"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


Oy. I can't help myself. This time it is me that is in trouble - caught in the dark clutches of my addiction. Yes, it is true. I freely admit it. I enjoy smashing Watson. For the first time, Ella is the nice one and I, I am the bad one. Oh, woe is me.

In my defense, I have been at the bottom of the butting barrel for quite awhile - last to eat grain, last to eat hay, last to get the sacred Peanuts (unless I can outsmart the other two by first creating a diversion). For the first time in my life I have someone else to push around. It feels sooo good that I am loath to stop. Still, I must find a way to conquer this ill before I am turned completely to the dark side of the Force. Oh, Obi Wan, where are you when I need you?

My name is Marigold and I am a Buttaholic. This is the first step to recovery in the 12 step program of the MBA, Myotonic Butters Anonymous. (You, perchance, thought I was going for a Business degree???) I have my work cut out for me.

Step 1: I have
admitted I am powerless over butting--that my life has become unmanageable. (Especially at dinner time.)

Step 2: I have come to believe that a Power, greater than myself, can restore me to sanity. (Hmm...must be Peanuts since it is a capital 'P'. I like that idea.)

Step 3:
I have made a decision to turn my will, and my desire to butt, over to the care of somebody else (anybody else) who might help me gain control. (No pinching please.)

Step 4: I have made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself (and all the Peanuts in the barn.)

Step 5: I have admitted to myself and another goat (Boo. I'll be a goat berry if I'll admit anything to Ella) the exact nature of my butting.

Step 6: I am entirely ready (I think) to have someone, anyone, remove my defects (what few there are) of character.

Step 7: I have humbly asked Him, who makes all Peanuts, to remove my shortcomings. (Although, I kind of feel like I'm short enough already...)

Step 8: I have made a list of all goats I have harmed (Watson, and occasionally Ella) and I have become w-i-l-l-i-n-g to make amends to them (Oy. This is gonna' hurt).

Step 9: I have made direct amends to such goats (well, I'm trying anyway) except when to do so would injure them again. (Well, they ought to learn to get the hay out of the way, don't you think???)

Step 10:
I have continued to take personal inventory (of the Peanuts in the barn), and when I was wrong, promptly spoke to someone about it! (Well, maybe not all that prompt,,,well, maybe more like never.)

Step 11: (Ah, almost there...) Sought to improve my conscious contact with the side of Watson, praying only for knowledge (not to mention desire) of how ABSOLUTELY NOT to go there anymore.

Step 12: (At last...) Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, I have tried to carry this message to others (that stupid mouse in the barn who, by the way, paid no attention) and to practice these principles in all my goatly affairs.

I feel much, much better now.


goatfarmer said...

Oh well, butt and let butt.

The Sweet Pea said...

Dear Marigold,
I can only imagine how tempting it would be to have a " fainter " in your midst!
I am constantly in trouble for butting the Oberhousi twins, the Dirty Sisters, but, I can not resist! I love to bite Mishia's tail when she gets to the peanuts before me, and I even go head to head with that pony sized GoaTee!! I'm addicted!! I know I get carried away from time to time ( nearly all the time ) with my love for butting!!
I was thinking of joining the program with you butt, there is no MBA organization down here in O'Brien and, I don't even have one of those myotonic
capricorns in my herd.
So, good luck with your 12 step program. I would like to support you, butt.....

Amos said...

Ah Marigold, you can always tell the goat-mother that you have to make sure it's a for-real fainter. I mean, really, what's the point of having a fainting goat when it doesn't faint when you butt it????

Marigold said...

Dear Amos,
Trust me. Watson is a FOR-REAL fainter. That guy faints if you look at him sideways! (which secretly is great because I get to see the results without having had to break my 12 step program)