"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Necessità, the Short Yet Adorably Airplane-Eared Goat (Part 3)

Hey, ho!  'Tis I, Spielgoat, returned of late.  VERY late, as a matter of fact, but you know I've had a lot of Christmas shopping to do.  Plus have you ever tried to carry packages on your head?  It's kind of like those African women with the baskets on their heads only they're far more skilled at it.  Oy.  Anyway, now where was I?  Oh, yes ...

You may recall that our heroine, Necessità, had just come upon the dazzlingly beautiful angel, Millie, sent to guide her way.  Millie tells Necessità that they need to travel to Bethlehem where 'her ears can do wondrous things that no other ears can do'.  Necessità was rather impressed with this news since, up to now, those ears had been a bit of a source of conflict in her life.  Life's kind of like that, you know.  If it is different, it is to be abhorred.  Like a vacuum.  Nature abhors those.   Come to think of it,  so do most housewives.  Anyway, there was one small difficulty.  Here they were in Iowa, and just exactly where was Bethlehem?   First of all, in the United States alone there are no less than 19 states with Bethlehems, and 7 of those have more than one.  Now why would you need more than one?  In fact, the fine state of Tennessee has no less than 7 Bethlehems.  How confusing is that?  Even worse, how does this kind of thing happen?  I think there were likely Nubians involved.

Necessità had no idea what her ears could do that no other ears could, but she was darned sure willing to try to find out.  So the pair set off in search of the proper Bethlehem.  It needed to be one preferably nowhere near the environs of those hairy-legged Roman Soldiers because, well, let's face it.  They're just nasty.  And it would certainly pay to avoid Tennessee since there they couldn't seem to find the Bethlehems they kept misplacing.  So how in the hay could anyone else be expected to find them?  At any rate, when all was said and done, the ideal plan seemed to be to just set out and see where they ended up.

By and by, the pair, wearied by their search, came to the great state of New York.  There they stopped by a lovely farm to rest.  Now this farm was home to many wonderful creatures, not just goats.  There were some horses and even some sheep.  But the most resplendent of the inhabitants was a sprightly little goat named Isobelle. Isobelle welcomed the tired travelers and, after hearing of their search, told them she knew of the perfect one to help them.  With that, she sent the two back on their way.  To where, you ask?  Why Clay, New York, of course, home to the most fashionable Yule goat of the ages, Darla, and her ever so kind and helpful goatmum, Mimi, the Goat Borrower.

By and by, Millie and Necessità arrived in Clay only to find that Darla had gone on a trip to Bethlehem herself.   They were greeted with  great enthusiasm, however,  by the Goat Borrower (because that's how MiMi is) and she asked them in.  It had begun to snow there in Clay, and our little duo could go no further without rest and sustenance.  Mimi, ever the grandest of hostesses, offered to share her Peanuts and even the ever-faithful Yellow Dog gave up his couch to the travelers.  (Now how generous is that?)  After a time, the snow fell so hard and fast that going further seemed a complete impossibility. Mimi began to fret, for how could Darla ever make it back to Clay, her being in the family way and all?  Surprised at this news, Millie and Necessità looked at each other.

"Just how far is Bethlehem from here?, asked Necessità?

"Why only two hours and twenty nine minutes according to Ye Olde Yahoo Maps and as the crow flies.", replied Mimi.  "But with the snow falling as it is, it will be far too deep for Darla to manage.  What if her blessed event were to happen along the way?"

"I know!", cried Necessità.  "I shall fly to Bethlehem using my ears  and guide Darla safely home.  This is what my ears were meant for!  All I have to do is to work out the correct pitch, or nose angle, and the most advantageous ear angle - not dihedral and certainly not anhedral, but angled just enough to produce the proper stability.  Then calculate the flight level to rise just enough to glide along the surface of the snow with Darla and her bundle slung on my back (and without looking like a peddler just opening my pack) without crashing.  I shall have to adhere to visual flight rules since I have no instrumentation, but I think I can do this!"

And so it was set.  Necessità, the adorable little goat with the airplane ears, set her flaps and took off into the wind bound for Bethlehem.  By and by she reached Bethlehem and located Darla (because how could anyone miss a goat with such fabulous fashion sense and such a magnificent Yule coat?)  Capra-Air  took off at 0300 hours, but met with an ill wind and blizzard conditions.  Darla was getting peckish, but sadly the flight had stopped giving Peanuts.  With great difficulty,  Necessità tried to keep to her flight plan, but the snow was too thick.  Suddenly she heard a sound no other ears could have heard.  The soft angelic voice of Millie calling her, guiding her home.  Following the voice, Necessità landed safely and just in the jolly old St. Nick of time, for Darla had gone into labor.

Later, the group gathered around Darla and her blessed event.  The snow had stopped and a bright star shone overhead marking the place of the birth.  A new Yule goat had entered the world to help heal it and to bring peace, for everyone knows if anyone can bring comfort and joy, it is a goat.  All thanks to a short yet adorably airplane-eared little goat with a penchant for philosophy.  Who knew?

And Necessità?  Well, with her new found purpose, she was able to fly home.  Back to the stable where she was born.  Back to the Alpines, the hairy-legged Roman Soldiers and to the Nubians.  The ones who could remember where they were supposed to be anyway.  And most importantly, back to the Peanuts.  Most importantly to the Peanuts.

"Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!" - Charles Dickens.

The end.

Finally.

Oy.

P.S.  The SnowCatcher and the Lizard met up in Tannu Tuva where they had independently each gone in search of the famous Tuvan Throat Singers.  They fell madly in love and got married.  Mrs. Micawber wrote a famous one-of-a-kind book on the magic of Crochet and ended up on Jay Leno.  And Millie went back to Iowa, which is, as we all know, Heaven anyway.

21 comments:

Millie said...

This is certainly a wonderful tale. You made my sappy human cry. Really...

Candy C. said...

Bravo, bravo!! What a splendid tale!! I loved the ending, brought a tear to my eye! Okay, well maybe that was the two margaritas but what the hay!! :)

Mrs. Micawber said...

(Just a moment while I wipe away the tears.)

What a touching and beautiful happy ending for all concerned! (Even the Roman Soldiers.)

And how very clever of our heroine to know such esoteric flying-related words as anhedral and ... the other hedral. (Not cat-hedral. Dog-hedral? Must open a new tab and re-read the post. Aha - DIhedral!)

I hope Snowcatcher and the Lizard asked Necesità to be a bridesgoat. :)

Marigold said...

Dear Millie,
Awww, those tears are probably really a result of living in heavenly Iowa with an angel, don't you think? :)

Marigold said...

Dear Candy,
Thank you, thank you! Probably she should have had a stop off in Arizona. Well, now that she can fly, who knows, eh? Now then, there are two ways we can look at this. Either the tale brought you to tears or drove you to drink. What do you think? :)

Marigold said...

Dear Mrs. Micawber,
Secretly the Roman Soldiers received an offer to do Nair commercials, but don't tell anyone yet. I am glad you like the story. Did you get Jay's autograph???

IsobelleGoLightly said...

Ooo! Hello! It's ME! Missy Mimi told me to make sure that even though I don't have a computer now, to come over to read this wonderful story. What a lovely tale. xoxoxoxo

IsobelleGoLightly said...

Ooo! Hi! Hello! It's ME! Missy Mimi told me that you had a lovely story over hear and I made my lady read it (shhhh - she's at work) and then tell me about it. I don't have a computer working at home but I asked my lady to tell you that this is wonderful! xoxoxoxo

Marigold said...

Dear Isobelle,
I am so sorry about your computer troubles, but I am so glad you got to come and see the special part you played in this story! :)

Marigold said...

Dear Isobelle,
Mums the word, of course! So glad you were able to read it! :)

Ginnie said...

I love happy endings!

Marigold said...

Dear Ginnie,
Me too. And even more so these days! :)

Mimi Foxmorton said...

Oh my goat goddess......

I am blubbing like a...well, like a great, huge blubbing thing.......
:')

What an amazing and magical gift you have given us......... *sniff*

Bright Blessings to you, luv.....
and it is my wish that we all, one day (far away) meet up in.....Iowa.........

*sniff*

All our love,

Mimi and Yellow Dog and Darla and (the soon to be)
Wee Baby Alice.......
xox

Marigold said...

Dear MiMi,
Now how do you know it isn't Alfred? I ask you? Could it not be an Alfred?

Snowcatcher said...

Oh, I'm so snickering, especially at the happily ever after. But I do wish I could have seen photos of the blessed event! How precious a baby goal must be!

And you thought I was talking about the wedding?!?!? :)

Merry Christmas, Marigold, the Goatmother and Goatfather!

Marigold said...

Dear SnowCatcher,
Well, the REAL Darla's blessed event hasn't really happened yet. I am more than sure that MiMi over at the Goat Borrower will be supplying us with a myriad of photos when it actually occurs. :) Stay tuned for real! :)

goatfarmer said...

Is this a true story?

Lee Zard said...

Kuule Beanz, Necessità!

Ah yes, the Siberian south. Snowcatcher and I have decided to stay while I hone my Tuvan throat singing skills, similar to skills used to siren the Snowcatcher. We've decided to become Tuvan peanut barons, as well. Oy! The Tuvan flakes are nice too.

Excellent tale Marigold!

Marigold said...

Dear GoatFarmer,
Yes.

Marigold said...

Dear Lee Zard,
Tuvan Peanut Farmers???!!!!! I can't fly like Necessità, but I'll be on the next plane. Don't get lost coming to pick me up, for Gaot's sake!

Marigold said...

Oops. Goat's. I meant GOAT'S!!!