"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Goat Years

You've probably all been wondering. You've probably been sitting there at the table having breakfast and suddenly said to yourself, 'What the hay has happened to Marigold?' Well, it's like this. I've been standing around waiting for the rain to end. However, the rain hasn't seen fit to give a flip. As a matter of fact, the pond has stayed so full this winter, the goatmother's plants, which used to be way up on the bank, are now officially part of the pond. Since the ducks consider the pond to be theirs, open season has been declared on goatmother plants. The goatmother has naturally found it necessary to have a word or two with the ducks, and the ducks, naturally, haven't bothered to listen. As a result, the goatmother's plants are now surrounded by anchored wire. Oh, well. You know what they say: 'Good fences make good neighbors.'

Anyway, with all this standing about, I've had a lot of time to think and I've come to a realization. I'm old. No, really. I am. I'm 6 years old. God Love A Cow! That's 42 in dog years! I can practically hear my joints creaking every time I get up on my stump. Why before long, I may not even be able to get up on my stump. Now that's depressing.

Come to think of it, why is nothing ever expressed in goat years? I mean we have all these sayings being bandied about like ,'You're how old? Holy Goat Berries! That's like dead in dog years.'; or how about that one where they say something like, 'Hello, Joe. Why, I haven't seen you in a coon's age!'; or, 'Yeah, old Edna's been around for donkey's years.' I mean, like how long is 'donkey's years'? I don't know, but their ears are pretty long.

At any rate, I hope it stops raining before I get too gray and my teeth fall out. I just hate soggy Peanuts. Still, I suppose there is always an up side to things. At least that way they're easier to gum.

"How old would you be, if you didn't know how old you was?" - Satchel Paige.

Peanut butter, anyone?


Lisa T. said...

Well, really have you ever heard of a YOUNG philosopher? No, I didn't think so.

goatgirl said...

I know exactly how you feel.

Kelly said...

Marigold you are only as old as you feel. Measure your blessings in peanuts. ;)

Frightened J said...

What inquiring minds want to know is: How do know what we are thinking at the breakfast table? Are you developing psychic abilities while your physical body rots? Do we need to be concerned about every thought we put out there? Time for more action and less thinking. Time to poison peanuts.

Marigold said...

Dear J,
MWAAAAAAHHH HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

denise f said...

Okay, two things:
#1. Marigold, I've been hanging out with you somewhere in "Blimbo" (that's blog limbo). Time for both of us to make an appearance!
#2. I'd like to know EXACTLY how old the "Old Gray Mare" is.
#3. Goats are sadly underrepresented in so many ways.
#4. I lied about htere only being two things.

Marigold said...

Dear Denise,
In reference to No. 2, do you mean the goatmother? She's only 1/2 as old as dirt.