"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Wednesday Words of Wisdom


What the hay is this and what's so wise about it, you ask?  Well, it isn't that it is exactly *wise*, it is something else entirely.  You see, this is the fountain that the goatmother made out of the old stock tank the former owners left here.  I mean, why not?  Recycling is a good thing, right? 

Well, when the goatmother first got the fountain together, she decided to put a couple of goldfish in.  You know,  just in case the mosquitoes decided to open a nursery ward.  The fishy boys did famously -  as a matter of fact, even better than expected.  Then one day, the goatneighbor asked, "Aren't you worried about the Raccoons?  Don't you think you should cover it with wire?"  Naturally, the goatmother, ever the optimist, replied, "Oh.  It is so close to the house.  I don't think any Raccoons will bother it."  After all, wire would ruin the aesthetics.

So things went along rather well until finally, while throwing the Frisbee for the Mighty Quinn, the goatmother and goatfather discovered that he was missing.  He did reappear, but he was strangely, and quite mysteriously WET.  Or was it so mysterious?  The next time he disappeared, the goatmother ran through the house and looked out the back doors to find the Mighty Quinn standing in the fountain.  Dogs.  Oy.  So the goatmother conceded a little on the aesthetics, and placed a piece of chicken wire across one half.  To be precise, she placed it over the end with the lovely miniature water lily she found on EBay.

Everything was again copacetic.  The water lily put out a cute little pink bloom.  The fishy boys grew ever larger.  Then this morning, the unimaginable happened.  The goatmother approached the fountain to find it a muddy mess.  The lovely water lily was a shredded, and I do mean shredded, shambles.  If you look at the picture above, you will see three bluish-green balls.  These are Japanese net bouys.  They are heavy glass balls that were used to keep Japanese fishing nets afloat.  The three glass balls were gone.  They were later found spread out across the back yard as though someone had engaged in an erratic game of croquet.  The formerly beautiful little bell-shaped water spout was disquietingly silent.  Absolutely dead in the water, so to speak.  But worst of all, one of the fishy boys was blaringly absent. 

We can only surmise that the fat-a#$ (pardon my goat) Raccoon the Mighty Quinn chased up the Cherry tree awhile back, returned last night to wreak his revenge. Obviously he didn't care that the lovely little fountain was near the house.  The rustic little fountain now sports a chicken wire chapeau trimmed with heavy wire 'ribbon' as a tie.  The goatmother found a new pump which now peeks jauntily through the chicken wire.  The fishy boy will have a new companion soon, and will live without fear of being eaten in the night (or so we hope).  So, Wednesday's Words of Wisdom are this:  If your neighbor expresses concern about random Raccoons, DO NOT be so quick to discount their words.  Wire can be your friend.  

"I'm not going to say there won't be one raccoon somewhere in the world that won't eat through it, but it seems to be working great." - Terry Feinberg.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Are you SURE it was a raccoon? You do live in a wooded area and who knows what lurks around your parts. Have you ever heard of the New Jersey devil? Perhaps, he has hungry northwestern cousins? You might want to consider leaving a fleshy nightly offering or do you think that would encourage it, him, or THEM? There must be someone or some goat you would rather not have in the barn....

Claire the Shepherdess said...

Oh dear me! It could have been an elusive jungle sheep....they are no longer extinct you know! (see blog for details!) I'm very sorry about your fishy friend, but glad to hear that the remaining fish is well protected now. Beastly predators...

Kelly said...

Darn raccoons. They can be a pest. Marigold, you didn't hear anything? I bet if it was a peanut floating in that water you would have heard!