"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Friday, December 18, 2009

Oy To The World

For unto me an idea is born. Yes, it occurred to me that this time of year presents a special opportunity to philosophize. I, being very adept at such musings, have decided to seize the moment and present you with some of my thoughts for the season.

First of all, what is with all the singing anyway? Why is it this time of year everyone goes around singing or humming Christmas music? I'm telling you, if I hear Boo humming 'Away in a Manger' one more time when the goatmother brings out the hay, I am just going to haul off and butt her one. Food should be savored in silence (with the exception of yummy noises) no matter the time of year. It has been that way for centuries. Really.

Secondly, what is with all this decking of the halls? I mean Thanksgiving came and went and the next thing you know the goatmother is out here trying to put up holly in the barn. "It's festive!', she says. Oy. No one in their right mind would try to eat that stuff. It has stickers on it for goat's sake.

Then you have this thing where Ella keeps perking up her ears and asking, 'Do you hear what I hear?' For baaing out loud. Every time she does this Watson becomes alarmed thinking something is coming after him and nearly faints. Naturally she thinks this is just way too funny and immediately starts plotting the next time she can spring it on him. I would like to suggest to Ella that she become familiar with the story of the goat who cried wolf.

Then you have Peanut who keeps jumping atop my stump and shouting 'Go tell it on the mountain!' Go tell what? That you have violated someone else's sacred thinking space? I'll go and tell you to get the hay off my stump!!! I don't lend my stump to anyone, even if they were voted cutest kid - twice.

Anyway, by now you are probably expecting me to say 'Bah! Humbug!', but I assure you I do have some Christmas spirit. Stop with the 'You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch', already. Why, every Christmas eve at midnight, when all the animals in the barn are supposed to speak, I remain devoutly silent waiting for the arrival of St. Magnus Peanutos. What? You've never heard of 'Silent Night'? Well, just in case you have forgotten who St. Magnus Peanutos is, you can refresh your memory here. ) My friends, I am sincere just like Linus' pumpkin patch. Three-to-a-shell Peanuts shall be my reward.
And when they come, you can bet your sweet Peanut-tooty you'll be hearing the 'Hallelujah! Chorus'!


Kelly said...

Oy back at ya. Keep the Christmas spirit alive and well. Much love.

H.A. Turbofire, Sibertarian said...

It is unfortunate to have to deal with the stupidity of others during the holiday season. But you and I must make the best of it.

Peanut greetings to you!