"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Veggie Tales

Hallloooooo! Believe it or not it is actually me, Marigold. I know. By now you have probably forgotten who the hay I am, but hopefully you'll remember. After all, I am so unforgettable.

Anyway, Fall is actually here. The weather has been quite strange and they are saying that this is going to be a bad winter - one to rival 2008. I'm not sure I actually believe that because I haven't seen even a single Woolly Booger, but, of course, I suppose that might be because they know it's going to be so bad they aren't even bothering to show up. Some parties are like that.

Still, even amidst all this strange meteorological prophecy, we goats have remained steadfast in our dedication to eating. After all, it is THE WAY, and we are duty bound to follow it - which leads me to my actual subject. What? Did you think someone as eloquent as myself was going to limit herself to discussing the weather? Oy, ye of little faith.

You might remember ( I know, you've slept since then.) my mentioning recent vegetable coups thanks to the kindness of our neighbors. In case you actually have been asleep, you can refresh your memory here. Anyway, I thought you might appreciate our rating of these delectable delicacies in case you need some help next time you go grocery shopping. After all, everyone knows that a goat's opinion of le bonne bouche rivals that of the Woolly Boogers' and the weather. So, without further delay, may I present to you our esteemed accounting for your esculent edification.

First allow me to present you with the 'Top Picks' category. These are the culinary delights that absolutely everyone loved. I might even go so far as to say that we actually fought over them, but then that would be gauche of me, so please disregard that last bit of information. (If only I had one of those little devices like the Men in Black. Sigh.) Anyway, the 'Top Pick' of all time has to be a tie between Runner Beans and Kale. No kidding. I have the bruises to show it. One can only get in Boo or Ella's way so many times before it begins to take a toll. Now I know you are saying, 'That is ridiculous! My kids wouldn't touch either of those things with a ten foot pole.' But I'm telling you, it only indicates a lack of palatal sophistication on their part. These, then, were followed closely by Carrots and Apples, however, they can not be tied with Runner Beans and Kale because the goatmother had to cut them up first. Really, I don't see the problem. What else does she have to do? Still, she insists the extra effort must be taken into consideration. What's a goat to do? The hand that feeds and all that... Oy.

Now, the next category is the 'So-So' Category. This includes things that some of us like and some of us don't. (Boo wasn't allowed to participate in this category since she follows the Pattern of Peculiarity.) Anyway, with a 'So-So' vegetable, I suppose you'll just have to decide for yourself whether you want to include it in your menu - either that or take into consideration the source. Naturally, if the opinion is mine you can feel safe in trusting it. Nonetheless, this list includes Lettuce (liked by most of us but absolutely NOT if it happens to be wet. Romaine is the best and you can just forget that wimpy Iceberg stuff.); Bok-Choy (sometimes enjoyed by all, but mostly Watson. In retrospect, I suppose that might be because it was what was left.); Swiss Chard (exceptional in my estimation but others seemed less enamored. What can I say? I like the colors. I'm a true artist at heart.); Cabbage (although try being around Ella's breath post cabbage consumption. Oy.); Corn Husks (I liked them, but I suppose they are a little tough for some tastes.); Fennel (good at times but not enjoyed at others. What can I say? One has to just be in the mood for Fennel. Although, come to think of it, Watson seems to really like it. Ah, go ahead and try some. I don't think it will make you faint.).

Which leads us to the very last category - the category of 'Extreme Distaste'. I bet you can figure this one out, but just in case, this is the category of things that absolutely no one could stand. At the top of this list is Broccoli. No, really. Broccoli. I suppose we'll all have to concede that there was something our former President knew. Who knew he had something in common with a goat? Well, now that I think about it, maybe we ought not go there. Oy. At any rate. We all hate Broccoli. Don't make your kids eat it. The only other thing that made it into this category was Carrot Tops. Why would you want to eat the top when what is on the bottom is so good anyway? 'Nuf said about that.

So there you have it. Trust it. It's better than the Gallup. Nonetheless, don't be afraid to strike out on your own. I don't know. Maybe you'll find you want to give Broccoli a chance rather than simply taking our word for it. After all, it has been said, "Opinion polls measure the Public's satisfaction with its ignorance." Food for thought, if you ask me.


Terry Golson said...

My boys love carrot tops. Even better, the best, in fact, are parsnip tops. Their tails wag super fast for those. Though even twin brothers disagree. Caper eats chard. Pip doesn't. Pip eats basil. Caper isn't interested. Very opinionated, aren't they?

Marigold said...

Dear Terry,
Discerning. The word is discerning.

J said...

Who would have thought broccoli was on the Most Unwanted List! Us blog fans learn something every day.

Claire the Shepherdess said...

Thank you Marigold, for this careful and interesting analysis. I will take it up with the goat herd and see what they have to say. I am sure they will of course have their own thoughts on the matter. I note that you have not included pumpkin in your analysis. Perhaps you should consider this for a later posting. My Opal will not touch it but Coffee is emphatic that it is delicious.

goatgirl said...

As cute as he was, it was getting a little eerie seeing Shorty's face every time I came here.

Marigold said...

Dear Goatgirl,
Ooooo! Perhaps we will have the ghost of Shorty for the Halloween season. Oy. I am SO far behind this year!