"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Monday, February 18, 2013

What Do You Do ...?

... when you don't have anything to say?  What?!  Marigold with nothing to say?  That isn't possible, is it?  Well, I suppose it is.  On occasion.  I've been really busy.  Eating.  And searching for Peanuts.  Well, maybe waiting for Peanuts is a more apt description.  And pondering.  I've been pondering a lot.  Mostly about what to say.

Anyway, the Goatmother and Goatfather recently went out for Chinese food and did not invite me.  However, it got me to thinking about Fortune Cookies.  I'm not sure why.  Perhaps because I'm bored, but anyway, that is what I was thinking about.  And then I began to think wouldn't it be wonderful if you got fortunes in Peanuts?  I mean just think of it.  Crack open that shell and there it is!  A recipe for life.  Or not.  Might depend on whether you eat the Peanut shell and all, but I'm just pointing out that the possibility is there.

'So what kind of fortunes would be good?', I thought to myself.  And myself answered, 'Well things that are relevant to goats, of course, you ninny.'  (Myself tends to get out of line sometimes and I am forced to butt it back into shape.)  So anyway,  first I thought it would be a really good idea to put in a few fortunes that Alpines might find relevant.  These, naturally, would be put into the smallest Peanuts.  This isn't because I'm stingy.  Really.  It is just that Alpines tend to subscribe to the Wal-Mart Principle - quantity instead of quality, and gain by volume.  So here are a few I thought might be good:

1)  Something you lost will soon turn up.  Or not, since if you lost it, I will have found it by now.
2)  Be mischievous and you will not be lonesome.  Instead you will be left completely alone.
3)  Don't ask, don't say.  Everything lies in silence.  So be quiet.
4)  Fame, riches and romance are yours for the asking.  But not Peanuts.  They are for the rest of us.
5)  A friend is a present you give yourself.  So give yourself to yourself and leave the rest of us alone for a change.

And then I thought it might be nice to include a few fortunes the Nubians could benefit from:

1)  You will soon remember who you are and what you were doing.  Maybe.
2)  It takes more than good memory to have good memories.  Either way you are in trouble.
3)  Intelligence is the door to freedom and alert attention is the mother of intelligence.  I am so sorry for your loss.
4)  You will not be alarmed by hats.
5)  When you look down, all you see is dirt, so keep looking up.  But not too far up or you will fall down.

Then there should be at least a few fortunes included for the rest of us.  Things like:

1)  You will have unexpected great good luck.  All the Peanuts will come to you.
2)  There is a true and sincere friendship between you and your friends.  One which causes them to want to give all their Peanuts to you.
3)  Your everlasting patience will be rewarded sooner or later.  You bet your sweet bippy it will.
4)  Something you lost will soon turn up.  Probably that Peanut that fell as a result of the Alpine Picky Snit that has somehow managed to remain spit free and clean.
5)  As the Peanut Jar is emptied, the heart is filled.  And so is the stomach.

Oy So, Grasshopper.


Millie said...

I do think this is a great plan!

Marigold said...

Dear Millie,
Me too. But will anyone listen to a goat?

Candy C. said...

The Nubian fortunes cracked me up! :)
My Madeline and Nike would never know there was a fortune in their peanut, especially Nike...she INHALES them so quickly that I'm afraid sometimes that she's going to choke on one!

Marigold said...

Dear Candy,
You goat is not inhaling the Peanuts. It is an illusion. He or she is merely savoring its delectability quickly. Really quickly.

Snowcatcher said...

"Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanuts."

"If you can't control your peanuts, you can't expect to control your life."

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanuts quite like unrequited love."

"No goat in the world has more courage than the goat who can stop after eating one peanut."

"If you don't mind smelling like peanut butter for two or three days, peanut butter is darn good shaving cream."

Sorry about that last one. I couldn't stop myself.

Marigold said...

Dear SnowCatcher,
Can the Lizard attest to that last one? I knew I liked that man. :)

Mrs. Micawber said...

(Funny, I was just writing a post about how I had nothing much to say ... it turned out rather dreary so I didn't publish it.)

Dear Marigold - shouldn't you be calling yourself "nanny" instead of "ninny"? :)

Nanny or ninny, your fortunes are hilarious. (Also Snowcatcher's.) Much better than the "fortunes" that appear in cookies nowadays, which always seem to be boring and don't predict anything fun. In fact they don't predict at all. (Perhaps they should be called "aphorism cookies" instead.)

Confucius say: Goat who stand on stump gain high intelligence and respect.

Marigold said...

Dear Mrs. Micawber,
I do not allow myself to call myself
Nanny. It is a principle thing...I tell myself it is politically incorrect. Sometimes myself listens, though not often. 'Aphorism Cookies'. I like it. :) Do you have a stump?

Claire MW said...

Dear Marigold,

Fezzik and Lucky Nickel are complaining bitterly about the lack of angora/pygora related fortunes. Caramel is a LaMancha and feels likewise slighted. Please consider continuing your fortune series to be expanded upon, because we feel you are up to the task. Boers would certainly agree, even though we haven't any here.

Marigold said...

Dear Claire,
Hmmm....I shall have to take that under advisement. :)

Claire MW said...

Dear Marigold,
We are sorry to have caused the Goatmother a fit of pique over the price of our hay. Rest assured that she is welcome to come and have countless mouthfuls of our bale any time she likes. ;-)
We could even offer her some peanuts.
Claire & Fezzik xo

Marigold said...

Dear Claire,
You are too kind...and much too far away. :)

Willow said...

Oh Marigold you are a funny ole goat and I mean that in the nicest of ways...I will be back to see more of what you have to say :)

Willow said...

Marigold you are funny goat ... I think I should follow you and continue to chuckle!

Marigold said...

Dear Willow,
Wait! I'm not the old goat, that would be the Goatmother. Oy. Did I just say that? Shhhhh... Don't tell her. :)

Marigold said...

Dear Willow,
Please do! :)

goatfarmer said...

I have some too, they are very deep, for deep thinkers only.

1. Be Wary of the Land Whales.
2. The Fortune You Seek is in another peanut.
3. Be the Peanut.
(not you, Peanut.)
4. If You Want a Peanut, Plant a Peanut Tree.
(not you, Peanut).
5. The stump was once a tree. The tree was once a river. The river was once a peanut. Ommm.

Ok, thank you.

Marigold said...

Dear Goatfarmer,
Millie! Is that you?! I know it is you disguised as the Goatfarmer because I know the Goatfarmer couldn't come up with such good fortunes. Just FYI. No one here tries to plant Peanut except for maybe Ella.

denise f said...

Marigold? No pygmy fortunes?

"Seek not longer legs, for you can crawl under the feeder for nummies that have fallen."

"Crackers in the kitchen cupboard are in your future because you can fit through the doggie door."

"Fear not the hoof trimmers"

Marigold said...

Dear Denise,
I suppose I'll have to see what I can do about that. In the meantime ... ponder the stump. Be the stump. The stump is Zen.