"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Goats Just Want To Have Fun

This is too much. Really. The goatmother has, heretofore, been unhappy with my efforts to guide her in the acquisition of Caprine mode de dance. She has no rhythm; I swear on a stack of alfalfa bales this is true! It is just embarrassing.

So lately I have changed my tack. I have begun placing my forelegs on her shoulders, just as I have seen any number of famous two-legged dancers do. Fred Astaire. Gene Kelley. Patrick Swayze. (Well, okay, that last one is for 'dirty dancing'...but goats have dirt - lots of dirt! The whole barn floor is dirt!). Anyway, I have been using 'Peanut' time to practice and break the goatmother 'in'. However, I must concede that it doesn't seem to be working. She keeps getting upset and talking about 'bruises', and, 'What's wrong with you all of a sudden?', and, 'Marigold! Will you get down!'. I simply throw in the towel. That's it! I quit. No more! I'm getting a new partner and that's all there is to it! I know he's supposed to be a singer, but he was voted 'out'. Do you think Sanjaya might be interested in a change of pace? A little 'hoofing the light fantastic'? A little joie de vivre a la chèvre?

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