"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Hey, Don't Forget Me!

Well, guess what, Mr. Lah-de-dah Peanut?! I have been most graciously included on the Minter Bay Dairy Goats site as well! Just look here. See? I can be infamous too, and I go back to the ever-so-gracious Marquee and the sweetest Nubian ever born, Marty. So there!

But you know what? This thing about you and Cora Belle being brother and sister got me to thinking about something, and well, thinking is what I do best. Both you and Cora Belle have the same parents, the Houdini of Herron Hill, Hannah Belle Lecter, and the dapper and comely Captain January. Yet, you are from different years, you being older than Cora Belle. So my question is this: same parents, different 'litter'??? Now that doesn't seem right as neither one of you looks anything like a dog, unless, of course, it is a Dalmatian.

At any rate, I went in search of the answer. All I could find was a US Geological Survey (USGS) site from a Wildlife Research Center that has a list of what you call a group of ... you name it, they have it. According to them, a group of goats is called a 'tribe' or a 'trip'. I thought I was on some sort of 'trip' just reading about it because I certainly have never heard of a group of goats being called either of these things. In fact, usually it is 'Hey, you guys!', or 'Yo! You herd there!' Anyway, here is the link if you are curious. I am a little hesitant to take this information as the ultimate truth. After all this is the USGS. They only know about rocks, right? And trust me, even though our heads may be as hard as rocks, and some of us may be as dumb as rocks (Now did I specify Nubi...ah, any goats in particular?), in no way does a goat resemble a rock.

Well, all I have to say is I guess I'm going to have to spend some more time on my stump contemplating this. In the meantime, if anyone out there has the answer, well, do me a favor and let me know, will you? And, to be sure, if you see any 'tribes' of goats out there sporting feathers or 'tripping' over anything, be sure to let me know that too. Inquiring minds want to know. Besides, "
all truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." - Galileo Galilei. If not, well, then we'll just have to make something up.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

If It Wasn't Official Before...

Hey, Ho! Peanut here! Well, some of us have it and some of us don't. What can I say? I've been voted cutest kid - twice. Not that I'm conceited or anything, but I do have good genes. Why, my sister was named Grand Champion Nigerian Doeling for the whole state of Washington! My brother, Goatzilla, was on the cover of GQ magazine. My mother, Hannah Belle Lecter, will go down in the annals of goatdom for most time spent escaping into and out of anything in her path. And, of course it goes without saying, that my grandmother was none other than the inimitable Baby Belle. Like I said, good genes.

Anyway, now goatgirl, my sister Cora Belle's goatmother, has graciously included my picture on her wonderful website, Minter Bay Dairy Goats. I am so flattered. Thank you, goat girl! And if you all would like to see my picture over there, along with all the other nice goats, you can go here. I have to say, I think Auntie Marigold may be a bit jealous. Well, be careful Auntie. After all, "jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius." - Fulton J. Sheen, and that would make me the smart one, wouldn't it?

Oh, hay, I'll just go ahead and say it for her ... OY.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Humans Are Sometimes Not Very Smart

My friend Turbo says that 'humans are stoopid'. With headlines like these I must admit that Turbo may be right. Just look at this article here. To hay with the money, what about the Peanuts???? Oy.

Who Knew?

Here I am looking out at the drowning rain. It has rained a lot this year. I mean A LOT. They say it is an El Niño year. The kid? What's up with that? Well, maybe the guy who named this kind of year had to change a lot of diapers that year. I can't be sure.

Anyway, we are over our normal monthly rain total for January. I'm not really very happy about that because it means I've had to spend a lot of time in the barn with Ella. But, Good Goat! This is supposed to be the 'Banana Belt' of Washington, the 'Rain Shadow' and all that. Still I suppose we aren't getting as much rain as those poor blighters over in Seattle. I think they passed their normal monthly total a looooong time ago. I guess one should be thankful for small favors.

However the rain isn't the only thing that has gone over it's limit. Let's talk about the wind. So far in January, we've had 11 days with winds over 30 mph, 4 days with winds over 20 mph, and absolutely zero days without any wind at all. I thought it was March that was supposed to have all the wind. This makes me a little apprehensive about March. I am thinking I better tell the goatmother to batten down the Peanuts.

To be sure I've had my fill of 'weather'. This has me dreaming about tropical isles, sunshine, sand and succulent jungle greenery. Thank goatness for the internet. I can go there and see lots and lots of pictures. That being said, guess what I found? Now you just won't believe this, but take a look here. Who knew someone would name a tropical bay after me? It is just too good to be true. Marigoat Bay. I am so flattered. I must have more adoring readers than I thought. At any rate, dreaming of my bay at least helps a little. I do wonder if they have Peanuts there.

Friday, January 22, 2010

What Will Humans Think Of Next?

Well, some humans have a bit of imagination. Who knew? Check out this link to see what this marvelously talented human came up with. Although I have to say I am a bit worried about why they chose to paint the Peanuts. That simply has to affect the flavor. Ah, well, it gives me something new to worry about other than whether all this rain is going to drown out this year's Peanut crop. "That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another....” - Charlie Brown. Oy.

Friday, January 15, 2010

The Path of Peculiarity

Halooooooo! My name is Boo. I don't think Marigold painted me in a very good light in her last post. In fact, I really don't think she was painting me at all ... at least I don't remember seeing any brushes. Anyway, I felt compe ... compel .... comp ... I felt I ought to tell you ... I ought to def .. de ... I ought to stick up for myself. The Path I follow is the best. That's it. It is just The Best. It is THE Way. It is the only Way. What you see above is a page from the Ann ... the Annal ... the book telling about my ancestors. Why I come from a long line of veneerable ancestors. My line and my Path are to be hornored and not mok ... mock .. mo ... made nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah at. The goats in my line are august, and probably even september. Why they are wize and, and corpulent! I am ... I ...

Oh. Is that a Peanut?

*Editor's Note: If you have difficulty reading the page from the Annals of Peculiarity, click on it and you will get a larger image.

Other Note: ... Oy

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Anatomy of Peanutarianism

Well, my goatness gracious! It has been awhile since I last spoke with you. That would be because my muse has been on her annual vacation. This year it was Rio. Oylé.

Anyway, I thought I would tell you about one of my most revered beliefs - Peanutarianism.

You stupid goat. There is no such thing.

Oh, but I assure you there is. The exact definition would be 'the practice of subsisting on a diet composed primarily or wholly of Peanuts.' Of course, that should probably read 'HOLY' instead of 'wholly', but that's Homophonism and has nothing at all to do with Peanutarianism.

Now here at our farm, various styles exist in adherence to a Peanutarian regime. I, myself, follow the 'Form of Reckless Abandonment'. I will take a Peanut from anyone, anytime, anyplace and as many times as offered. I do follow some rules of reservation in that most of the time I refuse to pick one up off the ground. Most of the time. But let me tell you, I have honed a skill whereupon my tongue can whip those suckers right out of thin air despite being on their way to someone else's mouth. I am blinding in my alacrity. Oy vay, Mama. I am so fast I am on fire!

However, not everyone here is as devout as am I. No, indeed. Take Ella for example (if you have to). Ella stands on the hoof-trimming stand in an effort to be taller than anyone else. In her feeble mind she actually believes it will put her closer to The Source, thereby gaining her 'first rights'. Yes, Ella follows the 'Mode of First Right'. It is a mistake, however, because speed is definitely where it's at. Still, in her own inimitable way, she often manages to bully others out of receiving the goods. The problem here lies in the fact that she is waaaay too picky. Often she manages to get there first only to turn up her nose, shake her head, and refuse to take the Peanut. This I can not understand. But that's not the worst of it. Oh, no. More often than not, she will take the Peanut in her mouth, get her spit all over it so no one else could possibly want it, and then drop it on the floor. This makes the goatmother exceedingly angry, but being the kind soul that she is, she will say, "Okay, I'll give you one more chance." When the next one hits the floor, though, that's it. The goatmother is slow, but eventually even she moves on.

Now Boo follows the 'Pattern of Peculiarity', or more commonly known as, 'The Nubian Knack'. I know that sounds strange, but then so is Boo. For you see Boo must first ascertain that she is indeed being given a Peanut and that said Peanut is indeed edible. It doesn't matter how many times Boo has received a Peanut previously, each and every Peanut must be reassessed each and every time one is offered. I suppose this method might help in avoiding bad nuts, but most of the time it takes Boo so long to figure out that it isn't say, a fish, that I, with my lightening reflexes, will have procured the delicacy before she has even registered anything was there. Occasionally one makes it inside, but, being Nubian and subject to the influences of, well, just about anything, most often she will get it in her mouth and forget what it was. One will see her chomp, shake her head a few times, and then see the now-crushed remains fall to the floor. The mind is a horrible thing to lose. Of course I guess this presupposes you had one in the first place.

Anyway, that leads us to Peanut (the goat and not the nut). Being related to me, Peanut loves Peanuts. Does this make him a cannibal? I can't be sure, but I digress... Peanut ascribes to the method known as 'The Flash of Fastidiousness'. Now, don't get me wrong. He LOVES Peanuts, really he does. The problem with this method is that one simply can not allow the nut to touch one's lips. Believe me it is a highly developed skill being able to eat a Peanut without it touching your lips. But I am telling you, Peanut (the goat) can do it! It is, indeed, a wonder to behold. This method irritates the goatmother, too, since it requires her to hold the thing in front of him for some time before he can maneuver his way through the no-touch scenario. It also requires her to lock everyone else out most of the time, in order to gain time enough to accomplish said feat. Oy. In his favor, however, when thrown to him, Peanut will eat the nuts off the ground provided no one knocks him out of the way first.

So now we come to my dear Watson. One will never find a more unprincipled consumer. Yes, my dear Watson follows the 'Vogue of Vacuumism'. It is not that he has no scruples. In fact he can be quite dogmatic. For Watson will take a Peanut when no one else will. It doesn't matter to him if it harbors someone else's spit, if it has been pre-crushed (by mouth or hoof), if it is slightly soggy, if it has fallen near a goat berry, or if it has been offered in pristine condition. No, my friends, it can not be said that Watson is a purist by any stretch of the imagination. Still, there is method to his madness and, as a result, quite a few morsels are his reward. After all, someone has to get them before those stupid mice in the barn. I guess one could say that Watson is sort of the 'Mikey' of Peanutarianism. 'Give it to Watson - he'll eat anything!'

So there you have it. To each his own, I always say. "Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage." - Ralph Waldo Emerson. We, here, are nothing if not courageous. Peanut, anyone???

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Here's The Thing...

Hey, Ho! Peanut here! I am writing today because Auntie Marigold is dealing with a bad case of hoofle-tunnel syndrome as a result of recent voting efforts in the Goat of the Year contest over at Herron Hill, our old home. As you probably know, the poll ended in a tie between my lovely (albeit, sadly, too-nicely-behaved) sister, Cora Belle, and the dark goat candidate, Winne the Soprano. Granted I may not be as intelligent as my Auntie Marigold, but I would like to point out that there is just something amiss with the results of this contest.

For starters, Auntie Marigold was placing her *vote* when all of a sudden Winnie, who had been dead last, suddenly shot to over 1,000 votes. Apparently if you are a member of the Soprano family you can do this sort of magic. FM, I believe it is called (Fantastic Magic). Far be it from me to question the methods of any bona fide member of the *machine*, but really. Over 1,000 votes in the space of time it takes to make one vote?

So then, Cora Belle still managed to come within winning range once again. Now here is where I can swear there was a problem. I, myself, was placing my one vote when the vote button suddenly disappeared and I was not allowed to place my vote. The poll had apparently ended. At this time I was able to capture a screen shot of the results. as you see below:

For those of you who need glasses, I have enlarged the important part:

Well, my goodness gracious! What does this show? The voting ended with the lovely Cora Belle winning by a mere one vote! AH, HA!

All, I can say is I suppose it pays to be a member of the Soprano family (or a close paid associate thereof). Perhaps the firm of Cheatoff and Prosper was bought? Could it be? I guess we will never know. After all, I suppose it is the American way. No doubt that's how we ended up with shrubbery in the White House.

At any rate, I just want to say that we, the people (or goatles) know the truth. Remember, Winnie, crime does not pay. Eventually, someone tougher or smarter comes along and with one butt, you're back where you started. Until then, you just keep right on singing, 'I did it myyyyy waaaaay.'

CORA BELLE IS NO. 1!!!!!! But don't worry, sis. I can tell you no one EVER looks at the front of the calendar anyway.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Guess Who's Two

Happy Birthday, little girl! It's a wonder we've survived two whole years.