"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Monday, May 3, 2010

Male Duminance

It must be the year for birds, because these showed up at our feeder yesterday. It was raining (no surprise there), but it didn't seem to deter them any.

So what are these, you ask? Well, these are called Evening Grosbeaks. Formerly we've only encountered them in the winter and in very large flocks. However, since no one can say we really had a winter this year, I suppose they are a bit confused. Just what we need. More confused bodies around here. Oy.

Anyway, what you see below are a male and a female. Bet you can guess which one is the male. Now why is this? I mean aren't the girls supposed to be the attractive ones? Look at goats for example. It is obvious, after all, that I am far better looking than say, Watson. So I really don't understand the whole 'guys-get-the-glamour' thing that birds seem to have going on ... like with those dumb wood ducks. Who got all the make-up and eye-shadow in that pair? I ask you, is this even fair?

Now the male Evening Grosbeak has a huge bright yellow 'V' on his forehead. Could that be a 'V' for vainglorius, do you suppose??? Here is a better view of that - not to mention the very smug look of one who thinks he's all that and a bag of Peanuts. Oy.

Now that I really get a good look, though, it kind of looks more like a 'W'. Hmmm ... Must be 'W' for egotistical, vainglorius Windbag.

Well, all I can think of to explain this pompous plumage syndrome is that perhaps the frumpy female birds are so extremely picky, or so extremely bird-brained, that such dazzling raiment becomes necessary to get their attention
. Come to think of it, I bet it is kind of like those guys you see standing on the street corner dancing and waving a big pointing finger that says 'Great deal! This way! Hurry!' I've often wondered how many Peanuts they have to pay to get someone to take that job. But I digress ...

No matter the reasons, in my humble opinion, birds would be better served by a stupefying set of horns or a bodacious beard. Or both. But what do I know?

At any rate, with things as they are, we're stuck putting up with more preening 'primo uomos'. (Ha! Put that one in your Google and graze it!)

"I'm too sexy for my beak, too sexy for my beak, so sexy and so sleek ... "



Millie said...

I agree. We have birds here with fancy topknots and long trailing tail feathers. Give me a beard and some horns any day if you want real beauty.

Marigold said...

Dear Millie,
Iowa ... let's see ... Pheasant??? Now there's a primo uomo if I ever saw one.