"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
"Oy. My cover is blown."
"What were these people thinking???"
"Who are you and what have you done with my friend???"
"Ah, ha!!! We are on to you now! The antennae! I see the antennae!!!!! They're pink??!!! Who knew?"
"Oy. Where, oh where, has my little dog gone?"
"It acts like Cabra. It hoards all the chew bones just like Cabra. What masterful pretense!"
At least the rear antenna was left alone so E.T. can still phone home.
"The whole phenomena is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a government agenda." - Fox Mulder, The X-Files.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Proceeding up the road, we came upon yet another of the bizarre, circular phenomena. To his credit, Watson Mulder approached without fainting. Of course I required that he go first, since I am the one in command. The 'brains' of an operation must remain operational in case plans for further action are required. Nonetheless, neither Watson, nor myself, could find any logical, scientific explanation.
Next we investigated the pasture where a clear-cut, spherical indentation could be seen in the grass. Here, we were assisted by Agent Cabra, tail radar alert and running at full capacity as the abnormality was approached. Yes. It was a 'crop circle' in the truest sense.
The agent stands, perplexed by the marvel at hand.
I, myself, am skeptical that these occurrences can be attributed to an alien origin. Watson Mulder, however, is of a different mind. He sees the incidents as the work of some other-worldly force. Some goat-like creature, greenish in color with white spots and walking on hind legs only. Possibly it possesses several huge horns and a six-foot long beard done in an intricate French-braid. I must admit that it is a possibility. However, if this is indeed the truth, I am sure it is being covered up by some sinister organization in hopes of keeping us ignorant of the truth. The organization is most likely controlled by a diabolical and corrupt Peanut-hoarding cartel. At any rate, I feel further investigation is a necessity. The truth is out there. TRUST NO ONE.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
So that was that. Or so we thought. It started out innocently enough. Ella pawing at the dirt near the old Douglas fir out in the pasture. Then Peanut got interested. I know, the 'beautiful' leading the 'buttiful'...
However, soon Ella's machinations began to bear fruit, and a new 'hole' began to emerge. Only this hole had aspirations of a much grander scale. Then Boo got interested. Now we add sheer mass to the equation.
Ella began to dig in earnest, spelled by Peanut and occasionally Boo. Watson could never really get the hang of things. He wasn't very helpful since every time he tried, something froze. He was really good at watching though.
Finally I couldn't stand it any more. I simply had to see what the fascination was. Each time before, Ella's plan had been to actually get somewhere. But where was she going this time? China???
Oy. I don't get it really, but I'm sure not going to let some little not-so-frou-frou dog or some long-legged pushy Alpine get all the glory here. There is philosophical meaning attached to the making of any HOLE, leading us to believe that there is a certain wisdom inherent in the act of digging. After all, an age-old Chinese proverb says, "Only he that has traveled the road knows where the holes are deep." And I, grasshopper, know where there is a very deep one.
Friday, August 8, 2008
The bush was turning yellow. The goatmother gave it water.
Someone thought it would be nice to help. After all, the ground was hard and dry, and the water was simply running off down the hill.
"I am a good helper."
"What's this? I guess the hole isn't quite deep enough to hold the water so it can soak in - down to the roots. It isn't reaching the roots."
"Ah. That's better. But what do I do about this black stuff now? No matter. I have helped. I am good."
I am extremely thankful I am a goat and have absolutely no interest in helping. I don't really think the goatmother knows how to appreciate it anyway.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Ode To A Snake
Though you slithered instead of walked,
You never butted, stole grain or mocked.
Your eyes were beady and cold as stone,
But you always left the Peanuts alone.
You had no horns, no beard and such.
And though so odd, we learned so much.
Though someone’s different and not like me,
And if the outside’s all you see,
You just may miss the gold they hide.
Don’t judge the shell – see what’s inside.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
I had occasion to ponder the tale of the snake. It was a mystery, and obviously Marigold wasn't making any attempt to solve it. So, I began to reflect upon the facts at hand. First of all, why would a snake be interested in digging? Then, why would a snake even consider hanging out with a human? After deep ratiocination, considering every angle, I was able to shed light on the enigma. Really it was as plain as the grass is green. Obviously the goatmother is a parselmouth. "Good old Watson! You are the one fixed point in a changing age." (Sherlock Holmes, His Last Bow)
Friday, August 1, 2008
Anyhow, yesterday the goatmother was out working in her flower/herb garden. She was busy moving some plants that didn't like it very well down by the pond. As she stepped over to the spot she had decided to transplant the unhappy vegetation into, a garter snake startled her. She, naturally, yelled and began waving her arms telling the snake to go on about its business - elsewhere. The goatfather told her the snake was beneficial. Of course the goatmother already knew that, but contended that the snake could just go about being beneficial somewhere else. Now the odd thing was, the snake didn't 'shoosh' as it should have. This snake decided it actually liked the goatmother, so it proceeded to turn around, push the upper part of its body slighty under some grass, and stick its head up to watch. Now you are probably thinking this is not really odd behavior, until I tell you that the goatmother could have reached out and touched this snake. It was that close. So, the goatmother shrugged and continued to dig her holes and replant her plants. After a long while the snake got tired and, without further ado, slithered away. Most likely digging seems pretty tiresome to a snake. Nonetheless, one can't help but wonder what he was thinking. Perhaps he was merely considering this: "Through the years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt." - Jack Nicklaus
I have to suspect a snake would tend to look at things that way.