"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

Long ago, in land far, far away,  in a quaint little rental house, lived a goatmother.  Okay, maybe she wasn't a goatmother back then, but that is irrelevant.  Anyway, in this quaint little house was a quaint little bathroom with a shelf over the tub.  Now the quaint little house didn't have a lot of storage, so one was required to take advantage of any space available.  One day the future goatmother took a bath in the quaint little tub.  When she  finished, the goatmother, who was really quite blind without her glasses even back then, reached up for the can of spray deodorant.   She applied it liberally,  finding as she returned the can to the shelf, that it read WD-40.

Now, then.  Years prior to this event, the cleanser 'Comet' came on the market.  The goatmother's aunt, reading of the product's wondrous cleaning abilities, decided it would be just the thing to get that smile really bright!.  She tried it.  Let us just say, the results were less than expected.   Or more, depending on how you look at it, but the goatmother's aunt was too embarrassed to go to the doctor and tell him what she had done.  It did actually turn out all right.  Eventually.

So by now you are thinking, what do these two, seemingly unrelated stories, have to do with anything.  There is certainly nothing 'wise' in them.  But here, my friends, you would be wrong, because these two stories lead me to today's invaluable words of wisdom:  Due caution is advised when dealing with anyone even remotely related to the goatmother's gene pool.  'Runs with scissors' comes to mind.  Oy.


Kelly said...

Just keep the Prep H away from the tooth past shelf. Pucker Up comes to mind. Haven't done this myself but I have that fear.

Claire the Shepherdess said...

These issues span many gene pools. My former roommate, not wanting to wake me, brushed her teeth in the dark bathroom, only to discover the tube of Noxzema cream was really not recommended for that purpose. Pfft! There's also that possible urban myth story about the lady who goes for her annual physical and uses "feminine deodorant spray" prior to her pap test. Later at home, recalling that her doctor said that she was looking "jazzy" today, she realized she used her child's Halloween green hairspray instead! OYYYY!

Lisa T. said...

Well I've never done that...but when I was in the second grade my mother bought me a little purse and I commenced to take it to school filled up with all the little things that 7 year olds LOVE. Tampons, Tucks pads and shiny red stool softener capsules. I used the Tucks to clean my sneakers, the stool softeners exploded nicely between rocks and did you know if you push out the cotton part of a tampon, the applicator works wonderfully as a fake cigarette? Man, I was weird...

goatfarmer said...

Must have Nubian ancestors.