"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Olgoat Korbutt

I seek to broaden my horizons. Besides, I'm bored. I've been spending far too much time in the barn lately. So, you see, when opportunity came knocking, I answered. It was hoof trimming time, and as you may recall, the goatmother becomes sorely vexed when the monthly temps de mode de pied comes due. This has a great deal to do with the involvement (or lack thereof) of the U.S.S. Boo, and serves to lead us to what you see pictured above. Yes, my friends, though you may not see it (and certainly I can say that Boo has not) this is opportunity in its finest hour. The goatmother calls it a 'calf sling', although it is beyond me why since there are no 'calves' in residence here. Nevertheless, the purpose is to raise the vict...er...trimee from the ground in order to gain better access. In this particular case, it was in hopes of keeping BusWoman from laying down on the job, so to speak, and thusly eliciting A LOT of work for the goatmother, not to mention a variety of scurrilous utterances.

I'm certain you are beginning, by now, to cast doubtful aspersions upon my state of mind. I assure you, however, I am quite lucid - albeit perhaps a bit over-enthusiastic. For you see, in my mind I saw this as the perfect opportunity to become a world-class gymnast - the first EVER in goat history! After all, when life gives one inferior Peanuts, one must try to make Peanut butter! So when it came my turn, it was all Carpé Diem! It took the goatmother a bit to get me properly suited up. (Okay, I admit I was a bit less than cooperative in the matter due to my ardor.) Once there, however, the goatmother proceeded to 'hitch' me higher so that my feet didn't exactly make contact with terra firma.

As far as I am concerned, here is where she made her first mistake. You see, according to universal rules and conventions,
once the routine has started, the coach may not physically interfere with the athlete in any way. Well, tell HER that! I leapt gracefully into the air, despite the fact that my feet were not actually touching the earth. This is a phenomenal achievement. Still she kept trying to get in my way to trim. What IS UP with that, anyway? I was able to execute a few fluid swings and almost managed to achieve a hoofstand. I can tell you, it was awesome! But the piéce de resistance, came when I managed to make an attempt at the Olga Korbut Flip. You see this is a high bar salto (somersault) and release at the end. It requires a standing back flip, and thus has since become unacceptable. Still, I feel it is a worthwhile goal. I did not quite achieve it, but I can assure you, the effort was SPECTACULAR! Now, if a gymnast falls, she has 30 seconds to re-mount. Okay, I didn't make the time limit, but in my defense, it was just a first effort. I can only get better from here, and I am quite sure I'll have many more chances to perfect my technique. My motto, after all, is 'Go for the Gold - if not for the Peanuts'.


Farmgirl_dk: said...

Ha...Marigold! What effort you put into your perfect "10" performance! Bravo!
By the way, tell your goat mama that she has excellent taste outer wear...her Carhartt vest is the exact same one my sweet man got me for my birthday! We're twins and we didn't even know it! :-)

goatfarmer said...

We expect no less of you. After all, your name isn't Maribronze is it? You are a proud representative of the fine Nubian breed, my dear. When I have my a** in a sling, the last thing I think about is gymnastics!

Applause applause applause! Thunderous!

Marigold said...

Dear goatfarmer,
You know, you are absolutely right! I am MariGOLD. I never thought of that. As for the Nubian...well, I am sure the ears help, but it could also be the Nigerian part. After all, look how athletic Hannah Belle is. As for having your a** in a sling...I highly recommend it. Who knew it could be so much fun? :)

Kathryn and Ari said...

Hooray for you, Marigold! Athletic prowess, controlled determination, and a little old fashion gumption: we agree with goatfarmer; you are most certainly destined for a gold medal. We'd watch for you in the summer olympics if we weren't boycotting to draw attention to human (and goat) rights violations in Nepal and Tibet. Perhaps the PanAm games instead?