"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Friday, June 29, 2007

The Ultimate Sin

Oy. I can put up with a lot of things, but this takes the Peanut. I can not even begin to express my outrage, my indignation, over this matter. As you can see, Ella has decided to take over my stump. My stump!!!! Can you believe it? Can you begin to comprehend the audacity this requires? MY STUMP IS SACRED, SECOND ONLY TO THE HOLY GRAIN ROOM AND PEANUTS!


Simply put, the stump is MINE.
End of discussion.

There is a Yiddish expression that is, '
A chazer bleibt a chazer'. Translated, it simply states, 'A pig remains a pig'. Need I say more? Oy.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Good News

Hey! 'Gudndreye' happened today! Oh, boy!!! The only trouble is I just feel too weak...too weak... ...fading fast... ... ... send food... ... ... ...

Monday, June 25, 2007

This Could Be My Last Post

This is what it used to look like twice a day around here. (Please disregard the fact that this isn't necessarily anyone's best side - especially Boo's). It does not look like this ANYmore. The goatmother decided that Boo wasn't the only one who had consumed a few too many Peanuts. We are all on a diet now, for goat's sake!!! A meager 2/3 of a cup of grain spread out amongst three 'mature' goats once a day. Once a day! That is ALL! Great Good God Pan!!! (You know, that guy with the goat feet?) HELLOOO! STARVING GOATS IN INDIA HERE! I feel myself growing weaker by the minute. By the time 'gudndreye' finally happens ( a second coat was recently applied) I will not have the strength to make it up on top. Things are growing dim...this could very well be my last post. Please. Send food...

Friday, June 22, 2007

The Great Depression

She painted it. That silly, goatesthetics-challenged goatmother painted the best goat toy EVER! What COULD she have been thinking?! Now we are banned from it until something called 'gudndreye' happens. When the toy is 'gudndreye' we can go back on it. Until then there is a huge prison-style fence blocking the way. Tomorrow no doubt she'll post a guard. I am SO depressed. Maybe the toy will get out for good behavior. I might even be willing to give that a try myself - the good behavior part, not the getting out. I mean what is there to get out for? After all, all the Peanuts are in here. Good behavior. That's a bit of a hard alfalfa pellet to swallow. I'll have to think about that a bit. Hmmm...within depression the seeds of desperation are born. (or is it the other way around?)

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The Best Goat Toy EVER!

Today was the day to end all days! Today the goatmother and the goatfather (well, mostly the goatfather) built something in our pen. Mind you it is "supposed" to be a shed for the new fainting goat that is coming. This could cause me to begin to actually like that guy because this 'shed' is the ultimate in goat toys! It is beyond anything. It is superb! It is like having a one-stop-shopping, complete goat agility course. I just can't begin to tell you. It is open on both ends and flat, but ever-so-slightly angled on the top (to deflect the rain, of course...making it aerodynamically excellent in my estimation).

Naturally, Ella-the-hog was first on top and thought she would keep it all to herself. However, as you can see, I was photographically captured in mid-flight above, displaying undeniable proof of my superior athletic prowess. (I am sure my ears help dramatically.) And, you can see from the position of Boo's ears that she is getting the hay out of my way, while Ella looks around in complete surprise and awe of my ability.

Shortly after this shot was taken, Ella began her harrassment. You can see her head is already starting downward into the 'butt-her-usurping-self-outta'-here' position. Sharing is NOT on Ella's 'word-of-the-day' list

But at the end of the day, when all is said and done, you see who gets the Peanuts. A goat could get to like this.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

A Lesson In Herding (Part 2)

What's this? The Might Quinn has moved up . He has graduated to carpenter ants. At 17 weeks isn't he precocious? Even if it is herding, I'm impressed!

Ahhhhhhhh!!! It's coming at him!!! Run, Quinn! Head for the barn! Snort and sound the alarm, for goat's sake!!!!

"What's that you say??? I'm what???"

"You are getting veeeeery sleeeepy......."

Uh,oh. Too late. Someone should have tried to warn him. Never, but never, stop long enough to actually listen to what the ant is saying. Oy. Think we goats are gonna' be safe for a good while longer yet.

A Lesson In Herding

Ah, the Mighty Quinn has at last graduated from herding slugs to what you see below. This is an earwig , to be exact. Being on the receiving end of all herding endeavors, I don't profess to know a great deal about the process as a whole. From what I can glean, however, here is a blow-by-blow description of what is occurring for those of you as yet unfamiliar with the 'sport'.Here we see a demonstration of the command, 'Away to me' (flank counter-clockwise around the stock).
Now the Mighty Quinn is demonstrating the initial stages of the 'Come bye' command (flank clockwise around the stock).
In this shot, we see a splendid example of the 'Walk up' (approach the stock) command.
Unfortunately, the Mighty Quinn appears to have given up in this shot. Me thinks we have a bit more work to do. Don't you just want to slap the silly grin off that earwig's face???

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Getting All Your Ducks In A Row

Quite early this morning, while awaiting our morning repast, we looked out to view what you see above. What a surprise! I don't know if I mentioned it before, but of late, a pair of ducks has been frequenting our little pond. Sometimes they would both be in the pond. Sometimes it would be just one or the other. But, every morning and every evening, like clock-work, the pair could be seen out under the bird feeders near the house, gobbling up spilled seeds cast aside by other sloppy little winged and beaked creatures. In fact, it became quite a daily challenge for the goatmother and the goatfather, to keep the Mighty Quinn from playing 'fetch the duck' instead of 'fetch the ball'. Then for awhile, we began to see only Mr. Duck or Mrs. Duck, but never both of them together. Little did we know.

So, now there are nine of these little puff balls floating about in the pond. By goaty! That is enough to start our own baseball team! They would probably have a bit of trouble with the catching and throwing part, but they'd sure enough be goat-berries-on-wheels at intercepting those high pop flies. Maybe, just maybe, we can come up with another Duckey Mantle or Rube Mallard, or even a Duckie Robinson out of the group. Of course they'll never be able to measure up to greats like Kid Nichols or Doe DiMaggio, but that only gives them something to aspire to.

Hmmm...I wonder if we can get Tommy LaSorda? With someone like 'The Goatfather' of baseball, we'll just have to make him an offer he can't refuse. I'll be in the barn counting out the Peanuts if you need me.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Dinner and a Dance

I gave up on the goatmother as a possible dance partner a looooong time ago. It just wasn't happening. She's nice and her Peanuts are good, but when it came to tripping the light fantastic, things ultimately seemed to end up stagnating in the 'tripping' pool. This didn't leave me with too many options, but after a LOT of groveling and begging (not by me) , I decided to give Boo a try. Now remember Boo is a Nubian. Of course I would be the very last one to say anything derogatory, but that fact just didn't bode well for the outcome. Still, I'm a non-prejudiced, equal-opportunity, hire-the-handicapped kind of goat, so what the hay?

The first problem is, well, a little embarrassing. Boo has had a few too many Peanuts. This does not make her light on her feet. In fact, it doesn't make her light on anyone's feet (which is probably actually where she is bound to end up). So I tried and tried to teach her the moves and how to keep pace. Let's face it. She just ain't got no rhythm. Black goats can't jump.

So when practice time comes around (which is always best at feeding time since that scenario offers the most incentive for Boo) here is what happens. The goatmother steps through the gate with the feed buckets in one hand and reaches back across the gate to latch it before proceeding. At this point what is supposed to happen is that I gracefully jump to the side and Boo is supposed to jump to the other side. We are then supposed to meet in a graceful bow, pirouette, and come to rest on opposite sides.

This is what really happens: The goatmother steps through the gate with the feed buckets in one hand and indeed reaches back across the gate to latch it. I gracefully jump to the side preparing to move smoothly and gracefully ahead. At this point, Boo, forgetting all decorum and overtaken by glutinous fervor, runs head-first into the back of the goatmother, butting her forward directly into the path of my, by then, pirouette, at which time Ella gets into the act and hits the goatmother head-long from the other side. Boo then waddles quickly (if one can indeed waddle quickly) in a large circle across the back half of the barn, clomping loudly and ungracefully over the wooden pallet, and intercepts the flying goatmother knocking her into yet a third flying-camel. The goatmother recovers, all the while spewing epithets and casting aspersions on Boo's character, finally making it to the rail to deposit the buckets.

Something tells me I have a LOT more work to do here. I believe Boo, in true Nubian style, has things a bit confused. We are attempting Ball Room dancing, not Ball Room brawling, for Goat's Sake! They say that if you have a dream you must reach for the stars. At this rate those 'stars' (Dancing With the Stars) are just getting further and further out of reach. Where is John Travolta when you need him, Eh?

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Power To The People...I Mean Goats!

No explanation necessary. We are working for YOU!