"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Saturday, July 21, 2012

So Here's The Thing ...

I'm sure no one has been keeping track, but come Monday the Goatmother is going for Round 3 with the champ.  Okay, well, maybe not the champ, but on the other hand, if it gets rid of the evil 'C' monster it's a champ in my book and can have the ring, the big belt buckle and everything.  Anyway, what this means is that tomorrow the Goatmother must take the steroids.  Now, if you recall, the steroids turn the Goatmother into the Barry Bonds of cleaning and may actually qualify her for the Hall of Fame.  Nothing is safe.  But this time, the Goatmother thought she'd get a little head start.  I mean why do it all in one day?

So first the dogs got a bath (See?  I told you nothing was safe.  And I can tell you it is a darned good thing the Goatfather is taking care of us goats right now, or we'd all be hiding.)  Next there was laundry, finding a place to store her burgeoning hat collection, hanging the beautiful Snowcatcher snowflakes, deadheading the African Violets, a little light dusting, the dishes, etc. etc. etc.  Then it came time to clean the bathrooms, which, of course, required some mirror cleaning.  So the Goatmother reached into the cabinet and pulled out the blue bottle of Windex and headed for the bathroom.  Now the bathroom mirror has three panels, so the Goatmother sprayed all three panels liberally and and began to wipe it off.  Naturally the first swipe always leaves a film, so you have to go over it again with a dry paper towel to achieve that streak-free shine.  She rubbed and rubbed, but for some reason that film just wasn't coming off.  Hmmmm.  "Must be because I grabbed those paper towels that were under the steam cleaner", she thought.  So she dutifully got a fresh roll of paper towels and tore off a brand new one.  She sprayed the three panels again and wiped it off just as before, but oddly the film seemed to have gotten even worse.  This time when she used the second clean paper towel, that stubborn film just refused to do anything but smear around. 

The Goatmother rubbed and rubbed, but her arms were beginning to get awfully tired.  "Ah, ha!", thought she.  "I will use rubbing alcohol like I do on my glasses!"  So out came the rubbing alcohol liberally poured onto yet another clean paper towel.  By this time, quite a pile of paper towels was beginning to build up on the counter.  Let it never be said that the Goatmother is anything but completely thorough.  No amount of paper towels is too large to expend when one is on a quest.  But even the rubbing alcohol and more clean paper towels could not remove that film. 

"What in the world is going on?", thought the Goatmother.  And that was when the elevator finally made it to the top floor.  The Goatmother looked at the blue bottle in her hand whose label  had magically morphed from Windex to ... Oxi-Clean.  For sure ain't no stains on that mirror.

So let this be a lesson to you.  "The way to get ahead is to start now.  While many of us are waiting until conditions are 'just right' before we go ahead, others are stumbling along, fortunately ignorant of the dangers that beset them.  By the time we are , in our superior wisdom, decided to make a start, we discover that those who have gone fearlessly on before, have, in their blundering way, traveled a considerable distance.  If you start now, you will know a lot next year that you don't know now, and that you will not know next year, if you wait." - William Feather.

20 comments:

Terry said...

The dogs should be very, very relieved that she used shampoo on them and not hand cream. Is she doing the barn tomorrow? Watch out, goats!

Millie said...

Well, at least she got a good start, and when the steroids kick in, she can keep trying to get that mirror back to shiny! She certainly won't run out of something to do that way.

Marigold said...

Dear Terry,
What's that you say?? I can't hear you. I'm in the barn hiding. Shhhhhh...

Marigold said...

Dear Millie,
Now that's a good thought. If she's in there all preoccupied with that mirror, she'll never think about the goats or the barn. This is a good thing. You have given us all hope.

Mrs. Micawber said...

With the housework out of the way, she can bake cookies on Sunday. :)

Marigold said...

Dear Mrs.Micawber,
Peanut Butter.

Faith said...

Steroid induced baking session sounds like a mammoth affair.....maybe you could open a shop......Goatmother's Grub (in UK this means food, not sure if the same across the pond?)

Hope round three goes ok.x

"Auntie" sezzzzzz... said...

Oh good grief!!!! "Murphy's Law" again. Wouldn't ya' know.

But then, hasn't everyone done that kind of thing????? Picked up the wrong bottle???

Sure we have!

But I know, it doesn't help one teensy, tiny bit. -giggles-

Best of luck with the next round!!!! Stay rested, after the steriods.

Must ask daughter if she got steroids. Each case is diff, of course. She did not get a stent, because her doc said no to that... I already asked that question.

Gentle hugs,
"Auntie"

Candy C. said...

Oh, my! I hope the Goatmother is able to get that dreaded film off of the mirror with the paper towels left in the house! ;-)
You goats should hide very carefully, Marigold, just in case she runs out of house cleaning chores. No baths for goats!! Yikes!

Marigold said...

Dear Faith,
Yes, 'Grub' can mean food across the pond. It can also be a worm though. :) How about 'Goatmother's Roasted Peanuts'? I would go for that. In fact, I might keep her in business, come to think of it. Except I have no money so I'd have to pay her with love. :) Still, she might go for that.

Marigold said...

Dear Auntie,
Well, the Goatmother is prone to that kind of thing. Should we tell you about the time she didn't have her glasses on and after her bath sprayed her underarm with a can of WD-40? :)

Marigold said...

Dear Candy,
There is one advantage to a filmy mirror. One can't see one's lack of hair quite as well. :) As for the goats, no worries. We be layin' low. :)

J (hopeful) said...

At least the goatmother did not DRINK the oxi-clean. I can see her passing the blue Koolaid like substance around and gleefully encouraging consumption....come, drink, be merry!

Marigold, as I have mentioned before, the woman needs monitoring.

And, if the goatmother has enormous amounts of cleaning energy post-steroid intake, please beam her over to my place. It could use a drug-induced cleaning frenzy.

Marigold said...

Dear J,
No worries. No one here would think of drinking anything that color no matter how much encouragement we got. No beaming, by the way. Who knows where the Goatmother might end up.

Buffybelle said...

I would sure like to get my hooves on some of that steroid stuff. My Goatmom needs it. I need my stall cleaned.

Marigold said...

Dear BuffyBelle
If she gets some, be afraid. Be very afraid.

Snowcatcher said...

WD-40 deodorant?!? Well, that would have been appropriate for long-term mirror cleaning...

I was just so sure you were going to say you had spray-painted your mirrors.

Hope the treatment went okay and that superpower makes life fun, not exhausting.

Marigold said...

Dear Snowcatcher,
Yes, it gave a whole new meaning to 'elbow grease'...just higher up. :) As for the superpower, I'm afraid it does mess with sleep. Not so good unless one wants to clean all night too. :)

Buffybelle said...

Were you by chance wearing that Nubian looking hat when you were cleaning the mirror?

Marigold said...

Dear BuffyBelle,
Snicker...now there's a thought. Unfortunately, the Goatmother did it all on her own. :)