"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

Well, gosh darn.  Here it is Wednesday again.  Time seems to be flying right by me lately.  Oh, wait, maybe that was a mosquito.  Anyway, this Friday is the official start of Fall, the Autumnal Equinox, and am I ever ready.  Enough of this eating grass outside in the heat.  Of course we've never really had much heat this year, but it is the principle that is important - and I am a very principled goat.  They say we are going to have La Nina again this year, so I've applied for Amazon Prime so I don't have to pay shipping on five sets of floaties. Nine if you count the goatmother, the goatfather and the dogs.  Well, come to think of it, it's certainly going to take more than one pair to keep Boo afloat, so better make that an even dozen.

Anyway, a lot has been going on here.  In addition to the new roof, the goatfather and the goatneighbor have been digging a really deep ditch around half of the house in order to keep any approaching Fall rainwater from running under the house and creating Lake Marigold, as happened last winter.  This ditch is called a curtain drain, but I do not understand how it got this name since I have not see any curtains anywhere.  Nevertheless, the deep ditch was lined with plastic, and has a large drainage pipe in it covered by, of all things, a sock.  I suppose the goatfather thought the pipe might get cold this winter.  Anyhow, the ditch was subsequently covered with 'drain' rock.  On reflection, maybe they ought to call it a rock drain instead of a curtain drain.   At least it actually has rocks.   There is one thing, though, I'm going to have to ponder long and hard.  I ask you, just where is the wisdom in bringing rock into a place that manages to manufacture it on its own?  Oy.

Of course the creation of the drain has caused two things.  One, more rocks.  I can tell you the goatmother is simply overjoyed at having more rocks to move.  Second, it has created a LOT of dirt.  The goatmother has become even more overjoyed as the dirt has found its way onto the dogs and into the house.  I find rolling in the dirt quite satisfying myself, but, of course, no one has asked me.

And, naturally, with all this other work going on, it happened to come time for our monthly pedicure.  Because, let's face it, work always comes in quantity.  It is THE WAY.  So, dutifully, the goatmother set about the task with little gusto.  When it came time to do Boo, she decided to employ both the goatfather and the calf sling. That went rather well, actually, and then it was my turn.  I want you to know that I got right up on that stand of my own accord.  No one had to ask me twice.  I only kicked once.  Okay, twice.  OKAY, three times, but I am proud to say that, though I considered it, I did not try to bite the goatmother's bum when she proffered it in my direction while doing my front hooves.  I could  have, but I didn't.  There is one thing I have learned in my insightful years on this plane, and it is my Wednesday Words of Wisdom.  It is quite simply this: never, Never, NEVER be so stupid as to bite the butt that feeds you.  At least not if you ever want to see a Peanut again.  In your lifetime.  Oy.

7 comments:

Lisa T. said...

Brilliant words of wisdom. You should make T-shirts!

Chomping J said...

Personally, I would give any butt a chomp at this point. Don't hold back when the opportunity surfaces. A good missing butt piece drama might curtail all the work with pipes, rocks, drains, and dirt. Your goat-parents are getting in over their heads. Someone needs to do something to change the program. BITE THE BUTT.

denise f said...

My oh my, Marigold... I admire your reserve, but really, does the BUTT feed you? I think not -- nip away!!!

denise f said...

and with that said, I am so sorry, Goatmother; I think I may have gotten a bit carried away, as I just recently found myself in a similarly vulnerable position..... no, Marigold, DO NOT bite the butt. While it may not feed you, the other end does and must be treated with decorum...

Chomping J said...

To reiterate: BITE THE BUTT.
Bring it on.

Claire the Shepherdess said...

wow, such activity at your farm! You really are a very well behaved goat. Lucky Nickel could learn some good lessons from you. :)

Kelly said...

If you do decide to put that saying on a T-shirt please let me know. Ted and I both want one. I think the Goatmother and Goatfather will love the drain. We put one on each side of our barn and it helped so much. Happy Fall!