"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

Wow.  Wednesday Words of Wisdom that are actually on Wednesday.  Who'da thunk?  Ahem.

Anyway, I am so tired today.  Why am I tired?  Well, all day yesterday I watched the goatmother paint.  That's pretty tiring stuff.  It takes a lot out of a goat having to watch all that back and forth, and back and forth, and up and down the ladder.  Not to mention having to help out by baaing appropriate encouragement, and holding your tongue just right during the tedious bits (ever watch someone feeding a baby?).

So today I feel pretty old.  Oy.  Too much activity and not enough Peanuts to sustain me.  Doesn't seem to bother Ella or the boys, and Boo, well, no need to even go there.  So Wednesday's Words of Wisdom are this:  Age, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.  Plus, it often takes little vacations -  to your knees, your shoulders, your back, your feet ...

"Age is not measured by years. Nature does not equally distribute energy. Some people are born old and tired while others are going strong at seventy." - Dorothy Thompson. 

Monday, August 29, 2011

Saving the Day

The Mighty Quinn was biting at his foot.  Now what could be the problem??   Well, let me back up a bit.  You see, the Mighty Quinn  is a herding dog.  Therefore, he chases things.  He used to chase goats, but our blessed little Peanut (the goat, not the nut) took care of that early on.  So now, the Mighty Quinn confines his skills to the herding of things like Frisbees, balls, squirrels, the goatmother, and yes, poop.  Oh, my.  Does that seem to put the goatmother into the same category with the poop?  Well, O.O.P.S.  Forgive me all to hay.  I never intended for that to happen.

Anyway, the goatmother has taken to 'being civilized', as she calls it.  This means that often, in the late afternoon, tea will be served on the front deck.  I believe she is a frustrated anglophile, but what do I know?  I'm just an AMERICAN goat.  But, the Mighty Quinn always sees this as the perfect opportunity.  You see the goatfather is still, and not doing ANYTHING else.  That means he is quite available for throwing things. The only other time this might occur is when the goatfather is on the toilette, but surely even the Mighty Quinn wouldn't be tasteless enough to take advantage of that.

So, often in the afternoon, the goatmother and the goatfather act civilized, having tea and whatnot, the Cabrarator stalks any squirrels who dare to venture down the birch trees, and the Mighty Quinn chases the Frisbee. Of course this is very hard work because, let's face it, those Frisbees are tricksy.  So after awhile, with tongue hanging almost to the ground, the Mighty Quinn takes a rest under the huge Grand Fir tree in the front yard.  BIG MISTAKE.  Why, you ask?  That would be because fir trees exude a sticky resin that people call 'pitch'.  It smells very aromatic and 'piney', but let me tell you, if you get that stuff in your fur, well, your kinda' up the proverbial Peanut creek without a digger-inverter. (No kidding.  Just look up about how they harvest Peanuts if you don't believe me!)

So, this morning the goatmother happened to notice that the Mighty Quinn was licking excessively at one of his hind feet.  Lo and baahold!, the Mighty Quinn had a massive amount of fir pitch embedded between the pads of his foot and even a stick! Ouch.  The goatmother tried, in vain, to clip it out, but it was so very close to the skin that she was having a terrible time - even after enlisting the help of the goatfather.  After much struggling, some VERY careful clipping, and some colorful language thrown in for effect, the goatmother finally called the vet's office.  Would you believe they were not only familiar with the problem (this is the Pacific Northwest, after all), but they had a solution!?  The lady told the goatmother if she would rub shortening into the pitch, it would dissolve and loosen.  Skeptical, the goatmother tried it, and Wow!  It actually WORKED!!!!  A miracle of miracles!  If the pitch had stayed as it was, it would have eventually tightened enough to tear the Mighty Quinn's flesh.  However, the shortening, made (pardon the pun) short work of the situation. 
So, my friends, if you have someone who gets into any kind of sticky pitch (DISCLAIMER - 'sticky' applies ONLY to actual physical situations, and not those merely construed to be 'sticky'.) - pine, fir, or what have you, remember this little remedy.  You won't be sorry.  It probably even works on goats!

"For every mountain there is a miracle."  - Robert H. Schuller.  Even if it is a mountain of pitch!

Friday, August 26, 2011

At the End of the Rainbow ...

... is a new roof.  No kidding.  See?

I hope it isn't too dark to see, but the rainbow does indeed end on the roof.  See all those lovely blue bundles of shingles up there?  And that repugnant color on the roof - sort of a yucky reddish brown?

So, you've no doubt been wondering where I have been and why there wasn't even a Wednesday Words of Wisdom this week.  Well, my friends, it all has to do with the roof.  You see, it started back this last winter with all the rain.  The roof didn't take anymore kindly to it than we did, and so it decided to leak.  Once the weather cleared up, finally, the goatfather and one of the goatneighbors decided to put on a new one - roof that is.  This was no small project, and let me tell you, it took awhile.

When it first began, we, down here at the barn, had to endure ceaseless bouts of snorting from Boo.  You may recall that Boo is full Nubian, and Nubians just don't do *new*.  So you can well imagine what transpired when, all of a sudden, two very out-of-the-ordinary figures appeared atop the roof of the house and just wouldn't go away.  Sigh.  Yes, we all have our crosses to bear.

Anyway, there were lots of interesting things that went along with the new roof.  For example, the goatfather and the goatneighbor had to replace A LOT of the roof boards because the ex-Marine that built the house only thought he knew what he was doing.  One entire half was actually put on upside down and many places had absolutely no support.  In retrospect, I suppose it is a wonder it didn't do more than just leak.  Come to think of it, do you suppose they accept Nubians into the Marine Corps?  Anything is possible.

However, somebody must've thought replacing the roof was a good idea because not only did the rainbow fall on the new roof, but two rainbows actually appeared!  I hope you can see them in this picture.

The Gods were smiling on us because first there were two, and then there was one that was one of the most intense we have ever seen.

Of course the rainbows were at the beginning of the project and I suspect it was to throw everyone off guard so they wouldn't just throw up their hands and quit when they found out how much of an adventure it was really going to be.  Life is like that sometimes.  At one point, the goatfather and the goatneighbor lifted one of the soon-to-be-replaced roof sections and woke up a bat.  I always knew the goatmother had bats in her belfry.  Given her history (see here), there really shouldn't have been any doubt.  And then there was the dessicated squirrel.  Although, he was actually found under the roof boards of the 'doggie house', so maybe I can't honestly say the goatmother is squirrely too.

But, the real disaster with the whole roofing project came after the actual house roof was finished and the 'doggie house' remained.  You see, the first people that lived here (remember 'The Halls of Montezuma'?), also built a kennel because they raised Golden Retrievers.  Now, why anyone would want to raise dogs instead of goats, I can't say, but there you have it, and now the goatmother uses it as a potting shed.  The problem was that this is where the satellite antenna for the computer sits.  So, when the goatfather and the goatneighbor replaced that roof, guess what happened? And THAT should have been Wednesday's Words of Wisdom - never, Never, NEVER, muck about with the antenna if you want to have computer service.  However,  I could not actually write that, let alone launch it into cyberspace, so I do hope it isn't too late and you haven't already unknowingly mucked about with yours.

Anyway, when all was said and done, I think it turned out pretty nice.  I know the view from the barn is much better.  What do you think?

There is still some painting to be done and some siding to be put around the chimney, but all things in good time, right?

So that's where I've been.  I have to say that we did find that we have lots more time in our day when we don't have computer service. Boring, mind you, but time nonetheless.  The goatmother is still behind and may never be caught up.  As for me, I'm caught up, unless you count eating Peanuts, and then it is virtually impossible to be caught up.  Well, I suppose it might be, but I for one, never want to find out if it is.  At any rate, I have plans to tell you lots more stuff.  So as they say ...

Bee right back!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

Always be on time.  Always.  Okay.  Maybe you can't always be on time.  Sometimes things, like eating hay,  for example, get in the way.  Or Peanuts.  Peanuts always get in the way of many things.  Always.  Okay, well, always try to be on time.
"Old Time, in whose banks we deposit our notes
Is a miser who always wants guineas for groats;
He keeps all his customers still in arrears
By lending them minutes and charging them years."
~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

Long ago, in land far, far away,  in a quaint little rental house, lived a goatmother.  Okay, maybe she wasn't a goatmother back then, but that is irrelevant.  Anyway, in this quaint little house was a quaint little bathroom with a shelf over the tub.  Now the quaint little house didn't have a lot of storage, so one was required to take advantage of any space available.  One day the future goatmother took a bath in the quaint little tub.  When she  finished, the goatmother, who was really quite blind without her glasses even back then, reached up for the can of spray deodorant.   She applied it liberally,  finding as she returned the can to the shelf, that it read WD-40.

Now, then.  Years prior to this event, the cleanser 'Comet' came on the market.  The goatmother's aunt, reading of the product's wondrous cleaning abilities, decided it would be just the thing to get that smile really bright!.  She tried it.  Let us just say, the results were less than expected.   Or more, depending on how you look at it, but the goatmother's aunt was too embarrassed to go to the doctor and tell him what she had done.  It did actually turn out all right.  Eventually.

So by now you are thinking, what do these two, seemingly unrelated stories, have to do with anything.  There is certainly nothing 'wise' in them.  But here, my friends, you would be wrong, because these two stories lead me to today's invaluable words of wisdom:  Due caution is advised when dealing with anyone even remotely related to the goatmother's gene pool.  'Runs with scissors' comes to mind.  Oy.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

I am currently so far behind that I am saying hello to my tail.  That is pretty hard to do.  Come to think of it, I am not at all sure it is my tail.  It could be someone else's tail.  Or if it is really Boo, it might actually be her head.  One can not always be sure.  Anyway, all I know is the hurrier I go, the behinder I getNothing very wise in that, but it sure explains a lot.  Oy.