"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Friday, July 15, 2011

The Bloom Is Off the Rose

You may recall that recently I may have gone on a bit about our bad weather this year.  Okay, maybe 'ad nauseum' might fit, but Hay!, I'm a tell-it-like-it-is kind of goat.  Anyway, we have had 15.35 inches of rain since the beginning of the year.  Our normal for the entire year, is around 17 inches.  What does this tell you?  It's not that I mean to be critical, but we've only had 4 days this month that we actually made it to 70 degrees.  Why should I be upset?  I mean we did hit 76 degrees.  Once.  Back on June 5th.

At any rate, it is affecting everything from goats' coats to vegetation.  Blackberries are trying to take over the planet, my friends.   This is just the beginning.  Today western Washington, tomorrow the world.  Mark my words.  Naturally, the things one wants to grow, sadly, are not.  This year has been a gardener's nightmare.  From the slugs ... by the way, what do you think of this baby? :

To the dear deer:

Nothing planted is safe from the onslaught of JAWS.  At first the goatmother sprayed the mightily stinking Bobbex, and  this worked  until all the rain washed most of it away.  Then she came up with the ever clever idea of Monsieur Scare-Deer.  Well, something seemed to be working because about the only sign we saw of the deer was when she was standing in the drive one day, staring at Boo.  I gotta' admit Boo's girth is rather awe inspiring, but anyway, there had been no further damage to the garden. The goatmother planted some really beautiful lettuce that is green with splotches of red called 'Flashy Trout's Back'.  Of course, with so little sun, anything planted has pretty much been sitting in the ground sporting little signs reading ,'Solarly-Challenged.  Coming Soon To A Garden Near You.'  Then last week we got a few days of sun, and BAM!, (Ooo!  Just like Emeril!), the lettuce actually reached a semi-ready-to-pick size.  Woo Hoo!

My friends, it was not to be.  Monsieur Scare-Deer somehow lost his mystique, and last night the dear deer  finally realized that guy was NEVER going to the house.  She picked the largest heads of lettuce, which are now the smallest heads of lettuce.  There is a 60% chance of rain today, but that left 40% for the goatmother to spray some more Bobbex.  She even sprayed Monsieur Scare-Deer, who is now Monsieur Le Pue!  (Why, oh why, does the garden have to be so close to the barn?)

We'll see.  The grand Lavender Festival is this weekend.  30,000 people will be pouring into a town of normally 3 or 4 thousand.  We've been taking bets as to how many oblivious sign-ignorers  will have to make three-point turns at the end of our drive. The goatmother's going to make popcorn! In the meantime, maybe the deer and the slugs will travel en masse and become hopelessly lost in all the festivities.  Like lemmings.  It could  happen ...

"I have approximate answers and possible beliefs and different degrees of certainty about different things, but I'm not absolutely sure of anything, and many things I don't know anything about, such as whether it means anything to ask why we're here, and what the question might mean.  I might think about it a little bit, but if I can't figure it out, then I go on to something else.  But I don't have to know an answer....  I don't feel frightened by not knowing things, by being lost in the mysterious universe without having any purpose, which is the way it really is, as far as I can tell, possibly.  It doesn't frighten me."  ~Richard Phillips Feynman

I think I'll go have a Peanut.


Kelly said...

How about collect all the slugs and give them as gifts to the sign ignorers as they make their way out. Sorry about the dear deer and the lettuce. I could send Emma and Lucy, they would love barking at the deer. I would love to go to the lavender festival. Sounds so aromatic!

J said...

At least the slug is fashion forward. His animal inspired attire is all the rage. And just think of all the money you are saving on watering this year...something good will come of this. I bet Noah is selling Arks by the dozen. Wonder if everyone could agree to leave the slugs behind during the next global flood?

Mimi Foxmorton said...

Ahhh, I do so love to visit here. I always feel better when I leave! You have a *way* with delivery! ;)