"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Cheesy Cheesecake Trick

I have always heard that you ought to be careful what you ask for. Well, I know, now, that this bit of advice is indeed true. In fact, it has become my new mantra. You may recall that I was a bit miffed in my last post, since the goatmother had neglected to offer me even a taste of the delectable chocolaty, Peanutty goodness that she made in her crock pot. Okay. I admit it. I complained rather vociferously. Maybe even loudly. Perhaps a bit ad nauseum. All right, obnoxious. I was obnoxious. Still, in my defense, it did involve Peanuts and the goatmother simply should have known. I mean it isn't like there's any question as to whether or not I like them. In fact, when it comes to the goodiferousness of the groundnut, there's just no sense in hiding any lights under any bushels, now is there?

So it happened that the goatmother decided to make yet another dessert in her crock pot. And, since I chose to bemoan my plight so laudably the last time, she decided to give me a taste. I was delighted. My efforts had paid off - the squeaky wheel and all that! You go, Marigold! So when I saw the goatmother coming toward the fence, baggie in hand, I was there first. No WAY was Ella getting MY bite after I had worked so hard to get it here in the first place. Imagine my complete disillusionment when the proffered bit met my mouth and didn't taste anything like a Peanut. It would seem that the goatmother had decided, this time, to make a Crustless Lemony Cheesecake. The first bite was already there and down the hatch faster than a speeding Peanut, but I can tell you that not another bite crossed my lips. Nor the lips of anyone else, for that matter. I mean NOBODY wanted to eat that stuff - not even Boo.

Oy. I learned my lesson. 'Thou shalt not be indiscriminate in thy complaints.'

I don't think the goatmother ever understood. "What is wrong, Marigold?" It's a taste. You wanted a taste. And besides, this one might actually be okay for your figure - unlike that last one."

Anyway, out of pity, and because she did at least pay attention this time, I'll post the recipe here for you. Maybe you'll like it. Who knows?

Crustless Lemony Cheesecake

Makes: 8 servings (a hapless dream)
Slow Cook: 2 hours 15 minutes to 2 hours 45 minutes on High (Since you cleaned the barn last time, this time maybe take the goats on a walk-about. Or, if you are mad at Ella, take a nap.)


Non-stick cooking spray

12 ounces cream cheese softened (You can use the fattening stuff, but the goatmother used the reduced fat. She says she is going to try 'fat-free' next time. I am not sure if she means herself or the cream cheese, but from the looks of things, probably the cream cheese.)
1/2 C. sugar (The goatmother used 1/2 and 1/2 sugar and Splenda.)
2 Tbsp. lemon juice (Okay. Now I understand where the 'pucker' came from. Oy.)
1 Tbsp. all-purpose flour (Of course you do this on purpose. It says to. Go figure.)
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 C. sour cream
3 eggs lightly beaten (Why would you want to beat up an egg? This seems inhumane to me, but what do I know. I'm just a goat.)
2 tsp. finely shredded lemon peel
1 C. warm water

Fresh raspberries (optional)
Fresh mint (optional) ('Optional' this and 'optional' that. What's wrong with Peanuts on top? Then they wouldn't need to say 'optional'.)


1. Lightly coat a 1-quart souffle dish or casserole with cooking spray. (Okay, did you actually think the goatmother is sophisticated enough to own a souffle dish? She found a crockery bowl in her cupboard that would fit inside her crock pot and still hold 1 quart.) Tear off an 18 x 12 inch piece of heavy-duty foil; cut in half lengthwise. Fold each piece lengthwise into thirds. Crisscross the foil strips and place the dish in the center of the crisscross; set aside. (I know this sounds like Boo wrote it, but trust me. All will be revealed.)

2. For filling, in a large bowl, combine cream cheese, sugar, lemon juice, flour and vanilla. Beat with an electric mixer on medium speed until well mixed. Beat in sour cream until smooth. Add eggs (no doubt crying for mercy by now), beating on low speed just until combined. Stir in lemon peel.

3. Pour mixture into the prepared souffle dish (Or, if you are not so couth, the prepared bowl); cover tightly with foil. Pour the warm water into a 3 1/2 to 5 quart slow cooker. Bringing up the foil strips, lift the ends of the strips to transfer the dish to the cooker. (No matter how you try, you need four hands for this. I can't help you. I don't have any hands. You'll have to call the goatfather to help you.) Leave foil strips under dish.

4. Cover and cook on high-heat setting for 2 hours, 15 minutes to 2 hours, 45 minutes, or until the center is set. (Or maybe you could bring a portable DVD player to the barn so the goats could watch 'The Men Who Stare At Goats'.)

5. Carefully lift with foil strips to remove dish (Oh, goooat-faaaather .... ); discard foil strips. Cool completely on a wire rack. Cover and chill for 4 to 24 hours. (Okay, I could wait this long, but I don't think just anyone could. Twenty-four seems like an awful long time to wait.) To serve, spoon cheesecake into dessert dishes (or a baggie if you are offering it to your goats. Or, if you have to call the dogs to eat it because the goats refused. Dogs will eat just about anything.) If desired, garnish with raspberries - (or PEANUTS.)

Nutrition Facts -

Servings Per Recipe - 8 (not in this household); Calories - 253 (Okay, it is much lower if you use the lower fat or non-fat cream cheese, and the 1/2 and 1/2 sugar and Splenda. Hey, you could even use 'Egg Beaters'. That way somebody else has already beaten up those poor little buggers and you didn't even have to get involved.); Total Fat - (g) 19 (See previous comment.); Saturated Fat - (g) 11 (Ditto); Cholesterol - (mg) 131 (Previously Pummeled eggs from the store contain less cholesterol. They have had the 'cholestecrap' beaten out of them.); Sodium - (mg) 159; Carbohydrate - (g) 15 ; Protein - (g) 6; Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet (which we have previously established absolutely NO ONE has.)

So there you have it. I hope you enjoy it more than I did.
"Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.


Claire the Shepherdess said...

wow, this sounds really good. As soon as I get into my new farm and have my crock pot unpacked, I shall try it. gleefully. And Lucky Nickel can test it.

Marigold said...

Dear Lucky Nickel,
Don't say I didn't warn you.

goatfarmer said...

Tangy would eat it.

Marigold said...

Dear goatfarmer,
This speaks volumes about Tangy.