"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Saturday, February 14, 2009

A Love Affair


It's Valentine's Day and my own true love, Gun, has forsaken me. Not even a card. Oy. In light of this, I thought I would enlighten you a bit about my other love. You are probably wondering which goat that might be, but let me assure you that this love is truer than any man ever thought about being. My bestest love, should you even have to ask, is none other than the Peanut. I assure you, my friends, no mere goat could ever be as satisfyingly, delectably, alluringly, unfailingly steadfast as this humble treasure. Ah, my preeeehcious! We wants it. We NEEDS it. Must have the preeeehcious!

Oh, sorry. Got a bit carried away.... Anyway, I thought I might attempt to acquaint you with a few facts regarding my beloved. For starters, did you know that the Peanut is actually a legume related to beans and not a nut at all? Just one of its many hidden talents, I'm sure. The exalted Peanut actually came from South America, and it is known that the Incas of Peru used them as sacrificial offerings, entombing them with their mummies to aid in the spirit life. I certainly would like to have some in the afterlife. I know Ella won't be getting any, unless, of course, they are roasted to a crisp.

But I digress. Now, then, Peanuts are 28% protein, 50% oil and 18% carbohydrate. I think this makes them an excellent choice for inclusion in any goat's diet - especially the lo-carb ones. After all, a girl does have to watch her figure. Unless, of course, you are Boo, in which case everyone else has to watch your figure lest they become squashed.

As an aside,
astronaut Alan B. Shepard took a Peanut to the moon with him. No one knows for sure whether it made it back or not.

Another little known fact is that the world's largest Peanut was four inches long. Well, good gosh, Miss Agnes!!! I would love to have seen that! Four inches??? Let me get my ruler... oh, swoon...

Ahem. Okay. Well, there are several varieties of Peanuts, but the most popular are the Virginia and the Spanish. Olé, y'all. One acre of Peanut plants will yield about 2,860 pounds of Peanuts, and I find myself ruminating over whether they would actually grow in Washington, and if I might somehow convince the goatmother she needs to plow up an acre. I would find a way to help. Really I would.

So there you have it. All the wonderful facts presented in a concise and unbiased manner. (Gee, I'm just like Consumer Reports.) So this Valentine's Day forget the chocolates. They may look good, but can they give you a lasting relationship? And always remember, a diamond may be a girl's best friend, but a Peanut, my friends, is a thing of beauty forever.

1 comment:

goatfarmer said...

Well said, Marigold.