"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Sunday, April 15, 2007

The Department of Homegoat Security

Look at this. What? Where? Can't even see me, can you? This is me in stealth goat mode. The F-117 Nighthawk of goatdom, if you will. Notice the cutting-edge, raised, side-scan radar panels enabling me to monitor all possible offenders. Of late, I have become concerned with issues of Homegoat Security. I have organized a plan to mobilize goat forces in order to prevent terrorist attacks (coyote, cougar, bobcat, lynx, marauding bands of wild dogs), and to deal with immigration (mountain beaver and mice) issues.

We, here at Homegoat Security, are concerned with meeting and carrying out our strategic goals. Allow me to expound. First, and foremost, is Awareness. We are trained to identify any and all threats to goat environment, Peanuts and the grain room. We are dedicated to Protecting said assets in the manner most efficacious (which usually entails a lot of butting). Our members (myself, Ella, Boo, possibly Quinn and that darned fainting goat, if it ever gets here) are trained to respond to acts of terrorism, border encroachment, defilement of sacred space (like the grain room), and all acts of fraudulent purloining of Peanuts. Recovery is only employed if said assets are unblemished and haven't hit the ground first. After all, we can not, and will not, be expected to cross the bounds of simple good hygiene. Issues of Immigration (mountain beavers crossing into goat space) will be monitored (stealth surveillance) and dealt with (stomping of existing or new holes) accordingly.

We, here at Homegoat Security, are dedicated to excellence and uncommon valor. We strive to create an environment devoid of disregard for caprine quality of life, and thrive on mutual respect between all species (as long as the other species do it our way). We are unwaivering in our resolve.

2 comments:

The Sweet Pea said...

Dear Marigold,
you are always thinking!! I can understand your inclination toward forming a " Department of Homegoat Security " since we did that little trade with those mountain beaver critters. Now you have a cougar a few bobcats and
elots of coyotes to be concerned with.
All in all it seems like a good trade from this end. I will just keep the Dirty Sisters ( Boogie and Bhohdi ) up all night guarding those beavers in the event they try to undermine our barn structure with all those holes they are alleged to create.
And, please, Marigold....do not issue any of those colored alerts.....especially ORANGE!!! The Dirty Sisters don't like orange, nor do I.
Well, keep the radar panels enabled, Marigold but do get some rest! Don't forget that Boo is a mighty fine alert system with that voice of hers and I'm sure she can help you out!!
Over.....and out.

goatfarmer said...

Marigold - I like your bolding system for conveying the importance of your mission. I applaud you in your goatriotic endeavors. Ever vigilant. Semper fi. Etc. 10-4 for now.