"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

A New Super Power

You may recall that the Goatmother, thanks to the presence of the port, has joined the ranks of the Power Puff Girls as Butt-erBean (Sorry, I just had to spell it that way.  Just call it goatwriter's license.), caped crusader for good?  Well, let me just say she takes her role seriously.  As a result, she has been pondering myriad ways to thwart evil, stand for good, and uphold the rights of men, women, moms, goats and apple pie.  Oh, wait.  Maybe not so much with the apple pie.  Apple pie does pretty well on its own.

Anyway, like I said, she's been considering this a lot.  Then, quite by accident, the Goatmother came to be aware of a new Super Power.  Now you are likely wondering just how a port-possessing, chemically enhanced, bald ninja of a woman of questionable age could possibly come up with a new Super Power.  Let's just say the Universe sometimes likes to surprise you.

Picture this, if you will.  The Goatmother is outside.  She hasn't been going outside much because, well, chemotherapy  kind of does that to you.  This has served to make the Goatmother rather cranky, which is really saying something considering she is normally hardly ever cranky.  (Except, of course, when it comes to Ella because, let's face it, who doesn't Ella make cranky?)  Anyway, the Goatmother is sitting outside on the back deck when suddenly she hears a high pitched whine in the vicinity of her ear.  That's when it hit her.

"Come on, you sorry little blood sucking vampire.  Bite me!  I dare you!!!"


"Come on, you flying little sack of insectoidal vermination!!!  What'sa matta you?  Cheeeecken?   Pock-pock-pock-brawwwaaackk!!!!  I double-dog...no double-GOAT DARE you!!!!!!"


"Aw, come ON.  Dude!  One bite.  Just one eensy, teensy, tiny little taste.  There's stuff flowin' in these veins you don't even wanna' know what it is!!!!!"

"Whhhhrrrtttt.....wheeeeeee.... zzzzzzzzz     ....     plop."

And that's how it happened.  Butt-erBean.  Saving the World - one blood sucker at a time.

"Personal transformation can and does have global effects. As we go, so goes the world, for the world is us. The revolution that will save the world is ultimately a personal one." - Marianne Williamson


Mrs. Micawber said...

Wow, so chemo's good for something besides butting the hay out of cancer!

Drought is another mosquito-beater. Take my word for it.

Your quote at the end reminds me very much of these lines of John Donne:

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind...."

My humble greetings to the Super Mosquito-Slaying Butt-er Bean. (How many initials can we possibly tack on to her name?) :)

Marigold said...

Dear Mrs. Micawber,
Who knew? And really, we can tack a lot of initials onto the Goatmother's name. Didn't you ever wonder why there's that extra 1/2 inch on an 8 1/2 x 11 inch piece of paper?

Millie said...

Well now that is a good power. If it works for ticks, we'd love to have her come visit us with her super powers!

Marigold said...

Dear Millie,
I suspect it works on all kinds of things. Come to think of it...I sure hope the Goatfather doesn't bite her. :)

Faith said...

I am liking the goatmother's style....strikes me that she could be put to work in many jobs now.....Butt-erBean is indeed an excellent name for her.

Marigold said...

Dear Faith,
I think it is destiny. :)

"Auntie" sezzzzzz... said...

Mosquito Killer!!!!!! Wow! Could you hire yourself out, for garden parties? Ya' know, like rich people have parties catered... Well, why wouldn't rich people prefer to mosquito-proof their fancy guests, with out that residual chemical smell from sprays?

Mmmmmmmm, Dear "Marigold," I fear that your Dear Readers are getting as *wonky* as you yourself, Dear Extraordinary Goat which you are.


And you be very nice to Goatmother 'cause she is a peach! ,-)

Gentle hugs,
"When a man gives his opinion, he's a man.
When a woman give her opinion, she's a bitch."

~~Bette Davis

Claire the Shepherdess said...

Fan-freaking-tastic! How, how do I put this into action on my farm, because here in NS, we grow those things the size of hummingbirds, or perhaps larger. I need a scarecrow of sorts, which is not actually scary, and which is very attractive to the little beasties, and I must fill it with the drug of choice, and encourage all the flying vipers to come and partake. Oh, this will take planning my friend, much planning.

Snowcatcher said...

You certainly have a super power way of turning what many would regard as a depressing moment into a super power giggle!

Can I send some grasshoppers your way?!? ;)

J (worried) said...

Marigold, please tell the goatmother not to dare biters! What if the potential biter had been a bear or a shark? Would the goatmother be so bold? Are we sure she retains the ability to discriminate?

I wonder if Tom Cruise would like to suckle? Sure would do Katie Holmes a world of good; the less vampires out there the better.

The goatfather should be auditioning the ones who the world will be better off without. Someone needs serious supervision outdoors.

Candy C. said...

What an AWESOME Super Power! Butt-erBean to save the day!!

Marigold said...

Dear Auntie,
Wonky is good.

Marigold said...

Dear Claire,
There is a way, but it doesn't come highly recommended. :)

Marigold said...

Dear Snowcatcher,
It was most certainly a depressing moment ... for the mosquito anyway. :)

Marigold said...

Dear Candy,
Yes, Go Butt-erBean! (You notice she didn't call that mosquito a candy-butt? :))

Marigold said...

Dear J,
Never fear, Marigold is here. As for Tom Cruise. We do not acknowledge his existence and that's an even better super power to have. :)

staples said...

Mr Farmer has always been an excellent defense against mosquitos (for anyone except himself), because his blood is apparently so tasty that no self-respecting mosquito would bite anyone else when Mr Farmer is around. There is one unfortunate side effect of the Mr Farmer Mosquito Protection Scheme - Summer nights are punctuated by Mr Farmer jumping out of bed, turning the lights on, grabbing the can of fly spray and hunting down the mosquito he thinks he *might* have heard. The Super Mosquito-Slaying Butt-er Bean gives us new hope for a Summer of uninterrupted sleeps...

Please pass our thanks on to the Goatmother for thwarting evil on an international scale, and for her ability to turn everything into a positive.

Marigold said...

Dear Staples,
How big do they grow them in New Zealand? (Mosquitos, not farmers). Mr. Farmer ought to be careful because he could become an international agent (like INTERPOL) to draw those critters to places...like weapons of itchy destruction. Anyway, we'll do our best here to dwindle the supply available so he won't have to go to work.