"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Spooky!

As if those zombie quackers weren't enough. Now we have to put up with zombie deer. Oy. Look at that one on the right with her mouth open. You can't hear it, but we certainly could. Brainzzz ... we want braainzzzz ... Scary stuff, I can tell you. Well, at least they weren't mumbling Peanutzz ... we want Peaanuutzzz ... That would have been unthinkably horrifying!


Still, look at that! Mouth open and headed our way. Ella is big and fast. She has nothing to fear. Peanut will just butt her legs out from under her. No problem for him. And Boo doesn't have a brain, so no worries there. I can, however, see that I have a dilemma. Everyone knows just where the brains are in this outfit. Well, hmmm ... maybe fainting goats are good for something after all. Watson will surely faint, and that will give me time to go hide. On second thought. I'm already in trouble on his account. I suppose I better not go there. Maybe the electric fence will stop zombie deer. My hooves are crossed - all four.

In the meantime, I'm counting on the Great Peanut stopping by here tonight. We are the most SINCERE! Sincerely weird, mind you, but SIN-CERE nonetheless! Happy Halloween! May the Great Peanut leave you mounds of three-to-a-shellers!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Ehhhh?

I'm in trouble.

Ehhhh? What did you say???

I said, I'm in TROUBLE.

Really, Marigold, speak up. I can't hear you!

I said, I'M IN TROUBLE!

Oh. Well. Why didn't you say so in the first place? What happened?

Well, you see, it's like this. The goatmother went to put everyone to bed and noticed that Ella was being her typical, Alpine, pushy self. She tried to butt me in an effort to keep me from getting to the hay. It's nothing new. I'm quite used to it really. But the goatmother saw this and invited me over to spend the night on the boys' side of the barn. Who was I to turn down such a gracious offer?

Well, things went fine. I kept the boys at bay all night and had the hay all to myself. In the morning, the goatmother came out and opened the door. I smiled. She smiled. The boys just stood there. What were they going to say? 'Hey, goatmother, the mini-muncher there kept us from eating hay all night?' I don't think so.

But then, well, I forgot myself for a moment. Just one little moment. One eensy, tiny, millisecond of undecorous behavior. I guess you could say I fouled my nest a bit. There are probably other, more colorful words to describe it, but you get my drift. Anyway, what I did was I whammed Watson. I whammed him so hard and so fast that he went down in one big fainting lump of goat. In my defense, it was just that I was so overwhelmed by the prospect of getting a Peanut. Or, it could have been that I was so very glad to see the goatmother. Yes, that's it. I was just SO overjoyed at seeing the goatmother's face again. After all, it had been an entire dark night - and I was probably on hay overload. Yes. That simply has to have been the problem.

Nonetheless, the goatmother informed me in no uncertain terms that I was never going to be invited to spend the night on the boys' side of the barn again. Ever. I've been very contrite since then. Even humble. What? You don't think I can do humble? Oy, ye of little faith. One does what one must. Besides, I'm getting my very own hay rack now.

Just remember, Marigold : "Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught." ~J.C. Watts

Oy. You SO did NOT just say that to me. Did you?

Monday, October 25, 2010

Children Of The Corn

Remember when I said I had not written much about Halloween this year? At the time I wished there was something spooky to write about. Well, my friends, be careful what you wish for! Oh, do be careful!

Oy. Hide. Make NO noise! See the photo above? I apologize for the quality. It was taken through the window. It had to be. It simply was not safe outside.

Remember those cute baby ducks that were in the pond this last spring? In case you've forgotten, you can see them here. Anyway, what I neglected to further inform you of is that we actually had two batches of baby ducks this year. That, in itself, should have been an omen. But did we pay attention? No. Oy. At any rate, you now see the sad point to which we have come. We are burdened with the Halloween egression of zombie quackers.


Oh, no!!!!!!!!!!!! They are headed our way! No doubt responding to the call of 'He Who Quacks Behind The Barn'. Yes! They are heading for the barn!!!!! HIDE the Peanuts, for goats' sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"A time of tribulation has come. ... What do you want? ... We want to give you peace." - Children of the Corn.

Oy, boy.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

On Being Sincere


Well, here it is almost Halloween and I haven't even written one word about it. Can you believe that? Oy. So I figured I better get on the old broomstick and get something out there. This lead me to think about discussing sincerity. Now you all will remember in 'It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown', Linus says, "Each year, the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch that he thinks is the most sincere. He's gotta pick this one. He's got to. I don't see how a pumpkin patch can be more sincere than this one. You can look around and there's not a sign of hypocrisy. Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see."

Well, okay. I will be the first to admit that it is actually the Great Peanut I'm after here, but the same principles apply.
It's really just a matter of semantics. Peanut. Pumpkin. They both begin with 'P' and they both bring good things to good little 'kids'. Same difference.

Anyway, back to sincerity. Now look at that picture up there. That is our barn. Can you imagine any place more sincere? And then one has to consider who lives there. Now grant you there are those in the area lacking in sincerity. Hypocrites if you will. For example, Ella professes to be your friend to your face, but when push comes to shove (and believe me at Peanut-passing time it usually does) if you get in her way, her nose gets all out of joint. And does she tell you what's wrong? Oh, no! She pouts (or whams you when you aren't looking). Or she starts acting like she's all better than you because she's an Alpine and everyone knows they are from Switzerland and have the best bone structure.

And then there is Boo. Boo is one of those who asks for an invitation to eat in your spot, but when you move over to let her in, she turns up her lip and pretends to be busy. Now I don't know about you, but I've never met a Nubian yet who could be anything other than confused.

Then there is Peanut. Peanut feels entitled to walk through your spot. Doesn't seem to matter whether or not you happen to be in it at the time either. I can tell you, there is absolutely nothing insincere about his motives though. If he's on his way to somewhere, and he likes it, and he wants to be there, then by Josephine!, he has the green light and that's that. Nothing insincere there I guess - maybe a little intemperance - but no insincerity.

Now Watson? Well, Watson is just Watson. Never was a goat more sincere. He is kind, helpful, generous, and he doesn't eat much. How much more sincere could a goat be? He is always faithful, always the same, always doing something for somebody else, always last in line. See? I'm telling you. Sin-cere.

So, if you happen to be keeping score, that is 2 in the insincere category, and 2 in the sincere category. That leaves the tie-breaker, (and the best) for last. Enter moi. Don't I always give it to you straight? Don't I always consider others' feelings? Aren't I always THE MOST SINCERE GOAT you know? Well, there you have it then. Come Halloween night, the Great Peanut will most assuredly be stopping here.

Just remember, Marigold, " ... sincerity is always subject to proof." - John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

Oy.


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Veggie Tales

Hallloooooo! Believe it or not it is actually me, Marigold. I know. By now you have probably forgotten who the hay I am, but hopefully you'll remember. After all, I am so unforgettable.

Anyway, Fall is actually here. The weather has been quite strange and they are saying that this is going to be a bad winter - one to rival 2008. I'm not sure I actually believe that because I haven't seen even a single Woolly Booger, but, of course, I suppose that might be because they know it's going to be so bad they aren't even bothering to show up. Some parties are like that.

Still, even amidst all this strange meteorological prophecy, we goats have remained steadfast in our dedication to eating. After all, it is THE WAY, and we are duty bound to follow it - which leads me to my actual subject. What? Did you think someone as eloquent as myself was going to limit herself to discussing the weather? Oy, ye of little faith.

You might remember ( I know, you've slept since then.) my mentioning recent vegetable coups thanks to the kindness of our neighbors. In case you actually have been asleep, you can refresh your memory here. Anyway, I thought you might appreciate our rating of these delectable delicacies in case you need some help next time you go grocery shopping. After all, everyone knows that a goat's opinion of le bonne bouche rivals that of the Woolly Boogers' and the weather. So, without further delay, may I present to you our esteemed accounting for your esculent edification.

First allow me to present you with the 'Top Picks' category. These are the culinary delights that absolutely everyone loved. I might even go so far as to say that we actually fought over them, but then that would be gauche of me, so please disregard that last bit of information. (If only I had one of those little devices like the Men in Black. Sigh.) Anyway, the 'Top Pick' of all time has to be a tie between Runner Beans and Kale. No kidding. I have the bruises to show it. One can only get in Boo or Ella's way so many times before it begins to take a toll. Now I know you are saying, 'That is ridiculous! My kids wouldn't touch either of those things with a ten foot pole.' But I'm telling you, it only indicates a lack of palatal sophistication on their part. These, then, were followed closely by Carrots and Apples, however, they can not be tied with Runner Beans and Kale because the goatmother had to cut them up first. Really, I don't see the problem. What else does she have to do? Still, she insists the extra effort must be taken into consideration. What's a goat to do? The hand that feeds and all that... Oy.

Now, the next category is the 'So-So' Category. This includes things that some of us like and some of us don't. (Boo wasn't allowed to participate in this category since she follows the Pattern of Peculiarity.) Anyway, with a 'So-So' vegetable, I suppose you'll just have to decide for yourself whether you want to include it in your menu - either that or take into consideration the source. Naturally, if the opinion is mine you can feel safe in trusting it. Nonetheless, this list includes Lettuce (liked by most of us but absolutely NOT if it happens to be wet. Romaine is the best and you can just forget that wimpy Iceberg stuff.); Bok-Choy (sometimes enjoyed by all, but mostly Watson. In retrospect, I suppose that might be because it was what was left.); Swiss Chard (exceptional in my estimation but others seemed less enamored. What can I say? I like the colors. I'm a true artist at heart.); Cabbage (although try being around Ella's breath post cabbage consumption. Oy.); Corn Husks (I liked them, but I suppose they are a little tough for some tastes.); Fennel (good at times but not enjoyed at others. What can I say? One has to just be in the mood for Fennel. Although, come to think of it, Watson seems to really like it. Ah, go ahead and try some. I don't think it will make you faint.).

Which leads us to the very last category - the category of 'Extreme Distaste'. I bet you can figure this one out, but just in case, this is the category of things that absolutely no one could stand. At the top of this list is Broccoli. No, really. Broccoli. I suppose we'll all have to concede that there was something our former President knew. Who knew he had something in common with a goat? Well, now that I think about it, maybe we ought not go there. Oy. At any rate. We all hate Broccoli. Don't make your kids eat it. The only other thing that made it into this category was Carrot Tops. Why would you want to eat the top when what is on the bottom is so good anyway? 'Nuf said about that.

So there you have it. Trust it. It's better than the Gallup. Nonetheless, don't be afraid to strike out on your own. I don't know. Maybe you'll find you want to give Broccoli a chance rather than simply taking our word for it. After all, it has been said, "Opinion polls measure the Public's satisfaction with its ignorance." Food for thought, if you ask me.