"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

The goatmother was trying to dig a hole to plant a flower.  Let us just say that our soil is considerably opposed to disturbance.  Even the rain doesn't penetrate it.  As a result, the goatmother pulled a muscle in her back.  This makes her quite reluctant to bring the computer out to the barn.  Thus, Wednesday's Words of Wisdom are late.  Again.  Nonetheless, here they are.  Please take heed, because the goatmother certainly did not.  "The first thing you ought to do when you find yourself in a hole is quit digging ... Instead they are looking for a bigger shovel." - President Bill Clinton.“  Trust me on this.  There ain't no shovel big enough.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

It's Wednesday.  Wednesday's almost over, for goats' sake!  I almost forgot.  Can you believe it?  I must be getting old.  Well, Wednesday's words of wisdom are this:  Don't forget it is Wednesday.

"The existence of forgetting has never been proved:  we only know that some things do not come to our mind when we want them to."  -  Friedrich Nietzsche.

Now,what was I saying????

Saturday, July 16, 2011

No More Complaints

"Mammy!  Mammy!  The crops is failin'!!!!!"

Have you ever seen a goat roll their eyes? Gardener Goatmothers.  Oy.  Such a drama queen.

No more complaints from me, though, about the weather.  Not a peep.  Not a baaa.  I'm keeping my hoof over Boo's mouth too.  I just heard on the news that at least 40 states will be 90 degrees or above this week.

Dear Big Guy,
Pay no attention to the little goat behind the screen.  She is really quite satisfied not to be frying.  Really. 
Thank you for listening.

Your friend,

Last Night

Remember yesterday when I said there was a 60% chance of rain and that left 40% for the goatmother to spray the stinky Bobbex?  Well, the weather forecasts are rarely very accurate here.  I think they might actually be accurate for some place in the northern hemisphere, but not for here.  Anyway, that 60% actually turned out to be 100%, and it rained all night.  Guess who doesn't mind dining al fresco in the rain?  

So this morning, the goatmother put up a section of four foot field fence around the lettuce bed.  Yes, the dear deer can still hop into the other part of the garden and stretch her head over to the lettuce while munching the strawberries. Still at least now it will be more difficult.  We goats are hoping this is a lazy deer and thus prone to just not bother.  You are probably wondering why a goat should even care. I can tell you it has to do with the goatmother's insistence that because we are close to the garden, we should be willing to help.  Let's just say I simply refuse to learn to bark.  Oy.

Friday, July 15, 2011

The Bloom Is Off the Rose

You may recall that recently I may have gone on a bit about our bad weather this year.  Okay, maybe 'ad nauseum' might fit, but Hay!, I'm a tell-it-like-it-is kind of goat.  Anyway, we have had 15.35 inches of rain since the beginning of the year.  Our normal for the entire year, is around 17 inches.  What does this tell you?  It's not that I mean to be critical, but we've only had 4 days this month that we actually made it to 70 degrees.  Why should I be upset?  I mean we did hit 76 degrees.  Once.  Back on June 5th.

At any rate, it is affecting everything from goats' coats to vegetation.  Blackberries are trying to take over the planet, my friends.   This is just the beginning.  Today western Washington, tomorrow the world.  Mark my words.  Naturally, the things one wants to grow, sadly, are not.  This year has been a gardener's nightmare.  From the slugs ... by the way, what do you think of this baby? :

To the dear deer:

Nothing planted is safe from the onslaught of JAWS.  At first the goatmother sprayed the mightily stinking Bobbex, and  this worked  until all the rain washed most of it away.  Then she came up with the ever clever idea of Monsieur Scare-Deer.  Well, something seemed to be working because about the only sign we saw of the deer was when she was standing in the drive one day, staring at Boo.  I gotta' admit Boo's girth is rather awe inspiring, but anyway, there had been no further damage to the garden. The goatmother planted some really beautiful lettuce that is green with splotches of red called 'Flashy Trout's Back'.  Of course, with so little sun, anything planted has pretty much been sitting in the ground sporting little signs reading ,'Solarly-Challenged.  Coming Soon To A Garden Near You.'  Then last week we got a few days of sun, and BAM!, (Ooo!  Just like Emeril!), the lettuce actually reached a semi-ready-to-pick size.  Woo Hoo!

My friends, it was not to be.  Monsieur Scare-Deer somehow lost his mystique, and last night the dear deer  finally realized that guy was NEVER going to the house.  She picked the largest heads of lettuce, which are now the smallest heads of lettuce.  There is a 60% chance of rain today, but that left 40% for the goatmother to spray some more Bobbex.  She even sprayed Monsieur Scare-Deer, who is now Monsieur Le Pue!  (Why, oh why, does the garden have to be so close to the barn?)

We'll see.  The grand Lavender Festival is this weekend.  30,000 people will be pouring into a town of normally 3 or 4 thousand.  We've been taking bets as to how many oblivious sign-ignorers  will have to make three-point turns at the end of our drive. The goatmother's going to make popcorn! In the meantime, maybe the deer and the slugs will travel en masse and become hopelessly lost in all the festivities.  Like lemmings.  It could  happen ...

"I have approximate answers and possible beliefs and different degrees of certainty about different things, but I'm not absolutely sure of anything, and many things I don't know anything about, such as whether it means anything to ask why we're here, and what the question might mean.  I might think about it a little bit, but if I can't figure it out, then I go on to something else.  But I don't have to know an answer....  I don't feel frightened by not knowing things, by being lost in the mysterious universe without having any purpose, which is the way it really is, as far as I can tell, possibly.  It doesn't frighten me."  ~Richard Phillips Feynman

I think I'll go have a Peanut.

It's Never Too Early

Thanks to October Farm's blog, I am now officially prepared for Halloween.  See?  Look over there in the sidebar.  Hay!  One can never be too early for such things.  Now if I could only find one showing a Countdown To Marigold's Next Peanut, my life would be complete.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

Okay, well, last week I was late, so this week I'm making up for it by being early.  Makes perfect sense to me.

Anyhow, we live at the end of the road.  In fact, if you didn't manage to negotiate the turn in the drive, you would end up in the pasture.  Visitors are nice, but I'm NOT sharing my Peanuts.  Just so you know.  

Now, at the top of our road is a sign.  A nice yellow sign with black lettering that clearly states, 'Dead End.  No Turn Around.'  Yet, despite the very conciseness of these words, people inevitably come down our road and then have nowhere to go.  I can't tell you how many times this happens, but blatant disregard causes them to have to make a three-point turn in order to go back the way they came.  Either that or they are forced to back up all the way.  Sometimes it is kind of entertaining because, let's face it, the three-point turn is an art.  Still, I often find myself wondering when one of them is going to end up in the pasture with the goats.

So I've been giving this situation some thought.  Do you suppose these people are illiterate?  Or maybe they have such a curious nature they just can't help themselves.  You know, kind of like Alice falling down the rabbit hole?  Or maybe they are non-believers convinced that all signage is created by a bourgeois Establishment in an effort to confuse the masses.  I don't know, but I'd really be willing to bet a good many of the transgressors are simply those kind of people who look at a sign and think, 'Oh!  Look at that.  A sign.  Well, that doesn't mean me.  That's for those other people.'  Yep.  I think that might just be a possibility.

Whatever the reason, I must admit it does cause one to take pause.  We'll be munching along quite contentedly and someone will look up mid-munch and remark, 'Oh.  Here comes another one.'  Then everybody gives a big sigh and rolls their eyes.  Everybody, that is, except Watson, who is sometimes standing too close to the corner of the pasture and ends up fainting.  Come to think of it, I suppose he could be rolling his eyes, too, while he's rolling down the hill.  Nevertheless, I think the goatmother ought to put up yet another sign.  One that reads something like, 'See?  Told ya' so, ya' big dummy!'  Oy.

So, in light of this, Wednesday's Words of Wisdom are this:  If you see a sign that tells you something important, be wise enough to pay attention and don't go there.  I mean, supposing the sign at the head of our road read, 'Bridge Out', or 'Beware!  Cranky Dragon', or 'Entering Roswell.  Beware of Aliens'?  Wouldn't it be prudent to trust what the sign is trying to tell you?  Oh, well, I guess "It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. -  Walter Lippmann. Or stupid, Walt.  Don't forget stupid.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Small Town Advantage

We live in a small town.  Now some folks might think that living in a small town presents nothing but a lot of disadvantages.  I suppose it is true that you may not have as large a variety of wares to choose from.  And perhaps there aren't tons of entertaining things to do.  The stores may close early, and the town may more or less fold up for the night.  

Still there are advantages.  For example, you don't have to sit in traffic jams very often, and you don't usually have to fight crowds of people.  People are generally very friendly and most always ready to help.  Why even the businesses function on this premise.  Take for example the picture you see below.

Or what about this one?

Who knew the local Dairy Queen offered 'doggie cones' at the drive-thru for free?  The goatmother and the goatfather didn't.  The people working just looked in the car, saw the Mighty Quinn and Cabra sitting in the back, and offered!  'Would your dogs like a doggie cone?'  Just like that.  See, small towns DO offer some advantages.  I'm just wondering what those workers would do if they looked in the backseat and saw a certain black and white goat sitting there.   Do you think they'd give me a Peanut Buster Parfait to go? 

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

Okay, I know it is Wednesday.  6:00 PM on Wednesday.  I'm late.  Deal with it.  Sometimes Life happens and  gets in the way of the best laid plans.  Anyway, I DO indeed have some Words of Wisdom today.  Today, the Words of Wisdom involve the seemingly innocent-looking face you see below.  You will, perchance, notice I said *seemingly*.  There is a reason for that.

You see, *if* one decides to go to breakfast at an absolutely wonderful restaurant run by a charming culinary genius who happens to have a blog here, then there are certain rules one must follow.  Foremost among these rules would be to never, and I repeat NEVER leave half of a perfectly delectable omelette (to be savored for breakfast the following day) in the car with the *seemingly* innocent owner of the face above.  If you do, you will undoubtedly be left with this:

... a substantial hole in the top of said aforementioned breakfast delight.  The second rule one must follow is to never, NEVER assume that because the goatfather is in the vehicle too,  the savored delicacy will be safe. 

Uh. Huh.

"Assumption is the mother of the screw-up." - Angelo Donghia