"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Thursday, April 5, 2012

When Life Gets In The Way

We all know what it's like.  You have this list all made out in your head of all the things you want to do today.  Maybe you even have it written out on paper.  Yet somehow, when it comes right down to it, how many times do you actually accomplish what is on that list?  You reach the end of the day, you look at that list and you say to yourself, "I didn't do A, B or even C, for Goat's sake!  Why the hay not? "  Well, my friends, the answer is that life got in the way.  I think it is actually written down as a rule some place.  'If anyone has a certain amount of things they wish to accomplish in a day, only one is allowed, and that can NOT be something said doer actually wanted to do.'   The rule looks something like that.  In fact, if you really want to know, it's in the same book with 'bread slices are required to always fall butter side down', 'emergencies can only happen after hours, on weekends or on holidays', and 'all disasters, major or minor, must always occur in threes.'

So what is one to do?  All those unforeseen things that pop up and demand our attention, right NOW.  The worries that constantly taunt and tug at our thoughts.  Even the people that somehow seem to feel their priorities are so much more important.  Oy.  It's a wonder anyone manages to get anything done at all, let alone anything they might care to do for fun.  It is truly a dilemma.

Until now.  Enter Marigold, goat philosopher, here to show you a better way.  Goats know how to get things done, and, let me tell you, anything standing in the way of that simply doesn't stand a chance.  There are reasons for this, and I am about to share those secrets with you.  (Gee, this is beginning to sound like an infomercial.)

Rule No. 1 - The  first rule is simple.  Anyone or anything that tries to get in the way of what you are trying to accomplish, butt it.  I can not begin to tell you how effective this is.  Of course, an element of surprise is useful.  But even if they happen to see it coming, if you are fast enough, they can seldom get out of the way in time.  Butt them out of the way and get on to whatever it was you were trying to do.  Works every time.  Now that I think of it, this may cause one to experience a modicum of retaliatory behavior, but this will usually result in only minor setbacks.  No worries.

Rule No. 2 - And speaking of worries, don't do it.  Worry that is.  Worry will cause one to become mired at point A in the day and make it impossible to go any further.  In fact, you might not even make it to point A.  Someone once said that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair.  It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.  Now how true is that?  Remember that worrying is NOT one of the major food groups, so don't buy into it or it will consume you.  Better to buy Peanuts.  They ARE one of the major food groups, and they never slow you down or even get in your way.  Peanuts are Zen.  Worry is not.

Rule No. 3 - Remember that you are always in exactly the place you are supposed to be.  Trust me, I've had to knock this one into the Goatmother's head a few times.  If you remember this rule, you will always be in the present.  The present is the only place you can actually get anything done.  You won't be stuck back in the past someplace thinking about what you should have done, and you won't be off some place in the nebulous future dreaming about what could happen or what you could do if all these friggin' other things didn't keep getting in your way.  I've tried with the Goatmother.  I stand right in front of the door so she has to stop.  And I don't move.  That's because I'm trying to get her to stay in the present.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes she just ends up telling me what she's going to do to me in the future if I don't get out of the way.  Some people are just hard-headed.  But take my advice and try it.  Besides, it helps a whole lot with Rule No. 2.

Rule No. 4 - Don't think negative thoughts.  Thoughts have power.  They grow and take on a life of their own.  I mean look at me.  I have so many profound thoughts they have become like little mini-Marigolds.  Those thoughts have manifested themselves - insinuated themselves into peoples' lives.  If that isn't power, I don't know what is.  So if all you think are negative thoughts, then negativity is what gets manifested in your life.  And if you have negativity manifesting in your life, do you think you are actually going to accomplish anything positive?  Don't think so, Merle.  Nope.  If you want positive, then you have to think positive.  Send all those good thoughts out into the Universe and they will alight like little wind-blown Dandelion seeds.  Pretty soon positivity will be springing up all over the place (just like all  those happy little yellow faces all over your lawn).

Rule No. 5 - Always keep your imagination in check.  It is too little to be out on its own.  This is very important.  Just like properly controlled kids, your imagination can be a good thing.  It can bring you pleasure, help you dream your dreams, and even assist you in getting through your day because you imagined how it was going to be.  Haven't you ever heard that saying about if you can imagine it, you can do it?  That's true, but let that little sucker out on its own and look out!  There's no telling where it's going to end up.  So if you are prone to that futuristic mode of thinking I mentioned in Rule No. 3, your imagination is going to take the bit in its mouth and run with it.  A runaway imagination is a huge hindrance because everyone knows that any scenario it is likely to come up with is bound to be at least 90% worse than the actual event could ever possibly be.  If you think life was getting in your way before, just let your imagination out on its own and see what happens.  I can guarantee you won't be pleased.  I mean suppose I missed the rapturous taste of the Peanut I was eating because I allowed my imagination to run off and think about all those other Peanuts.  No, my friends.  One Peanut at a time.  That's the ticket!

So then, if life has been getting in the way of the things you need to do, and more importantly those things you want to do, I hope you can find some Peanut... er... pearls of wisdom in the secrets I have revealed to you here.  If you find some of them useful, that is wonderful.  And if you don't , well, then remember that life doesn't always go as planned. Divine Providence can only do so much.  After all, it has been written that the world was created in seven days, and on the eighth day God said, 'Okay, Murphy.  You're in charge.'  Truer words  have probably never been uttered.  In fact, I kind of wonder if it wasn't a goat that said them in the first place.


Ozarks Goat Girl said...

Very well put, Marigold. I love #1 rule best of all, as well exampled by my own herd queen Whitey.

Claire the Shepherdess said...

Dear Marigold. Brilliant, you are. I need to follow some of your advice. I am having particular troubles these days, with life getting in the way of all sorts of things, like happiness and contentment. It is very difficult for me to control my errant brain at the moment, although I might be able to work on my butting.

Marigold said...

Dear Ozarks Girl,
For your sake, I do hope Whitey is not an Alpine. They are particularly ruthless about Rule No. 1.

Marigold said...

Dear Claire,
Butting is the best, but for you, I particularly recommend Rule Nos. 3 and 4! Especially 3.

Millie said...

You really are such an intelligent goat! Truly you are quite wise.

Marigold said...

Dear Millie,
Thank you! You are wise as well. We goats are like that, don't you think?

Anonymous said...

This has helped me so much. I have been so worried about getting the dreaded Jury Duty letter. Are they going to understand my needs, the heaving, chewing, belching and berry making in the court room, let alone the number that the hard chair is going to do to my tailbone? Do they even allow peanuts in the courtroom? So when and if the letter arrives, I am going to eat it.

Marigold said...

Dear BuffyBelle,
An excellent choice, eating the letter. Ella ate the rubber handle on the Goatmother's rake. It made the Goatmother mad. So if you eat the letter, the court will be angry and you won't have to do Jury Duty. On the other hand, I say if they actually pick you, then they deserve what they get. I hope they have good janitorial people.

Faith said...

I am loving the butting rule and am going to take it on wholeheartedly...look out anyone who so much as tries to get in my way.

Marigold said...

Dear Faith,
You go, girl! They'll leave you alone and you won't believe how much you'll get done! Actually we won't be able to believe how much you get done, because you already do more than any three people!

Kelly said...

Marigold you are so smart. If we take those words to heart, life will go oh so much more smoothly. I especially like the "butt it" one. Yes, my favorite.

Marigold said...

Dear Kelly,
Many people are taken with Rule No. 1, and with good reason. And good results, I might add. :)

Snowcatcher said...

Although the only thing really standing in my way right now is a cast, I severely have trouble with #5, and that's not a complaint. And the cast works well in leiu of #1. Which does not in any way make up for the hardship it causes with the camera!

By the way, have you ever tried almonds? Or hazelnuts? And do you eat marigolds?

Marigold said...

Dear Snowcatcher,
Yes, I imagine your cast would work about as well as a goat head. I imagine taking photos with your cast is rather akin to doing it with a hoof. :)
Almonds and Hazelnuts? I suppose I am deprived. The Goatmother has never offered me one. As for Marigolds ... what do you think I am? A cannibal? Oy.

Mrs. Micawber said...

Dear Marigold,

Life must have really gotten in my way, because I didn't see this post until today! (Unintentional poem.)

I do like the butting idea. Does it work with phones that won't stop ringing? And if the phone is attached to a wall, how does one butt it without butting one's head against the wall? (The phone and wall are at work, by the way.)

P.S. Not only are peanuts Zen, they are high in proteins and low in carbs. A win-win food situation.

P.P.S. Speaking of low in carbs, be sure to check out tonight's post on my blog. :)

Marigold said...

Dear Mrs. Micawber,
Who in the world cares if you hit the wall or not? Plus, if you happen to hit the wall while trying to butt the objet de annoyance, it might get you into the room where the Peanuts are kept. You never know.