"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Top Gun

Brass Ring Jet's Top Gun. That is his formal sobriquet. His friends just call him 'Gunner'. I sincerely hope I am considered a friend. Magnificent! There is no other word to describe this rugged rock of manhood... or rather goathood. LOOK AT THAT BEARD!!!! (...swoon...) ...AND THOSE HORNS!!!! (...Oh, heavenly transcendence... )

Allow me to regale you with a few facts about my objet de l'amour. 'The Gun' (as I like to call him) lives in Possum Trot, Tennessee. Okay. Stop laughing! There really is a place called Possum Trot. Look it up already, for goat's sake! 'The Gun' lives on an acreage called Brass Ring Farm in Marshall County, which, for those of you who know nothing about Fainting Goats, is the infamous home of said breed. Possum Trot is even more infamous than Marshall County, however, because' The Gun's' goatmother likes to drive about town in her PT Cruiser with goats hanging out all the windows. She is a legend. The bank (yes, I think there is one in Possum Trot) even gives her goats lollipops at the drive-up window. (I am presently trying to convince the goatparents to take me with them next time they go, but so far they have been unable to see the merit in this idea.) Anyway, Brass Ring Farm is home to a lot of Fainting Goats. I can not give you an exact number because on any given day this number, for some odd reason, seems to fluctuate. You know how you can't have just one donut? 'The Gun's' goatmother makes donuts for a living. I suppose that might explain things. Anyway, if you are interested, you can go here and view who was there at least on the day the pictures were taken. Unfortunately, most of the inhabitants on this farm are girls. This does not bode well for me, I realize, but then perhaps 'The Gun' has never met an intellectual, new-millennium kind of babe such as myself. (I am SO sure that Cosmo cover is going to help.)

Now 'The Gun' has an impressive show record, which, as far as I'm concerned, is just icing on the cake. His true assets lie in that stately and audacious physique, as well as his amiable and propitious personality. You know, sensitive in a beef-cake kind of way? Ah, what more could a girl ask for?

Okay, well I just felt it was only right I explain my obsession further lest you think me frivilous. I assure you, however, that I have never been more serious. As it is, it is getting quite close to Valentine's Day. Can you guess where my valentine will be going? I believe it was Bertrand Russell who said, "The good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge." Spot On, Russell! I got this baby in the bag!


goatgirl said...

Might you find a man......I mean goat, closer to home? I have been wondering Marigold, with all this talk of babies, if you have had kids.

Marigold said...

Alas, I am kidless. The goatmother is too lazy...errr, uncommitted to want to milk. Of course, if anyone had kids she would HAVE to milk. Plus, she figures she could never let go of one of any of our precious babies and she would end up like 'The Gun' man's goatmother. It is just as well. There are closer men to be had, but none could measure up.

deconstructingVenus said...

Oh he is the handsomest manly goat I have every seen. Any goat who can almost walk on his own beard must be sent from the gods.

Kathryn and Ari said...

Oh, Marigold, you've picked an absolute Adonis! Good luck wooing him--maybe an Italian sonnet or two? Or a quote from Plato's "Symposium?" I'm sure one of those will work.

PS- We thought our friend, who lives on Goosepecker Ridge Road, had the best street name. Now we're not so sure.

Anonymous said...

This blog is so cool - I love the Gun's massive beard! I have never seen one that long before LOL