"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Who Am I?

Well, then. needless to say it has been some time since I posted last. Okay, partly it is due to that stupid muse, Caprinope, having gone on vacation - again. You may recall this usually happens in January, but for some reason, this year she felt entitled to two. You may also recall my having received postcards from Jamaica and Rio in the past? This time it was Marrakesh. Can you say ex-o-tic? Can you say 'stoo-pid muse'? Oy.

Anyway, that hasn't been the only problem, for you see I have been suffering from a a slight ill-adjustment to my personal apparatus. I know. What the hay are you talking about, now, Marigold? Well, ahem, you see, recently I developed a certain lopsidedness to my kid-feeding paraphernalia. Now, I assure you that no one quite understands how this came about, least of all myself. I mean I woke up one morning and well, there it was. I guess you could say that with Caprinope on her extended gadabout, my deprived subconscious must have gone over to my more Eastern dark side, and literally overnight I was changed into Marigold, 'Wun-Hung-Lo'.

At any rate, I have never experienced a day of ill health and the goatmother has been quite puzzled, not to mention concerned. I even had to endure a truck ride to the vet. Now that was no fun. Why is it Caprinope can travel the world, and even that stupid Sickly Green UnDead can go places, but all I get is a truck ride to the vet? That, my friends, is discrimination.

The vet, by the way, could find nothing wrong, so it was finally concluded that perhaps I had been bitten by a spider. Well, there you have it. I never saw a spider. I never felt a spider. But you know what? Lately I have begun to have some really bizarre thoughts. (I know, but more than usual.) And, it has begun to affect my vision too. I mean occasionally it kind of looks like there are eight of things instead of just one. Now if it were only Peanuts that wouldn't be so bad, but eight of Boo can be a bit distressing. And another thing. I have begun to notice myself daydreaming about climbing right up the side of the barn or the trunk of a tree and swinging out over the fence to the other side where the grass is really tall. I mean I think I could actually do this. A couple of times I've even found myself with my front hooves halfway up the side. And I know things too. I know and respond with lightening-quick reactions (especially when it comes to hoof trims).

Well, all I can say is I guess I'm going to have to start being very careful from now on. 'Cuz you know, "with great power comes great responsibility." This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm SpiderGoat.


Child Of God said...

Wow, Marigold, it sounds like you have a very serious case...let's hope you're back to normal soon! :(

Millie said...

Oh, my. Spider Goat could be quite the super hero or evil villain...

Kathy in KY said...

I've missed you Marigold - and you are now back in ferociously self-assuredness in your new role as SpiderGoat. You and the Spider are now one. May the Force be with you both! Good to have you back. Take care, and may many peanuts come your way, from KY.

J said...

Welcome back, we were starting to get worried. The whole Spidergoat thing is utter-nonsenses; excuses, excuses, excuses. Please try to remember your priorities while merrily tip-toeing through the rhododendrons.

Marigold said...

Dear J,
I DO NOT tip-toe, nor do I go through Rhododendrons. Poisonous you know. Nope won't go there.

Dear Millie,
Super-HERO, or er... HEROINE! (That's not a drug is it?)

Dear Child of God,
Well, thank you, but I'm not sure I've ever been normal.

Dear Kathy,
The Force! Yes! Yay for the FORCE!

Claire the Shepherdess said...

Hi Marigold, It's lovely to hear from you again. Your posts always make me chuckle. I think it's possible you have spent too much time in the sun. It can affect both goats and humans, as I recently posted about. Do be careful in your arachnid tendencies - you cannot build a web to use as a safety net.
Lucky Nickel in Iowa

goatgirl said...

What no pictures?

Marigold said...

Dear Goatgirl,
Now see here. You don't think I would display my wares on the internet like a common trollop, now do you???

Marigold said...

Dear Claire,
I might be able to build a web. I haven't really tried yet.

denise f said...

Spider-Goat, Spider-Goat, does whatever a spider goat does....