"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

'Tis the Season

My name is Marigold and I am a buttaholic. Yes, it is true. Remember my former struggle and subsequent membership in the MBA (Myotonic Butters Anonymous)? I have fallen off the wagon. My friends, I am saddened to have you witness this setback. However, this morning I butted Watson - not once, but THREE times in a row. Twice in the side and once square in the goateus maximus. Naturally he fainted, but I was relentless, never allowing him time to fully recover before dealing the next crippling blow. In my defense, it is the holidays, and well, it is just SO difficult to remain 'on the wagon' during the holidays. It has happened time and time again. The parties. The Peanuts. You understand.

The goatmother came unglued and was in my face in an instant. Have you ever come nose to nose with an irate goatmother shaking a finger in your face and demanding cessation of any an all activity that you might even remotely be considering? Allow me to say it is the stuff nightmares are made of.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't just the holidays. I mean all this Shakespeare is beginning to grate on every resolve-challenged nerve I have left in my body. Why, even after the first time I butted him, Watson was still spewing forth lines like, "My words fly up, my thoughts remain below!", and, "The quality of mercy is not strained!", and even, " Beware the ides of those born in March!" OY. I lost it. I lost control. I was pushed to the jagged edge, teetering on the brink of madness.

Well, okay, maybe I am a little ashamed. At this time of year, I just hope Santa didn't notice. He is really busy just now. I can see it now - coal and burnt Peanuts in my stocking while everyone else enjoys large, succulent, carefully-roasted delectations. We'll hope Santa can forgive one small and unfortunate incident out of several months of solid constancy. Many's the time I've held myself in restraint.

Still, for all my good intentions, I feel I should impart one last counsel of wisdom and warning to young Mr. Watson. In the words of his very own hero, "There was never yet philosopher that could endure the toothache patiently." Wise words. Wise words, indeed, Mr. Shakespeare.


4 comments:

goatgirl said...

Alas poor Marigold, you can't help it........it is the Nubian part of you.

The Sweet Pea said...

What is done is done, dear Marigold!!
Now, remember above all else.....my philosopher friend.... to thine ownself be true, and it must follow as the night the day, thou cans't not then get yourself in trouble with the Goatmother!!!
At least not too much!!
But, good buddy, I do understand that all that Shakesparean talk can drive one a little wild!!! The Dirty sisters often go about quoting Mr. Shakespare. Mishia will listen to such talk for hours but, quite frankly, it gets on my nerves. Me and GoaTee start smacking and butting those Oberousi sisters silly!!!
So, I can understand how you fell of the wagon after being so consistently well behaved for months! I think I like Ralph Waldo Emerson better! " A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds "!! So, good buddy...... this proves you have a mighty big mind having fallen off the wagon for the holidays.
Your friend,
The Sweet Pea

deconstructingVenus said...

I'm so glad to hear of other herds imbibing in a little butting. I was beginning to think my goats are an anomaly. So. My Nubian has stopped butting my two new Nigerians, but guess what? My sweet tiny little angora girl has grown some cojones and decided she's gonna be the boss of SOMEBODY if it kills her. So now they even so much as look at her she goes running on her stubby little legs and gives 'em a good whack. In the belly. And they're pregnant. Help! What does your goat mother do to discourage such behavior? Yell?

Marigold said...

Dear DCV,
Sadly, we buttaholics can not be discouraged. You see there is a certain amount that just has to go on to establish the pecking order. Since Ms. Angora was their first, she sees it as her bound duty to let the new ladies know their place. Usually it stops once the 'order' is established. However, it sometimes still goes on especially when food or the 'goatmother' is involved. We goats are pretty resilient, though, pregnant or not, so it will probably be okay. Just watch for any 'signs' that something may be amiss with the pregnant ladies. Perhaps Baby Belle may have some sage advice? She has been around a lot longer than myself. :)