"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Right To Silence

Now you might remember that the goatmother and the goatfather recently celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. As a result, they went away for a couple of days. Just two. When they got back, the goatmother was putting fresh hay in my corner feeder when she happened to notice something on the floor mixed in with the hay. "What's that?", she asked. No one said anything. As a matter of fact, you could have heard a pin drop - and that's pretty hard to do on a floor covered with hay.

Here is what the goatmother found:

"Marigold ... ", says the goatmother. "What have you been up to while I was gone???"

It wasn't me! Besides, if you'll notice it says 'Coors Light'. For goats' sake! That's not EVEN beer!

"The silence often of pure innocence persuades when speaking fails." - William Shakespeare.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Let's Get Together

This isn't my normal post, but then what's normal for a goat? Anyway, today I want to tell you all a little story and ask a little favor. You see, I have a blogging buddy clear across the country in Maine. (You know that place that is like Alaska only snowier?) Well, you may remember that last July, Lisa over at Pink Porches hosted our little UnIntelligent One, the Little UnDead, and took him on the tour of his stupid little life. They went to Stephen King's house and several sites included in his books. In case you don't remember, or if you are just tuning in, so to speak, you can catch up here. Anyone who is willing to take on the Stubby and UnAnimated One has got to be a Saint in my book.

But you don't know the half of it. You see, in all the time we have been reading Lisa's blog, this is what we knew. We knew Lisa has a wonderful sense of humor and can manage to see the lighter side of most any situation. We knew Lisa lives in an old farmhouse. We knew she is an incredibly talented lady who can seemingly make wondrous things out of nothing. She can reupholster furniture, she can sew, she can even remodel with the best of them. We knew Lisa loves animals and has many, including goats. (This fact, of course, makes her a top notch person.) And, we knew that Lisa has a special needs child.

However, it is what we didn't know about Lisa that is important. We didn't know that Lisa has not one, but two special needs children. They both have a very rare metabolic condition diagnosed in only about 60 cases in the world. They reached about a six month developmental level and then stopped. And to make matters worse, these two special people are not expected to live past teen age. We didn't know that Lisa's old farmhouse has only 900 square feet, with only two bedrooms and one bathroom ( non-wheelchair accessible, by the way) to accommodate the six people living there. We didn't know that the roof leaks and the sills are rotting. And the reason we didn't know all these things is that Lisa never complains. She always manages to see the glass half full in the face of such tremendous odds - somehow. In her own words, "
I have mentioned that my boys have special needs, but I try not to focus on that. I never want my children to be defined by their disability-though it is the first thing you notice about them. ... They are amazingly sweet kids and I am blessed that someone up there thought that I had the fortitude and strength to parent them."

So now to the favor part. The boys' physical therapist has nominated Lisa's family for the Extreme Makeover Home Edition. This family really needs to be selected, and you can make a difference by sending an email to
castingbangor@gmail.com. Put, "Pick the Twomblys" in the subject line and then write a little note of support. It doesn't have to be much. Sign your name and send it off, and maybe, just maybe, by banding together, we can help some truly wonderful people who so richly deserve it. I wonder if I could bribe the judges with Peanuts. Oh, well, maybe they don't even like Peanuts, although that is really difficult to imagine.

At any rate, please take the time in your busy day to send that email, and ask people you know to do the same. Sending you all goat love and asking you to please, please, please pay it forward.

P.S. We only have until April 1st!

Oy and Out!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Happy St. Patrick's Day

It is St. Patrick's day. Help! I've nowhere to pin me shamrock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oy.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Got Rain?

In the tradition of the Mr. Kimble Weather Pattern, the sun shone for 5 minutes today - while it was still raining, of course. Since March 1, we have had 3 inches of rain. That doesn't sound like a lot unless you happen to live in the supposed 'Rainshadow' of the Olympic Mountains. Last year, we had an inch and three quarters for the entire month. What does that tell you? As a matter of fact, since the first of March this year, we've only had two days during which it didn't rain. I think some Alpine must've offended the Rain Gods. The last storm ( of 7 in a row) rolled through last night, and now the basement is flooded. Thank goodness the barn doesn't have a basement.

Anyway, it wouldn't be so bad except all that rain has been accompanied by a lot of wind, most of which has been over 30 mph. My hair is a mess and I think I'm beginning to mold.

In light of all the rain, and coupled with the recent Tsunami warning we were under, I am of the opinion this is entirely too much water. A goat has to do what a goat has to do, so I've been checking out Boogie Boards on Amazon. With 'Prime', I can have it here in two days. I figure since the pond is so full, I can practice there - if I can convince the stupid ducks to move. Oy.

The Impossible

These two people were married 25 years ago yesterday. Of course they were much younger then. Who would have thought it possible??? "Marriage is an adventure, like going to war." - G.K. Chesterton.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Oh, The Dance We Do

This is Boo. Boo is very large. No, I take that back. Boo is monumental - like Mt. Rushmore. Obviously this picture was not taken recently or Boo would be lying in a lot of mud. Plus, her collar is still pink. It is no longer pink. That's how you can tell the picture wasn't taken recently. However, Boo's size has not changed since this picture was taken. Some things never change, no matter how much you would like them too.

Anyway, the goatmother has been waiting for a break in the rain in order to trim our hooves. But the rain has been pretty much relentless. This morning, however, it was doing that thing where the sun shines for 5 minutes, and then it is cloudy and raining, and then the sun shines for 3 minutes, and then it rains while the sun is shining. You know the pattern. I call it the Mr. Kimble Weather Pattern. Remember him from that show, 'Green Acres'? "It's a nice day. Well, it's not a nice day. Then again it is pretty fair, but ... "

So, during one of the 'the sun is shining for 5 minute' breaks, the goatmother decided it was a good time to trim Boo's hooves. First of all, as you can probably imagine, one can not trim Boo's hooves on the hoof trimming stand like everyone else. The reason for this is obvious, but, in case you are on the slow side, I'll tell you. No one can get Boo onto the stand. The goatfather used to lift one end up, and then the other, but let's face it, unless you are into weight lifting, this scenario gets pretty old pretty fast.

So recently, the goatfather put a wooden holder on the door, at Boo height, so the goatmother could put a feed bucket there and distract Boo while she trimmed her hooves. Some time ago the goatmother had bought a calf sling for this purpose, but Boo is so , shall we say, comprehensive, it wouldn't fit around her without squishing vital bits. So it was decided that the distraction method might be the best alternative. Now, if you know anything about Nubians, you know that normally it is waaay easy to distract one. This is mostly because they can't remember what they were doing from one moment to the next. Boo is a Nubian, but in this regard, she is decidedly abnormal. When it comes to having her hooves trimmed, Boo simply can not be distracted - not even with food. (I know I'm surprised.) She isn't hateful about it (like some Alpines I know), she simply decides she is NOT going there. Kind of like a tree. One with MAMMOTH roots.

Anyway, the goatmother and Boo engaged in a purposeful pas de duex. I could liken it to that dude, Sisyphus, trying to roll that huge rock up the mountain. Only in this case, it might be more like trying to roll a mountain up the mountain. The goatmother did come out on top, but it certainly was not without an immeasurable amount of cunning and pure determination on her part. It is a very good thing the goatmother is as stout as she is because, if anyone ended up underneath Boo, they would certainly come out in a different shape.

So tomorrow is supposed to be partly sunny. It's my turn. I'll try to be good, but somehow I think, like Boo, I'll probably just end up falling back into my stubborn old dance. Did I mention some things never change? Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying, in the least, to compete with her. In the first place, I'm simply not capacious enough. Besides, who wants to be a copy-goat?

"I do not try to dance better than anyone else. I only try to dance better than myself." - Mikhail Baryshnikov.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Just An Observation

As you probably well know, (and if you don't, you should) we have lost the sun here in the Pacific Northwest. We, of course, keep searching, but it just doesn't seem to be anywhere. Anyway, due to this lack, we goats have naturally been spending a lot of time in the barn. As you probably well know, (and if you don't, you should) goats do not like inclement weather. It is simply NOT in our repertoire, and therefore beneath consideration. So saying, this abundance of 'down' time leaves little to do other than eat and stand around.

It was during one of these endless bouts of standing around that I began to notice something. Normally I'm not one to assess the looks of others. There are simply too many other interesting, and far more profitable, pursuits. Nonetheless, I happened to be standing about one day and noticed something peculiar about Watson. Now you are probably thinking that there is nothing new there. After all, Watson is a Fainting Goat and that is about as peculiar as one can get, right? (Except for maybe LaManchas who lost their ears somewhere and most likely spend endless hours looking for them). But, no, it was something different.

You see, any goat with proper manners procures something to eat and then politely licks its lips. It is sort of the Caprine equivalent of the napkin. A dainty pink tip, darting forward and erasing any remaining crumb. Yet, as I watched Watson, I noticed that his tongue does something entirely different. First of all, it is not dainty and pink. Secondly, it does not dart forward! It sort of lolls out the side of his mouth. He even has to turn his head sideways in order to get mineral salt from the feeder. Now what's up with that? To give you a proper visual, I can only liken it to one of those hip gangsta' types who commonly wears his baseball cap with the bill to the side instead of facing front as it should. Yes, that is quite a good analogy for Watson's tongue. (Let us just hope he doesn't decide to start wearing pants. Oy. I do not want to go there.)

Anyway, far be it from me to cast aspersions on anyone's anatomy. I mean Watson has a really nice personality, and he never tries to butt people out of the way like some Alpines I know. In addition, he never tries to get to the Peanuts first, but, instead, politely stands back until it is his turn. So really, what does it matter if his tongue is odd? Perhaps this doesn't make him peculiar at all. Rather, I might go so far as to say it makes him special.

"If you can not be a poet, be the poem." - David Carradine.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

National Symbol

Now look at this. The goatmother and goatfather went down to the local marina, in the snow mind you, and this is what they saw. Actually there were four of them. I don't get what all the excitement is about. In the first place, who in their right mind would go out in the snow? And, really, so what? It's an Eagle, our 'National symbol'. What's so great about an Eagle that it got picked to be our National symbol? Surely there were far better choices.

In my estimation, a goat would have been a much better representative of our great country. First of all, a goat has integrity, as do most of the inhabitants of this wonderful land. Well, most goats have integrity. Perhaps not Alpines. Come to think of it, not all inhabitants of our country have integrity either, so maybe it all comes out in the wash. Eventually. Well, okay. Maybe not.

Anyway, another reason why a goat would have been a better choice is that goats aren't picky. Well, most goats aren't picky. Our great country isn't picky either or we wouldn't have some of the functionaries we have. So, see? A goat would be a much better choice than some picky old Eagle who only eats fish. I mean, can you imagine an election year? "Excuse me M'am. Here is a stinky old fish. Please vote for me." Oy.

And let me tell you, goats have honor with a capital 'H'. Well, except for maybe Nubians who are mostly trying to figure out what it is and if it's edible or not. But all of us other goats have character, just like our beloved country. Believe me, there are just as many characters in the goat world as there are in the human world. Eagles? Not so much. You've see one Eagle, you've seen them all.

In addition, just as our country symbolizes things such as 'bravery', and 'freedom', so does the goat encompass these ideals. What could be more brave than one who stands in the face of constant T-boning. You never see Eagles flying sideways to avoid some other Eagle who got up on the wrong side of the barn, or happens to be an Alpine. And what could be more 'free' than allowing every one equal opportunity to the Peanuts? (Disclaimer: It can not be helped if there are those who are not as quick as others. The same opportunity is afforded all.) I know I've never seen an Eagle look over and say, 'Oh, look, there is a stinky old fish. Feel free to dive for it, if you like.'

At any rate, you can see why I believe it is a great injustice that the Eagle was chosen to be our National symbol when a goat would have been much more exceptional. The Eagle is 'adequate'. The goat is exemplary. If you ask me, some man long, long ago screwed up. Oy well. "Representation of the world, like the world itself, is the work of men; they describe it from their own point of view, which they confuse with the absolute truth." - Simone de Beauvoir.