"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Feeling Sluggish?

No, this is not a suggestion to try Activia, or even to maximize your fiber intake. You may remember my recent complai ... err ... laments about the amount of rain we've gotten this year. And, when it isn't raining, well, it's been pretty much overcast. Nobody here is all that happy about it. Though, I suppose I shouldn't say 'nobody'. There are, in fact, some who are absolutely ecstatic about the situation. We have black ones ...

... and brown ones ...

We have white ones ...

... and even the fashion conscious ...

We have long ones ...

... and shorter ones ...

... and they even come in Super Size. You want flies with that??? (That, by the way, is a ball-point pen next to him.)

And they will consume anything in their path ...

Look! An action shot ...

These guys have consumed many of the goatmother's plants despite her best efforts. She even tried talking to them and they actually seemed to sit up and pay attention ...

But I guess you could say her words fell on deaf antennae because this is what she got ...


So the goatmother took to making morning and evening slug patrol runs. When she came upon an unsuspecting slug, she would snatch him up and fling him as far as she could. Usually it was into the brush in the faint hope it would get disoriented and become lost in the woods. She figured, at the very least, it would take a loooooooong time to make it back to civilization. And if you think the Mighty Quinn worked that hard back then
, well, you ought to see him now. 'Cuz let's face it, it is rather hard to tell the difference.

At any rate, after standing on my stump for some time and considering this matter, it is my belief the goatmother is going about it all wrong. If she didn't plant anything, there wouldn't be anything for the stupid slugs to eat. The answer seems simple to me, but, no, the deluded goatmother keeps right on feeding the slugs. "Appeasers believe that if you keep on throwing steaks to a tiger, the tiger will become a vegetarian." - Heywood C. Broun. I wonder if Heywood knew the goatmother?

3 comments:

Lucie said...

Escargo!Only toxic to snails . Diatomaceous earth and , in a pinch, salt. Duck are also good. Sounds like you have had fine weather for them.

Lisa T. said...

Sigh....slugs and cucumber beetles and foxes...oh my...

J (creeped out and feeling freaky) said...

I didn't know there are so many different looking slugs! Are you sure you are not under alien attack? Maybe, Macys has a Slug Section (next to Housewares) and everything sold on the latest One Day sale...do your sluggy friends seem to be posing or flaunting? There must be an explanation other than rain.