"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Bend It Like Beckham

Just why is it that so many people these days are fascinated with Soccer? And really, the fascination doesn't just end with people. Take, for example, the Mighty Quinn. Granted he still hasn't figured out how to herd goats, but you won't see me complaining about that anytime soon. Still, I have to hand it to the guy. When it comes to soccer, well, I can't imagine a dog being any more adept at the game. Just take a look at this:

Allow me to give you a little play-by-play commentary. You see the Mighty Quinn is what is known as the Striker. That would be the team's Forward and primary scoring threat. Now Cabra, on the other hand, would be what is known as the Attacking Midfielder. You see it is her job to play right behind the Striker, a position she manages with a great deal of zest and skill. She is also very good at Charging, a method of running at and unbalancing the player who has possession of the ball. Or course it would probably be better if the one in possession were actually on the opposing team.

Nonetheless, occasionally the ball goes into the goal and just sort of gets 'stuck' there. In the above video we can see the Mighty Quinn's solution to this dilemma as he employs a Trap, using his entire body to scoot the ball backward where it can again be entered into the field of play. In the end we see him employ the move he is credited with creating as he uses the ball to spin his entire body into the direction of play. Of course, such expenditures of energy do tend to sap one's momentum.

So after witnessing such fine prowess on the playing field, we goats thought we might give it a try. After all, a goat simply should be better at things than a dog. At any rate, the result has been captured below - for posterity.

Initially, I approach the ball. It doesn't seem to be doing anything, so I ignore it. A shrewd play as is witnessed by the congratulatory chest-bump combo I exchange with Boo afterward. (Okay, well, heads work a lot better than chests for goats.)

Next, Peanut approaches the ball, snorts and does a diagonal cross toward the barn. This is clearly an attempt at the Offside Trap, a play of defense to catch the attacking team offside. I think it worked rather nicely, and I must say the added 'snort' really makes anyone think twice before trying to steal that ball.

Afterward, we see Watson approach the ball and then do a Feint (that is Feint and not Faint, by the way), no doubt thinking that if he looks away from the ball it might just come after him - or not. After all, he did freeze up a couple of times.
Still he is probably the best Stopper we have - in more ways than one.

Now we come to an example of the Drop Ball, a method of restarting the game. All team members scatter, suspecting a Foul, no doubt, but ending up in the Corner Arc in a mass effort to thwart the ball from entering the goal.
It is unclear as to why Boo looks so alarmed.

Lastly, we see Peanut execute a masterful rendition of the Banana Kick. Too bad he wasn't in contact with the ball at the time, but rather felt the ball was trying to get into contact with him. In the end, I suppose the fact that everyone ran off-field indicates that perhaps Soccer really isn't the best sport for goats. Well, I don't mind. After all,
“The spotlight will always be on me, but it's something I'm learning to live with as the years go by.” - David Beckham


goatfarmer said...

Well played by the Caprine side! Not a ball hog among them! Jolly unselfish lot! Goatchester United rules the pitch!

goatgirl said...

I mean really, Marigold, who needs to herd goats when you can just scare them with a ball?

Marigold said...

Really, goatgirl. You misunderstand. We were not scared (well, except for maybe Boo, but then fear is not the same thing as alarm to a Nubian). It was all part of the game strategy. Really it was...Really.

Farmgirl_dk: said...

Ah ha ha ha ha...now, I'm not much of a soccer fan unless my boy is playing, but I would actually buy a ticket to one of your home games, Marigold. Well played, lass, well played!
And as is frequently shrieked in Germany as the ever-popular Fussball game is played: "Tor, Tor, Tor!!!"

goatgirl said...

Really Marigold.....I think not.

Kathryn and Ari said...

Our human father once played donkey ball as part of a benefit. Is that the same thing?

Marigold said...

Dear Kathryn and Ari,
I don't think so, Tim...I mean Kathryn and Ari. In Donkey ball 'riding' is happening. Ain't nobody ridin' this goat!

Turbo the Sibe said...

Yes, definitely will have a part of my administration. My next door neighbors are goats!