"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

The Year of the Goat (Part 2)

Okay, back to the Year of the Goat! (See?  I promised...  and I'm nothing if not true to my word!)  So the information I found goes on to say that Year of the Goatees 'are dreamers, sometimes, they are pessimistic, hesitant and  over-anxious worriers!'  Well, now, in our defense, of course we are dreamers.  Isn't everyone?  Do you dream at night?  Well, sure you do.  And so do I.  I dream a lot about Peanuts.  What do you dream about?  It should be Peanuts.  I'm just sayin' ...  And don't ask the Goatmother what her dreams are like.  You do NOT want to go there.  Can you spell b-i-z-a-r-r-e?  Oy.

As for pessimistic, hesitant, over-anxious worriers?  Shoot.  Wouldn't you be if you had to share a barn with an Alpine?  Nothing wrong with a little pessimism either.  I mean you know she's gonna' have a snit of some sort or another.  So why not just accept that it is coming? No matter what.  It is as sure a thing as the sun rising in the morning.  Oh, wait ... this is Washington.  Okay, it's as sure a thing as the sun rising in the morning but you can't always see it.  How's that? But honestly, that whole over-anxious worrier thing is better applied to Fainting Goats.  Of course it is a whole matter of survival (not to mention staying upright) in the face of Alpine onslaught when she realizes you freeze.  So don't be putting no exclamation point on that, Chinese Astrological dudes, until you've walked a mile in, or fallen a mile (whichever comes first) in a Fainting Goat's shoes.  Ah. So. There.

Now then, further reading uncovers this:  'They can be lazy sometimes.  If Goats have any choices, they would definitely choose to marry a wealthy person and sit back for the rest of the lives'.  Now wait. Lazy?  Come. On.  Just because we lay around and chew our cud, you want to call us lazy?  It is a simple matter of proper digestion.  Cud happens.  And as for me, I'm not marrying any wealthy person.  I prefer a wealthy Goatmother, but unfortunately I don't have one of those, so I have to make do with what I have.  She kind of allows me to sit back.  Unless she doesn't.  And then I better get moving or I don't get any Peanuts.  And we all know that isn't going to happen.  And what about this 'for the rest of the lives'?  You thought that was a typo, didn't you?  Just because I have four feet instead of two ... and hooves.  Oy.  Nope, not me.  What do these Chinese Astrological dudes think we are, cats?  Like we have 9 lives, or 14, or 54?  Sheesh.  If you have to live with an Alpine, ONE is enough!   Trust me on that.  Well, come to think of it, maybe this explains why those guys can't tell the difference between a goat and a sheep.

Anyway, the last part says 'they are obsessed with appearance.  This plays an enormous part in their sense of personal stability.  If they don't look their best, they may be afraid to go out the door to pick up the Sunday papers'.    Now, you know, never having eaten a Sunday paper, I can't really say whether I would be afraid to go out the door and get it or not.  It might depend on whether or not it was raining.  Or it might depend a lot on how it tasted.  But come to think of it, paper comes from trees and I loves me a good tree now and then.  Still, to say we are 'obsessed' with appearance is going a bit far.  We don't have any mirrors in the barn so the only way anyone ever knows how they look is to ask someone else.  Which never works out very well, especially if you ask Boo because, being a Nubian, by the time she opens her mouth, she has forgotten what the question was and usually you get some reply like, 'I saw a bird' in answer.  No, I can't say any of us are obsessed with our appearance except if it is wet.  We don't do wet.  And as far as that playing a part in personal stability, well, that, of course, only applies to Watson.  His personal stability is very important to him.  Mostly because he doesn't particularly care for looking at the world from ground level.

So, this is part two.  Believe it or not, those Chinese dudes still have more to say about the Year of the Goat.  Isn't that special?  But until next time, I shall leave you with one last thought:  "I think most of us are raised with preconceived notions of the choices we're supposed to make. We waste so much time making decisions based on someone else's idea of our happiness - what will make you a good citizen or a good wife or daughter or actress. Nobody says, 'Just be happy - go be a cobbler or go live with goats." - Sandra Bullock. 

8 comments:

Snowcatcher said...

What a kick! Did Sandra really say that?!? I wonder if she has a goat? Or perhaps she was born in the year of the goat. No, maybe not. She has the appearance thing down, but she doesn't appear lazy to me.

Marigold, I hope you don't take another break; I miss your sense of humor!

Marigold said...

Dear Snowcatcher,
Nope, she does NOT appear lazy. :) But then I a goat and I don't think I'm lazy. I mean really. Who makes this stuff up?

Mrs. Micawber said...

Wow, I had NO idea that Goatees were so complex. I have to say these descriptions don't sound much like you, Marigold. Can it be that the Chinese astrologers have goat it all wrong?

As for pessimism, I think they're confusing it with realism.

And anyone who complains as much as you do about hoof-trimming CAN'T be obsessed with appearance.

Take that, Chinese astrologers!

Marigold said...

Dear Mrs. Micawber,
True 'dat. All of it.:)

Lee Zard said...

Hi, Marigold, happy Year of the Goat!

Nice write-up! I'm a dreamer too. Or, maybe I'm lost in one big dream. I'm not sure which. By the way, is it alright if I substitute pistachios for peanuts while blogging? Cashews? On another note, I'm kind of concerned about one of your barn mates. If that malevolent Alpine continues to be a problem, give me a ring. I'll set you up with Guido and my covert band of mercenary lizards.

I'm looking forward to your next post.

Lizard with a name
Not Clint, the other one

Marigold said...

Dear LeeZard,
Im'sorry. Truly I am. But there is simply NO substitute for the Peanut. However, your offer to put me in touch with Guido is most tempting. Let me think about it. What kind of payment do bands of mercenary lizards require??? We have flies. Well, not at the moment, but soon, I'm sure. Or wait! Slugs! We have ginormous slugs!!!! Yeah!!!!! How about those?

Millie said...

I have to say, when Bud was in the hospital, he fell in love with himself. They had a mirror there, and he spent most of his days looking in the mirror. Of course, he didn't have any of us, and he was the only goat he had to look at. He seems to have recovered nicley now that he's back home without mirrors.

Marigold said...

Dear Millie,
Poor Bud. Well, at least he didn't have to depend on any Nubians. I hope they don't have Nubian mirrors. That would be a disaster!