"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween all y'all. I recently learned that is the plural of y'all, so I thought I'd give it a try. What do you think? Kinda' spooky, huh? Well, anyway, here's hoping you have a BOOtiful day and an even more PHANTOMtastic night! Oh, by the way... watch out for the mini-mes. (Oy and udder... I mean shudder...)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Trick Or Treat?

They say be careful what you wish for. So, when the goatmother started this whole needle felting thing, and I offhandedly remarked that I was holding out for a fuzzy rendition of myself...well...I really didn't believe I had anything to worry about. After all I never got that crocheted coat. But, of course, as things go, and when Murphy is thrown into the mix, not to mention the absolute spookiest time of the year, well, really scary things can happen.

Meet the dread MiniMe, ace, all-around clone and number one tiny Peanut pirate.

Eeeeeeek! And Oy. There simply has to be some mistake. This is absolutely not what I had in mind.

The left ...

The right...

Even the bum! Scaaarry, I tell you.

So, my friends, be very careful what you wish for this Halloween ...
... because you just might get it! Or worse, something entirely beyond the imagination.

"You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension - a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into" ... the Oylight Zone.


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Witch

She's at it again. This is madness, MADness, MADNESS, I say... A monster has been unleashed. Oy.

Shut up, Marigold. Leave me alone. Go eat some Peanuts why don't you?

Monday, October 19, 2009

Now Here's Something Really Spooky...

Oy. She's at it again. The goatmother has taken another class. This time she learned to do needle felting and she made what you see below.

I know. Disgusting, isn't it? I mean you would think she could have at least done a goat. But, NO. She had to do a spotty horse. Oy.

And you can see from the ridiculous smirk on its face that it has absolutely no brain. I think it is a Nubian horse. That's what I think. Anyway, at least it won't eat too many Peanuts.

Still, I guess it has some merit. It is kind of cute in a Bohemian sort of way. But, you know, now the goatmother has some totally absurd idea that she can figure out how to make something out of that big bag of cashmere she's been collecting from us for two years. Oy. A goat can't even grow a winter coat in peace anymore. I say if she wants to use the hair she needs to be coughing up something extra...like say some three-to-a-shell Peanuts for example.

At any rate, I thought I'd post something really artistic just so the goatmother doesn't get to thinking she's all that and a bag of Peanuts - a Pacific Northwest sunset. Now that's art. Still, on the felt front, I'm holding out for a fuzzy rendition of me. I'll just be practicing my posing. Perhaps she'll do me on my stump. Hey, it could happen...

P.S. Hey, Jane. See the Corian???

Thursday, October 15, 2009

A *Star* Is Born

There are two kinds of people in this world - those who know and consequently understand, and those who haven't got a clue. I suspect the goatmother belongs in category two. Why is this, you ask?

Well, you see, the other day was hoof trimming day. Of course you realize this is my least favorite day. In fact, I might go so far as to say it is the most hated day for all us. Naturally I can not include Ella in this since the brown-noser always has to impress the goatmother. Nor, I guess, can I honestly include Watson or Peanut since they could really care less what anyone does as long as there is food involved. Okay, well, I guess I have to admit that leaves only Boo and myself. Hey, what can I say? You gotta' leave the best for last, right?

At any rate, what with the influence of Halloween coming and the Little UnDead guy, I figured this month I'd surprise the goatmother. What?! You think I decided to act with some amount of decorum? Not on your ever-lovin' life! No, this time, I decided to sport a little flair...a little panache. Yes, indeed, I decided to go goth.

So when the goatmother picked up my foot, nippers in hand, and found what you see below, I can only say I was mortified to find just how much of a Nubian that woman is.

Okay, well, I wasn't going for the whole nose-ring thing. I'll leave that to those dumb cows. And let's face it, a tongue stud would only interfere with the consumption of my beloved Peanuts. But a stud in the hoof? Now that was the way to go. A piercing like no other. Something to make me stand out from the crowd.

But when the goatmother picked up my hoof and realized there was a star staring back at her, all she could say was, "Marigold! Where did you get this??? I just can't figure this out. Where could this have come from? I've never even seen a tack in the shape of a star, let alone left one around for you to step on!"

Sheesh, woman! Have you NEVER heard of QVC?????????????

Monday, October 12, 2009

He's Baa-aack...

Well, after the unfortunate side trip to the Forks hospital, our Little Bereft-Of-Life did indeed go on to finish his tour. Naturally he had to make a stop at the Forks High School because this, of course, is where Edward and Bella went to school. Can you see him down below the sign?

Perhaps you can see him a little better in this artful shot. Oy.

At any rate, the last stop was to see Bella's truck parked at the Forks Chamber of Commerce. As you can see, the Cadaverous-And-Uncouth had to stand back for the picture until someone was kind enough to remove the fragrant garland so nicely adorning the grill.

But then, the Little Liquidated-And-Ludicrous-One's heart of hearts desire was fulfilled when he was, at last, able to pose with the truck. See him there by the license plate?

All too quickly, however, the fun was over and the Little Stiff-And-Stupefied was on his way back home. Fortunately, there were signs to point him in the right direction.

Really glad to have you back Little Cold-And-Clueless. That was quite an adventure for such an abbreviated little fellow.

But, uhm, I think you stood way too close to that garlic. And STOP calling me MariBella already! Oy.

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Little UnDead Does Twilight (Part 2)

No doubt you've all been waiting with bated breath for an update on The Little UnDead's sojourn to Forks. So get comfortable, pull up a chair and grab some Peanuts because here is Part 2.

After spending his first night hanging (literally) in a tree, The Little Undead started out for the Swan house. This, of course, is where Bella Swan lived with Charlie, her father and Police Chief of Forks, in 'Twilight'. You will, perhaps, notice that stupid disembodied arm is still around. Oy. I am given to understand his name is Stanley. One just never knows who one might stumble across on the road to Perdition...

Anyway, then it was on to the Cullen house! You know The Little Life-Challenged had a really hard time containing himself here. Team Edward and all that. So here you see him in front of the house with 'Stanley'. You don't see him???

Well, he is kind of short. Is this better??? Yep. There his is...hiding in the bushes like a real vampire.

So with the Cullen house behind him, the Little Dead-and-Dazed stopped by the Forks City Hall. This, of course, is where Charlie Swan was employed. If you look closely, you will see our Little Embicilic-and-Expired atop the sign. Still having trouble???

What about now??? Is this better??? Now, as you can see (I hope), this was quite a height for someone as altitudinally-challenged as our Little Half-Baked One. Which is how he ended up at his last point of interest for the day.

You see our Little Lifeless Lackluster fell off the Forks City Hall sign, leading him here...
I'd think one could expect a little more from someone who can fly, wouldn't you? Oy, boy.

Oh, well. There is an old Chinese proverb that says, "Only he that has traveled the road knows where the holes are deep." I think that about covers it.

Monday, October 5, 2009

The Little Undead Does 'Twilight' (Part 1)

Well, we heard from The Little UnDead. After departing our humble farm, he flew into Forks...literally. Sadly, just after taking the picture below, The Little Ignoramus had a narrow escape with the logging truck you see coming. He didn't... see it that is. Oy. Never, never snap and drive, Little UnDead Dude. Dangerous practice that.

Anyway, if that weren't bad enough, The Little Obtuse One didn't even manage to get a picture of the 'Welcome To Forks' sign. Why, you ask? Well, let's just say when you fly with your eyes closed you tend to miss a few things - like very large signs looming in your path. So, it would seem the camera he was carrying 'bit the dust' in the encounter. Get it? Dead guy? Bit the dust? ...ahem... Okay, well, all I have to say is thank goodness for those wonderful disposable jobs. If you ask me, whoever invented those definitely knew someone like The Little UnMindful.

So back to the story. After the mishap with the 'Welcome To Forks' sign, our cute Little Philistine headed for some place to buy a new camera. What better place than the Forks Outfitters ( reported place of employment of Bella Swan, non-dead heroine). I have to tell you he was pretty darned excited. I can't say to whom the incorporeal arm belongs, but no doubt it was to some other 'Team Edward' zealot. Plus, The Little UnWitting probably needed the support to contain his fervor. At any rate, I doubt the arm remembers the event even if the whole mesmerizing thing didn't work - or at least no one would admit to it if they did. Would you?

Now then, by the time a new camera was obtained, and all was said and done, the day was pretty much spent. So, our rascally Little Moron decided to look for a place to spend the night. Naturally when he saw the sign below he was dead (Ha! 'dead'...I slay me...) set against staying there. No doubt it was run by some 'Team Jacob' devotee anyway.

In the end, The Undead wound up hanging out in a tree for the night. Again, quite literally. No one seemed to mind - or even notice for that matter. Thus the first day of the Twilight Trek came to a close. I suppose we should hope that the next installment is a little less fraught with catastrophe, and we must most certainly hope that The Little UnIntellectual comes back to us in one green piece. After all," "Remember what Bilbo used to say: "It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." " - J. R. R. Tolkien.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

And Now For Something Completely Different...

Ah, yes. It is finally October - my favorite time of the year. You might remember that last year, about this time, I began a series of posts about 'spooky' things. Well, I see absolutely no reason to change tradition. This year, however , I would like to present something a bit divergent from the past. For this year, I would like to introduce you to my friend (who is about as divergent as they come). You see, folks, this is someone who has been with us for quite awhile. In fact, he has been living (or maybe not so much) with the goatmother for a number of years prior even to the appearance of we goats. Below is a picture of my friend.

Allow me to introduce to you, The Little Undead. You are, perhaps, wondering why he is pictured here amongst the Stinging Nettles. It is quite a long story, but suffice it to say that his personality is such that people (even goats) often become perturbed with his behavior, at which point he is promptly tossed (or butted) into the Nettles. It seems to help him gain a certain grasp on reality.

Anyway, some of you may realize that our farm is quite close to the town of Forks, featured in the book 'Twilight'. And, knowing that, you would, of course, also know that 'Twilight' is the story of a girl (Bella Swan) who falls hopelessly in love with a vampire (Edward Cullen). Not really my idea of true love (that would have to involve Peanuts), but you must understand that The Little Undead is more than a little taken with the book. As a matter of fact, the word 'obsessed' comes to mind...or would it be 'possessed'?

At any rate, my friend has decided to take a trip (Well, maybe 'pilgrimage' is a better word.) to none other than Forks.

"That's a really long way for such a short guy, Little Undead."

"I don't care. I can make it. I can mesmerize people into giving me rides if I get tired of the whole 'bat' thing."

"All-rightey then. Ahem."

"Okay, young green one. Go forth, then, to Forks. Seek the Holy Grail of Vampiredom. What is the Holy Grail of Vampiredom anyway??? Go forth, promoting 'Team Edward' unto all who deign to harken unto your words."

So I straightened his bow tie...

... gave him a kiss for luck, and sent him up the road. So stay tuned, my friends, for in the days to come we shall come to know just what The Little Undead encountered on his journey to the mecca.