Hey, ho! 'Tis I, Spielgoat, returned of late. VERY late, as a matter of fact, but you know I've had a lot of Christmas shopping to do. Plus have you ever tried to carry packages on your head? It's kind of like those African women with the baskets on their heads only they're far more skilled at it. Oy. Anyway, now where was I? Oh, yes ...
You may recall that our heroine, Necessità, had just come upon the dazzlingly beautiful angel, Millie, sent to guide her way. Millie tells Necessità that they need to travel to Bethlehem where 'her ears can do wondrous things that no other ears can do'. Necessità was rather impressed with this news since, up to now, those ears had been a bit of a source of conflict in her life. Life's kind of like that, you know. If it is different, it is to be abhorred. Like a vacuum. Nature abhors those. Come to think of it, so do most housewives. Anyway, there was one small difficulty. Here they were in Iowa, and just exactly where was Bethlehem? First of all, in the United States alone there are no less than 19 states with Bethlehems, and 7 of those have more than one. Now why would you need more than one? In fact, the fine state of Tennessee has no less than 7 Bethlehems. How confusing is that? Even worse, how does this kind of thing happen? I think there were likely Nubians involved.
Necessità had no idea what her ears could do that no other ears could, but she was darned sure willing to try to find out. So the pair set off in search of the proper Bethlehem. It needed to be one preferably nowhere near the environs of those hairy-legged Roman Soldiers because, well, let's face it. They're just nasty. And it would certainly pay to avoid Tennessee since there they couldn't seem to find the Bethlehems they kept misplacing. So how in the hay could anyone else be expected to find them? At any rate, when all was said and done, the ideal plan seemed to be to just set out and see where they ended up.
By and by, the pair, wearied by their search, came to the great state of New York. There they stopped by a lovely farm to rest. Now this farm was home to many wonderful creatures, not just goats. There were some horses and even some sheep. But the most resplendent of the inhabitants was a sprightly little goat named Isobelle. Isobelle welcomed the tired travelers and, after hearing of their search, told them she knew of the perfect one to help them. With that, she sent the two back on their way. To where, you ask? Why Clay, New York, of course, home to the most fashionable Yule goat of the ages, Darla, and her ever so kind and helpful goatmum, Mimi, the Goat Borrower.
By and by, Millie and Necessità arrived in Clay only to find that Darla had gone on a trip to Bethlehem herself. They were greeted with great enthusiasm, however, by the Goat Borrower (because that's how MiMi is) and she asked them in. It had begun to snow there in Clay, and our little duo could go no further without rest and sustenance. Mimi, ever the grandest of hostesses, offered to share her Peanuts and even the ever-faithful Yellow Dog gave up his couch to the travelers. (Now how generous is that?) After a time, the snow fell so hard and fast that going further seemed a complete impossibility. Mimi began to fret, for how could Darla ever make it back to Clay, her being in the family way and all? Surprised at this news, Millie and Necessità looked at each other.
"Just how far is Bethlehem from here?, asked Necessità?
"Why only two hours and twenty nine minutes according to Ye Olde Yahoo Maps and as the crow flies.", replied Mimi. "But with the snow falling as it is, it will be far too deep for Darla to manage. What if her blessed event were to happen along the way?"
"I know!", cried Necessità. "I shall fly to Bethlehem using my ears and guide Darla safely home. This is what my ears were meant for! All I have to do is to work out the correct pitch, or nose angle, and the most advantageous ear angle - not dihedral and certainly not anhedral, but angled just enough to produce the proper stability. Then calculate the flight level to rise just enough to glide along the surface of the snow with Darla and her bundle slung on my back (and without looking like a peddler just opening my pack) without crashing. I shall have to adhere to visual flight rules since I have no instrumentation, but I think I can do this!"
And so it was set. Necessità, the adorable little goat with the airplane ears, set her flaps and took off into the wind bound for Bethlehem. By and by she reached Bethlehem and located Darla (because how could anyone miss a goat with such fabulous fashion sense and such a magnificent Yule coat?) Capra-Air took off at 0300 hours, but met with an ill wind and blizzard conditions. Darla was getting peckish, but sadly the flight had stopped giving Peanuts. With great difficulty, Necessità tried to keep to her flight plan, but the snow was too thick. Suddenly she heard a sound no other ears could have heard. The soft angelic voice of Millie calling her, guiding her home. Following the voice, Necessità landed safely and just in the jolly old St. Nick of time, for Darla had gone into labor.
Later, the group gathered around Darla and her blessed event. The snow had stopped and a bright star shone overhead marking the place of the birth. A new Yule goat had entered the world to help heal it and to bring peace, for everyone knows if anyone can bring comfort and joy, it is a goat. All thanks to a short yet adorably airplane-eared little goat with a penchant for philosophy. Who knew?
And Necessità? Well, with her new found purpose, she was able to fly home. Back to the stable where she was born. Back to the Alpines, the hairy-legged Roman Soldiers and to the Nubians. The ones who could remember where they were supposed to be anyway. And most importantly, back to the Peanuts. Most importantly to the Peanuts.
"Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!" - Charles Dickens.
P.S. The SnowCatcher and the Lizard met up in Tannu Tuva where they had independently each gone in search of the famous Tuvan Throat Singers. They fell madly in love and got married. Mrs. Micawber wrote a famous one-of-a-kind book on the magic of Crochet and ended up on Jay Leno. And Millie went back to Iowa, which is, as we all know, Heaven anyway.