"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Case of the Caprines' Quantum Conveyance


It has been a long, dry spell around here with no mysteries to be had. That is until now. Goatzooks! Make haste, Watson, my good man! Another mystery is afoot!!!

At any rate, you may recall last February when we reported the Tale of Teleportation. Just in case you have forgotten, you can refresh your memory here. Anyway, at that time it was found that during the night Ella and Watson had mysteriously changed places. No one would admit to anything, and sadly the mystery was never solved. It remains a cold case.

However, this time when the goatmother came out in the morning, all five of us were on the 'boys' side of the barn and both gates between the two sides, just as before, were latched. To make matters even more mysterious, however, an extra latch had been placed on the gate to prevent it being inadvertently (or, in the case of Ella, in-your-face on purpose) butted open. The extra latch was also still in place. ( Doo, doo, doo-doo, Doo, doo, doo-doo, Doo, doo, doo-doo... you are entering another 'dimentian'....) And, the really strange part is that none of us, not one, remembers ever moving. Now how is that even possible???

Despite our apparent lapse of cognition, I, Marigold Holmes and my trusty comrade-in-arms, J. Hamish Watson, set about trying to solve the mindboggler. After a great deal of careful scrutiny, amazing analysis, inscrutable inspection and flat out undeniably astonishing skill, my dear Watson and I arrived at a most surprising conclusion.

No, my friends, no aliens were involved. The culprit to which our mysterious conveyance was attributed was ...what we have ... in the barn... is none other than ... are you ready for this??? ... a Poltergoat. Yes, my friends, there really can be no other explanation. Poltergoats are usually associated with an individual. This individual is typically in some kind of emotional turmoil or emanates some sort of destructive energy. Did I say destructive? In that case, who else could be responsible? Of course, it has to be Ella.

We are not sure what we are going to do about it. Maybe nothing. After all, Ella isn't about to change her nature anytime soon, which means I suppose we'll all have to be extra vigilant during the night. Maybe we'll even give the Poltergoat a name - something like HITler...or maybe Buttler. At any rate, I think I'm going to hang out next to Boo from now on. If ever there was an anchor it has to be her. In the meantime, if any of the rest of us sees or feels anything strange happening, I can only say, keep your wits about you, your hooves on the ground, and heed this advice: "
Now clear your minds. It knows what scares you. It has from the very beginning. Don't give it any help, it knows too much already." Tangina, 'Poltergeist', 1982. And above all, DO NOT GO INTO THE LIGHT, whatever you do! They may not have Peanuts over there.

3 comments:

goatgirl said...

I hear there are vampires on the Olympic Peninsula, could it have something to do with them?

Marigold said...

Dear goatgirl,
Trust me. If it had to do with Vampires, Boo would be a whole lot thinner.

Texan said...

I found you thru another goat blog... This Goats Life... I am tickled by these goat blogs... so is my Sugarcube(goat) she has now decided she too should get to post once in a while on my blog Texan... we are not dairy goats, but she felt she surely could do justice to a post now and again ... how fun this is ..