Lord of the Wings - The Return of the Thing

I know you have all been anxiously awaiting the third, and final, installment of the Lord of the Wings trilogy.  And, I would feel just horrible if I thought I was actually responsible for anyone's bated breath.  So, Hi-Ho Silver!, and on with the story!

Finally having reached the Highly UnWhite Gate, entrance to MoorDoors, Frodigold, WatWise and the creature, Goatmother, realized that it was far too heavily guarded by the repulsive and ravenous Urduck-hai.  So the creature, Goatmother, informed the pair that she knew of a secret entrance.  In reality, the tricksy Goatmother planned to lead Frodigold to Fluffy, a beastly giant Woolly Booger whose penchant was to feed on the fluids of its prey, mostly incompetent weathermen.  Once Frodigold had been dispatched and WatWise had fainted from fright, the cherrr-ishhh-ed would again be hers.  In the meantime, the eye of Ellaron searched unceasingly for THE ONE PEANUT. (Probably both eyes searched, but with an evil Alpine, who can tell.)

It came to pass after the fall of HerdnGuard, that a lone Nigerian, having traveled and fought alongside  BooBeard and the band of itinerant Nubians, came forward to claim that Frodigold and WatWise GoshOgee could only be successful in their quest if the eye of Ellaron was drawn away from its relentless search for THE ONE PEANUT.  The Nigerian's name was PeanutsRGorn, and he was actually the one true heir to the throne of Equidistant-Earth.  Why any intelligent Nigerian, let alone an aristocrat, should heretofore have been traveling with a band of itinerant Nubians, no one could say.  But Cabrarwen UnderFoot and Goatfather, the Grey, were mightily impressed by his prowess, for single-headedly he had butted back many of the fierce Urduck-hai.  So it was decided that Cabrarwen, Goatfather, the Grey, PeanutsRGorn, BooBeard, the band of itinerant Nubians, and anyone else remaining unscathed by the efforts of Ellaron and her minions, would march on the Highly UnWhite Gate.

Meanwhile, Frodigold, WatWise and the creature, Goatmother, had reached the secret entrance.  The Goatmother pointed to the entrance and pushed Frodigold forward.  Suddenly Fluffy appeared.  But the Goatmother got more than she bargained for because WatWise was made of sterner stuff than she had anticipated.  Years of fainting had given him the muscles of Atlas and he stilted forth ramming his head into Fluffy.  Fluffy was not killed (rated G for 'general' audiences), but ran away to Florida where the weather is much more predictable.  Frodigold was saved by the courage of her friend.  The creature, Goatmother, realizing she was now in deep goat berries, skulked away silently into the shadows.  Having lost their guide, Frodigold and WatWise were now on their own and the weight of THE PEANUT grew ever more burdensome.  Still they struggled on, and soon the depths of the barn at MoorDoors lay within their reach.

Back at the Highly UnWhite gate, a battle was about to begin.  Seeing his former friends in peril, Quinnurman, the Brown and White, threw aside his allegiance to the Dark Lord Ellaron, and joined the fray.  The eye of Ellaron swung to the gate and the repulsive host of Urduck-hai were ordered forward.

Unbeknownst to anyone, PeanutsRGorn had fulfilled an age-old prophecy by entering the Quacks of Doom and calling forth a ghostly army of ducks ( ancestors of the loathsome Urduck-hai ) who had long ago run, flapping and quacking, from battle.  As a result, they had been cursed to remain in the Quacks until such time as their oaths had been fulfilled.  As heir to the throne of Equidistant-Earth, PeanutsRGorn called them forth to fight.

"Will you fight for the heir?!!!"
" < silence > "
"Will.  You. Fight???!!!!!  What say you???!!!!!"
" Quack! "

By now (Isn't this exciting?), THE ONE PEANUT had taken control of Frodigold.

"It is mine!, my cherrr-ishhh-ed!"

Suddenly the creature, Goatmother, appeared from the gloom and jumped on Frodigold.

"Noooooo!  The cherrr-ishhh-ed is MINE!!!"

They fought.  The creature, Goatmother, grabbed THE PEANUT, tripped (Because she always was such a klutz.), and fell into the abyss that was the barn at MoorDoors.

All that was Ellaron disappeared with the destruction of THE ONE PEANUT.  PeanutsRGorn was crowned and took the throne, which looked strangely like a gold-encrusted and bejeweled hoof-trimming stand.  Cabrarwen and Quinnurman got together because they had always really liked each other, and Cabrarwen had been absolutely devastated when Quinnurman had gone to the dark side.  BooBeard and the herd of itinerant Nubians wandered off wondering what had really happened, where they were going, and what they were going to do when they go to where they didn't know they were going.  The ghostly ducks from the Quacks of Doom, were released from their oaths and wandered back to the pond to begin eating ghostly corn - which in the long run was a lot cheaper.  WatWise GoshOgee returned to the pasture, a hero in every sense of the word, and set about writing his memoirs.  But Frodigold - Frodigold was forever changed, wounded inwardly, beyond repair, by the weight she had borne.  In the end, she sailed west, over the fence, to the Green Havens filled with alfalfa.  And, in case you were wondering, Goatfather, the Grey,  formed a startup computer business and lived to a ripe old age, in front of his computer, until he became Goatfather, the White and could type no more.

Finis.