Before I get carried away, (Carried away? Who me?) allow me to express a heartfelt Happy Mother's Day! to all of you who care for and nourish children, husbands, mothers, relatives, charges, fur babies - even plants! You are ALL mothers, so Happy Day to you!
Now then, here we are two days after the fact. Today we get to take a look at the damage. Can't say as we are really looking forward to it, but remember, 'It's ALL good!' The giant, economy-sized ACE bandage slipped a little during the night and the Goatmother got a glimpse of things to come. Now she wants to be called FrankenGoatmother. I swear, by the time this is over, that woman is going to have so many aliases she will be able to join the CIA! Oy.
At any rate, other mysterious marks have surfaced. Numerous little red spots on one hand, strange red orbs on one knee. We suspect Alien abduction. After all, the Goatfather and the Goatneighbor were in that little room, and the Goatmother was gone for hours. She doesn't remember any bright lights, but then she doesn't remember much of anything. Come to think of it, her memory wasn't all that good before, so double jeopardy. We may never know, but "I'm more certain than ever that the truth is out there, Scully..."
A few days to recuperate, then we see our much loved surgeon again. (And I DO NOT mean this lightly. The Goatmother's surgeon is top-notch and a fantastic person!) Beyond that, we have some radiation to do and possibly chemotherapy. We are playing the waiting game again. Cancer does not know the word 'hurry'. And really, that's okay. I suppose it is just like losing weight. It didn't come on overnight and it isn't going to go away overnight. (I have copied this last part to give to Boo. That, plus I've added 'Battleships weren't built in a day', 'Freighters do not reach their destinations overnight' and 'Truckers are in it for the long haul'. Then, just for good measure, I added, 'Boo, you are fat.', because you can never get too simple for the Nubian mind. )
So, my friends, we want to thank you again for being there - for your kindness, your caring, your humor and your butting!!! (I do so hope you aren't tired of hearing that!) We are so very humbled.
"The battle of Helm's Deep is over; the battle for Middle Earth is about to begin." - Gandalf, The Two Towers
Life goes on amidst change. Finding the laughter one day at a time...
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Saturday, May 12, 2012
The Return of the Queen
Hello, all! I am sure you are all anxiously awaiting news of the Goatmother and here it is! Fresh off the press! Yesterday was a looooong day, but it would seem that things went in a better direction than we could ever have hoped for. The offending lump was removed and two sentinel lymph nodes were dissected which showed, NO CANCER in them, at least on initial report. There are several good things about this. First, the Down-the-Rabbit-Hole MRI showed 'nothing remarkable'. (I am wondering if they included the Goatmother's brain in that scan, but I wasn't going to ask.) Secondly, the surgeon had had a suspicion that the Goatmother's sentinel lymph node (of which she apparently had two ) might be under her sternum (as occurs in 10% of people) and might not be accessible. However, as it turned out, the only problem was that due to the Goatmother's recent weight loss, the lymph node(s) had retreated to deep underneath her pectoral muscle. (I understand this completely. If I thought someone was coming after me with a scalpel, I'd certainly retreat. And if it turned out to be an Alpine bearing that scalpel, I might likely be in the next county. I'm just sayin'...) So the surgeon said the Goamother was likely to be very sore since she had to 'go a fishin', as they say, and indeed that has turned out to be the case. Still, it's all good. This is the Goatmother's new mantra - It's all good.
We were, however, afraid that the Goatmother might not get to come home last night (and no one would think to come and give the poor goats their nightly Peanut) because they couldn't get her blood pressure to raise. Finally, though, they deemed it 'good 'nuf' and she got to sleep in her own comfy bed! (And the goats got their Peanuts. This is very important, you know. How can we cheer her on and Butt the Hay OUT of Cancer if we can't keep up our strength? Oy.)
Now then, allow me to pause here and tell you a little side story. You see when the Goatfather and Goatmother first moved here, they bought an almost life-sized concrete statue of a lovely lady holding roses to go in the garden. Well, this woman stands in such a position that her left breast receives more exposure to the elements than the rest of her. Thus, her left breast is lighter in color (more white than gray) than the rest of her. She watches over the herbs and flowers and is fondly referred to as 'Our Lady of the White Nipple'. Now then, one of the things that happened during the Goatmother's adventure yesterday, was that they injected her first with a radio-isotope and second a blue dye. The dye was a beautiful Caribbean blue, reminiscent of the sun, sea and sand of a tropical paradise. These things were there so that the doctor could actually find those shy, little shrinking-violet lymph nodes. The only trouble was two-fold. I mean the stuff did its job all right, but the first time the Goatmother went to pee after surgery was better than 'Calgon, take me away!' Sort of St. Tropez and Windex rolled into one. The second thing is, that although we haven't actually seen it yet due to the latent skills of some frustrated expert Christmas-package-wrapping aspirant, and a huge ACE bandage, the Goatmother now has a little added 'Bling' in the form of a blue nipple. This farm is now in proud possession of two wonders of the modern age: Our Lady of the White Nipple, and Our Lady of the Blue Nipple. Ain't we special???
So there you have it. Our heart, our thanks and, well, everything but our Peanuts (although I might consider throwing in a few of those even) go out to each and every one of you who have given us so much and consented to travel this long and arduous road by our side. You have NO idea how special you are and how very MUCH you are loved.
"Then let us be rid of it... once and for all! Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you... but I can carry you!" - Samwise Gamgee, The Return of the King.
You are ALL our Samwise.
We were, however, afraid that the Goatmother might not get to come home last night (and no one would think to come and give the poor goats their nightly Peanut) because they couldn't get her blood pressure to raise. Finally, though, they deemed it 'good 'nuf' and she got to sleep in her own comfy bed! (And the goats got their Peanuts. This is very important, you know. How can we cheer her on and Butt the Hay OUT of Cancer if we can't keep up our strength? Oy.)
Now then, allow me to pause here and tell you a little side story. You see when the Goatfather and Goatmother first moved here, they bought an almost life-sized concrete statue of a lovely lady holding roses to go in the garden. Well, this woman stands in such a position that her left breast receives more exposure to the elements than the rest of her. Thus, her left breast is lighter in color (more white than gray) than the rest of her. She watches over the herbs and flowers and is fondly referred to as 'Our Lady of the White Nipple'. Now then, one of the things that happened during the Goatmother's adventure yesterday, was that they injected her first with a radio-isotope and second a blue dye. The dye was a beautiful Caribbean blue, reminiscent of the sun, sea and sand of a tropical paradise. These things were there so that the doctor could actually find those shy, little shrinking-violet lymph nodes. The only trouble was two-fold. I mean the stuff did its job all right, but the first time the Goatmother went to pee after surgery was better than 'Calgon, take me away!' Sort of St. Tropez and Windex rolled into one. The second thing is, that although we haven't actually seen it yet due to the latent skills of some frustrated expert Christmas-package-wrapping aspirant, and a huge ACE bandage, the Goatmother now has a little added 'Bling' in the form of a blue nipple. This farm is now in proud possession of two wonders of the modern age: Our Lady of the White Nipple, and Our Lady of the Blue Nipple. Ain't we special???
So there you have it. Our heart, our thanks and, well, everything but our Peanuts (although I might consider throwing in a few of those even) go out to each and every one of you who have given us so much and consented to travel this long and arduous road by our side. You have NO idea how special you are and how very MUCH you are loved.
"Then let us be rid of it... once and for all! Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you... but I can carry you!" - Samwise Gamgee, The Return of the King.
You are ALL our Samwise.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
There and Back Again
Good morning! Well, tomorrow is the day. The Goatmother is scheduled for surgery. (Excuse me. I have to check my brain a minute. No, that is correct. It IS tomorrow. My how time flies when you're not having fun.) We didn't have any news from the rabbit hole experience yesterday, so we are hoping against hope that means nothing more has changed. Of course today is another day, as Scarlett implied, but I guess we'll cross that particular bridge if and when we come to it. So tomorrow is likely to be a rather long day, but if all goes as planned, it will be just a lumpectomy and hopefully nothing more drastic. (Ha! Listen to me. 'Just' a lumpectomy. Still, in my defense, given any of the alternatives, 'just' seems to fit.) Plus it is scheduled to be done as an outpatient procedure and the Goatmother has been delirious that she doesn't have to stay and can sleep in her very own bed. I understand that as I can't imagine being comfortable anywhere but my nice little hay-padded corner of the barn. (Unless it is another hay-padded corner of the barn because Ella is having one of her infamous picky-snits and has decided MY corner looks better than hers. Oy.).
Anyway, The Goatmother is naturally a bit apprehensive. I think it might be somewhat like knowing someone else is going to be doing the feeding and wondering whether or not they will have been informed about the absolute necessity of passing out Peanuts. Something like that anyway.
So we are ever hopeful. The Universe even lent us a bit of hand with that since yesterday the Goatmother walked down to the barn and there were five new little baby ducks paddling about in the pond. New life. My highly developed, masterful philosophizing brain says this is an omen. (However, I can't help but think this is adding to the literal hoard of UrDuck-H'ai we already have to endure. On the up side, at least they are a whole lot cuter, and peeping isn't nearly as annoying as quacking.)
So, my friends, since modern medicine has not advanced far enough to actually allow goats to enter the hospital, yet, I'll be waiting tomorrow just like you. Rest assured, I will inform you at the earliest possible time. We are not proud. Any and all, prayers, positive energy, healing thoughts, good wishes - even downright begging, welcomed here with open arms. Yes, we are a little scared. But as our friend Turbo would say, that's just STUPID. Human beings have this magic ability. They can be afraid of what is to come. They can build it up in their mind and their feeble mind will take them to the worst possible scenario. But the truth of the matter, the magic part, is that when they actually come face to face with reality, they deal. They simply deal. And usually they do it quite admirably. Who knew?
"It's a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no telling where you might be swept off to." - Bilbo Baggins
P.S. Any of you with a blog, I am working on getting you onto my blog link list in the side bar. I want to acknowledge you. I think it might be a long list eventually. If you aren't there yet, you will be. It is just that Blogger doesn't cooperate (as you may well know if you have a Blogger blog) and time and frustration levels are at a premium just now. Eventually you will be there, however. And if at some point down the road, you look and you are not there, please let me know. But give me a little time first. :) A rainbow of blessings on each and every of your heads!
Anyway, The Goatmother is naturally a bit apprehensive. I think it might be somewhat like knowing someone else is going to be doing the feeding and wondering whether or not they will have been informed about the absolute necessity of passing out Peanuts. Something like that anyway.
So we are ever hopeful. The Universe even lent us a bit of hand with that since yesterday the Goatmother walked down to the barn and there were five new little baby ducks paddling about in the pond. New life. My highly developed, masterful philosophizing brain says this is an omen. (However, I can't help but think this is adding to the literal hoard of UrDuck-H'ai we already have to endure. On the up side, at least they are a whole lot cuter, and peeping isn't nearly as annoying as quacking.)
So, my friends, since modern medicine has not advanced far enough to actually allow goats to enter the hospital, yet, I'll be waiting tomorrow just like you. Rest assured, I will inform you at the earliest possible time. We are not proud. Any and all, prayers, positive energy, healing thoughts, good wishes - even downright begging, welcomed here with open arms. Yes, we are a little scared. But as our friend Turbo would say, that's just STUPID. Human beings have this magic ability. They can be afraid of what is to come. They can build it up in their mind and their feeble mind will take them to the worst possible scenario. But the truth of the matter, the magic part, is that when they actually come face to face with reality, they deal. They simply deal. And usually they do it quite admirably. Who knew?
"It's a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no telling where you might be swept off to." - Bilbo Baggins
P.S. Any of you with a blog, I am working on getting you onto my blog link list in the side bar. I want to acknowledge you. I think it might be a long list eventually. If you aren't there yet, you will be. It is just that Blogger doesn't cooperate (as you may well know if you have a Blogger blog) and time and frustration levels are at a premium just now. Eventually you will be there, however. And if at some point down the road, you look and you are not there, please let me know. But give me a little time first. :) A rainbow of blessings on each and every of your heads!
Monday, May 7, 2012
The Rabbit Hole
Just a short note. First of all, we can never ever express the depth of our gratitude to Teresa Perin of Eden Hills and Mimi Foxmorton of The Goat Borrower for what you see in my side bar. Teresa's mother is the artist that managed to capture the fabulous and real me, and with a Mona Lisa-esque smile no less! (Eat your heart out, Angelina.) Oh, sorry. I got side tracked there for a minute. And as if that weren't enough, the picture you see has been made available for download on the FaceBook page of the Sisterhood of the Goat. And as if THAT weren't enough, buttons are now available for purchase, here, for anyone who so desires. The Goatmother literally sobbed when she saw what they had done. Of course I had to butt her. Oh it was only a gentle butt, but I needed to remind her that it is okay to let people do things for you. I mean, look at me. I let people do things for me all the time. It is the goat way.
So then, we would like you all to know that Mr. Murphy is alive and well at our house. Still. Last Friday, the Goatmother was due to have an MRI. They called that morning and said, 'Oops. The machine is broken. You will have to come on Tuesday.' So tomorrow is the day. It is down the rabbit hole for the Goatmother. She will be looking for white rabbits who are running late while she is there. Please wish her luck. She was ready last Friday. I don't think she's as ready now. I know how that feels. It is kind of like when you are about to get your hooves trimmed and somebody forgets to bring the Peanuts. I mean, your taste buds are all primed and ready and then ... nothing. Oy.
" ... I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand!" - Aragorn, The Return of the King
So then, we would like you all to know that Mr. Murphy is alive and well at our house. Still. Last Friday, the Goatmother was due to have an MRI. They called that morning and said, 'Oops. The machine is broken. You will have to come on Tuesday.' So tomorrow is the day. It is down the rabbit hole for the Goatmother. She will be looking for white rabbits who are running late while she is there. Please wish her luck. She was ready last Friday. I don't think she's as ready now. I know how that feels. It is kind of like when you are about to get your hooves trimmed and somebody forgets to bring the Peanuts. I mean, your taste buds are all primed and ready and then ... nothing. Oy.
" ... I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand!" - Aragorn, The Return of the King
Saturday, May 5, 2012
First You Cry
Good morning all. I am sure you have all been wondering just exactly why I have been so silent. Certainly it is very uncharacteristic, to say the least. But the truth of the matter is, there has been a rather large monkey wrench (darn those monkeys anyway) thrown into the cogs on the wheel of life around here. So bear with me while I figure out how to go about this.
First of all, I would have written earlier, but I couldn't remember where it was you went to actually start a new post. (Thank you, Blogger). So after I figured out that I didn't want to do it in Arabic or Czech, I finally figured out, 'Oh! It is this stupid looking orange pencil thingy!'.
Now, then, to the matter at hand. This blog is going to take a bit of a new direction, and there is a reason for this. Let me just say, right now, that if you are put off by this change (see my previous rules), and choose to stop reading, well, then so be it. We will miss you, but I am hoping that won't be the case.
So let me get right to the point. Our beloved Goatmother has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Yes, it is that awful 'C' word. At first no one could even utter the word. We found lots of other ways to say it like, 'Oh. The biopsy came back positive', or 'Oh. The doctor found something not so good.', or 'Oy Vay!, Mama! What are these people really trying to say?' And the title of this post is unequivocally true. First you cry. And then the fear takes hold. Mr. Fear is a terrible task master and the jerk tends to lead one off into quite unacceptable territory. Unreasonable thoughts begin to enter one's mind. Things like, 'Where in the hay are my Peanuts going to come from?' Oh, wait. Maybe that was a bad example ...
Anyway, for the sake of the Goatmother, I am going to be blogging through this ordeal. The posts may not be regular, but then again, who knows? However, they will keep coming. We're absolutely not going anywhere! I figure it will help the Goatmother immensely to have someone willing to help her vent her feelings, keep up her spirits, and most importantly, to boost her sense of humor. We are firm believers around here that a sense of humor is paramount to keeping a positive attitude. Laughter IS the best medicine.
And so far we are all completely blown away by the kindness, graciousness and beauty in people. People willing to help in any way they can. People willing to just send encouragement. So much coming from so many unexpected places. (Ella has even promised to act like less of a punk. Mind you she is likely to fall off the wagon a time or two, but I suppose it is the thought that counts.) We will never be able to repay them all, but we will try. Oh, yes, we will try.
Above all, I am here, along with so many others, to help the Goatmother BUTT THE HAY out of this monster. With five hard and angry goat heads, one very determined fireball of a Goatfather, two dogs willing to bite this thing in its sorry (pardon my goat) ass, and a whole passel of the most wonderful beings walking the face of this beautiful planet, that is exactly what we are going to do. We have received an offer from The Snowcatcher to use her bicycling-forged thunder thighs to kick butt, an offer from a herd of misguided pygmy goats over at 'Ewww! What's On My Shoe', (who have first hand knowledge of this monster themselves), and oh, so many other capable assassin types. We may even enlist Darla, the world's best dressed goat over at The Goat Borrower, to design a lovely canceresque goat cap. Hay, it could happen! And I can't leave out the fabulous Goatfarmer and all my friends over at my birthplace, This Goat's Life, CoraBelle and her minions at Life Beyond the Sidewalks, the goat boys and other critters at On the Way to Critter Farm (who just went through something similar themselves), Millie and everyone at Eden Hills, and I am sure I have forgotten someone. (And these are just the bloggers ... there are so many more. As I said we will never be able to repay them all.) But if I forgot, please forgive. The brain is rather mush right now. ( I think it may be because we had to endure the Goatfather trimming our hooves. Trust me, it was as much a chose nouvelle for him as it was for us. But more likely the brain mush is due to a lack of Peanuts. I'm just sayin'.... One has to keep up one's strength in the face of adversity.)
So, my friends, Beam me up, Scotty, and fasten your seat belts, 'cuz we're goin' for a ride!
P.S. The Goatmother asked her surgeon how she felt about being on the internet. Her reply? "Well, there's a woman whose duck has a blog and I'm on it. Why not a goat?" Needless to say, we have a lot of faith in this woman.
First of all, I would have written earlier, but I couldn't remember where it was you went to actually start a new post. (Thank you, Blogger). So after I figured out that I didn't want to do it in Arabic or Czech, I finally figured out, 'Oh! It is this stupid looking orange pencil thingy!'.
Now, then, to the matter at hand. This blog is going to take a bit of a new direction, and there is a reason for this. Let me just say, right now, that if you are put off by this change (see my previous rules), and choose to stop reading, well, then so be it. We will miss you, but I am hoping that won't be the case.
So let me get right to the point. Our beloved Goatmother has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Yes, it is that awful 'C' word. At first no one could even utter the word. We found lots of other ways to say it like, 'Oh. The biopsy came back positive', or 'Oh. The doctor found something not so good.', or 'Oy Vay!, Mama! What are these people really trying to say?' And the title of this post is unequivocally true. First you cry. And then the fear takes hold. Mr. Fear is a terrible task master and the jerk tends to lead one off into quite unacceptable territory. Unreasonable thoughts begin to enter one's mind. Things like, 'Where in the hay are my Peanuts going to come from?' Oh, wait. Maybe that was a bad example ...
Anyway, for the sake of the Goatmother, I am going to be blogging through this ordeal. The posts may not be regular, but then again, who knows? However, they will keep coming. We're absolutely not going anywhere! I figure it will help the Goatmother immensely to have someone willing to help her vent her feelings, keep up her spirits, and most importantly, to boost her sense of humor. We are firm believers around here that a sense of humor is paramount to keeping a positive attitude. Laughter IS the best medicine.
And so far we are all completely blown away by the kindness, graciousness and beauty in people. People willing to help in any way they can. People willing to just send encouragement. So much coming from so many unexpected places. (Ella has even promised to act like less of a punk. Mind you she is likely to fall off the wagon a time or two, but I suppose it is the thought that counts.) We will never be able to repay them all, but we will try. Oh, yes, we will try.
Above all, I am here, along with so many others, to help the Goatmother BUTT THE HAY out of this monster. With five hard and angry goat heads, one very determined fireball of a Goatfather, two dogs willing to bite this thing in its sorry (pardon my goat) ass, and a whole passel of the most wonderful beings walking the face of this beautiful planet, that is exactly what we are going to do. We have received an offer from The Snowcatcher to use her bicycling-forged thunder thighs to kick butt, an offer from a herd of misguided pygmy goats over at 'Ewww! What's On My Shoe', (who have first hand knowledge of this monster themselves), and oh, so many other capable assassin types. We may even enlist Darla, the world's best dressed goat over at The Goat Borrower, to design a lovely canceresque goat cap. Hay, it could happen! And I can't leave out the fabulous Goatfarmer and all my friends over at my birthplace, This Goat's Life, CoraBelle and her minions at Life Beyond the Sidewalks, the goat boys and other critters at On the Way to Critter Farm (who just went through something similar themselves), Millie and everyone at Eden Hills, and I am sure I have forgotten someone. (And these are just the bloggers ... there are so many more. As I said we will never be able to repay them all.) But if I forgot, please forgive. The brain is rather mush right now. ( I think it may be because we had to endure the Goatfather trimming our hooves. Trust me, it was as much a chose nouvelle for him as it was for us. But more likely the brain mush is due to a lack of Peanuts. I'm just sayin'.... One has to keep up one's strength in the face of adversity.)
So, my friends, Beam me up, Scotty, and fasten your seat belts, 'cuz we're goin' for a ride!
P.S. The Goatmother asked her surgeon how she felt about being on the internet. Her reply? "Well, there's a woman whose duck has a blog and I'm on it. Why not a goat?" Needless to say, we have a lot of faith in this woman.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Change
It is very hard to teach an old goat new tricks. Not only that, but old goats don't usually like new tricks in the first place. And yet the world seems single-minded in its determination to foist change on us no matter whether we like it or not - force being the operative word here. I am a strong subscriber to the theory that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Why change a good thing? Just because somebody needs something new to do? Just because some crank in the gears complained about some problem that was only relevant to them? Or maybe it is because the world is money driven, thereby creating a false assumption that 'change' equals keeping ahead of the competition. Proponents of change will tell you this is 'progress', but somehow those changes, more often than not, result in increased complications rather than greater ease. Is that progress? Oh, what a tangled web we weave ...
So what's a goat to do? Well, I've come up with a few solutions. Maybe they aren't solutions, per se, but they may manage to make you at least feel better.
Rule No. 1 - Ignore the change. This works pretty well. For example, suppose you are merrily chomping away out in the pasture and some Alpine decides that your place looks like a much better place to eat than the one she is currently occupying. She has decided that a change is in order. One you aren't going to like. Ignore her. Turn the other cheek, so to speak, even if it is one of the rear ones. As a matter of fact, one of the rear ones is likely the better choice. Whatever you do, don't make eye contact. She may lose interest because she can't see the intimidation in your eyes. On the other hand, ignoring doesn't always work because most of the time the ignoree is bigger than you and may choose brute force as an alternative. Still, unless the ignoree is an ignoramus, ignoring is still the best method to try first. Plus, there is always this. No one likes to be forced into anything. Force often results in anger, which may, in turn, result in an additional charge of adrenalin, which may, in turn, grant you some of that super-strength you read about where mothers lift cars off their kids and that kind of thing. Likely you could get a cape after that, the mere sight of which would remind them to leave you the hay alone. At any rate, no matter what the change, always try ignoring first.
Rule No. 2 - Grin and bear it. Although this is certainly an alternative when faced with change, I don't really recommend it. First of all, where is your chutzpah? Are you going to take this lying down? Not me. You see, goats really don't have a lot of control in their lives. I mean we have to rely on someone to give out the Peanuts when they feel like it. We are fenced in, in more ways than one. So, naturally, if you don't have a lot of control in your own life, change can really make you angry because it is yet another example of things somebody else decided for you. Hey, I want to decide! So if you take the tack of just grinning and bearing it, you are just perpetuating the giving-up-control scenario.
On the other hand, if, instead of grinning and bearing it, you say 'No! I'm NOT going to do this!', once in awhile, those around you will grumble for awhile, but eventually they get used to the new and improved you. For example, let us go back to that scene in the pasture with the pushy Alpine. First you ignore her, but that doesn't seem to work, so she comes at you. The thing to do is to whirl around and shout 'NO!' (or BAAAAAAAH! works too) at the top of your lungs. That stupid Alpine will likely be so shocked you dared to defy her, she will probably stop dead in her tracks while her feeble mind tries to process what just happened here. Then she'll turn and start grumbling under her breath to anyone that will listen about how you've never done this before, and what is wrong with you already?, and how dare you think of questioning her! The point is, it will result in your not having to accept the intended change. Yes, you could have just accepted it and gone on, but that would just result in more work for you and why should you always be the one who has to accommodate someone else. This is why I don't highly recommend Rule No. 2.
Rule No. 3 - Butt it! You may remember that this was the primary rule for when life gets in the way. What can I say? It's an all-purpose kind of rule. It works. You could apply this one to that pushy Alpine above, or you could apply it in a situation with any not-so-bright Nubian that happens to have sheer bulk on her side and can easily squash you if you don't get out of the way. Or what about that short little Nigerian who tries to convince you he is smarter than you and therefore KNOWS that the change is good for you? Meet them head on, I say! You have rights! Even if your reason is that you simply do not like change, it is your right to feel that way. No one else has the right to tell you what you should or shouldn't feel - what you DO or DO NOT feel! And if it doesn't work to meet them head to head, well, then slam them in the butt when they aren't looking! (That's what that little smarter-than-thou Nigerian does.)
Okay, well, sometimes maybe it just isn't worth all the effort. But on the other hand, how much effort are you expending having to make all those prescribed changes? Why can't there ever be a status quo? I don't want to stagnate, but I can certainly think of lots more fun ways to spend my precious time than in making unnecessary, unwarranted and unacceptable changes. What about you?
"All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward." - Ellen Glasgow
So what's a goat to do? Well, I've come up with a few solutions. Maybe they aren't solutions, per se, but they may manage to make you at least feel better.
Rule No. 1 - Ignore the change. This works pretty well. For example, suppose you are merrily chomping away out in the pasture and some Alpine decides that your place looks like a much better place to eat than the one she is currently occupying. She has decided that a change is in order. One you aren't going to like. Ignore her. Turn the other cheek, so to speak, even if it is one of the rear ones. As a matter of fact, one of the rear ones is likely the better choice. Whatever you do, don't make eye contact. She may lose interest because she can't see the intimidation in your eyes. On the other hand, ignoring doesn't always work because most of the time the ignoree is bigger than you and may choose brute force as an alternative. Still, unless the ignoree is an ignoramus, ignoring is still the best method to try first. Plus, there is always this. No one likes to be forced into anything. Force often results in anger, which may, in turn, result in an additional charge of adrenalin, which may, in turn, grant you some of that super-strength you read about where mothers lift cars off their kids and that kind of thing. Likely you could get a cape after that, the mere sight of which would remind them to leave you the hay alone. At any rate, no matter what the change, always try ignoring first.
Rule No. 2 - Grin and bear it. Although this is certainly an alternative when faced with change, I don't really recommend it. First of all, where is your chutzpah? Are you going to take this lying down? Not me. You see, goats really don't have a lot of control in their lives. I mean we have to rely on someone to give out the Peanuts when they feel like it. We are fenced in, in more ways than one. So, naturally, if you don't have a lot of control in your own life, change can really make you angry because it is yet another example of things somebody else decided for you. Hey, I want to decide! So if you take the tack of just grinning and bearing it, you are just perpetuating the giving-up-control scenario.
On the other hand, if, instead of grinning and bearing it, you say 'No! I'm NOT going to do this!', once in awhile, those around you will grumble for awhile, but eventually they get used to the new and improved you. For example, let us go back to that scene in the pasture with the pushy Alpine. First you ignore her, but that doesn't seem to work, so she comes at you. The thing to do is to whirl around and shout 'NO!' (or BAAAAAAAH! works too) at the top of your lungs. That stupid Alpine will likely be so shocked you dared to defy her, she will probably stop dead in her tracks while her feeble mind tries to process what just happened here. Then she'll turn and start grumbling under her breath to anyone that will listen about how you've never done this before, and what is wrong with you already?, and how dare you think of questioning her! The point is, it will result in your not having to accept the intended change. Yes, you could have just accepted it and gone on, but that would just result in more work for you and why should you always be the one who has to accommodate someone else. This is why I don't highly recommend Rule No. 2.
Rule No. 3 - Butt it! You may remember that this was the primary rule for when life gets in the way. What can I say? It's an all-purpose kind of rule. It works. You could apply this one to that pushy Alpine above, or you could apply it in a situation with any not-so-bright Nubian that happens to have sheer bulk on her side and can easily squash you if you don't get out of the way. Or what about that short little Nigerian who tries to convince you he is smarter than you and therefore KNOWS that the change is good for you? Meet them head on, I say! You have rights! Even if your reason is that you simply do not like change, it is your right to feel that way. No one else has the right to tell you what you should or shouldn't feel - what you DO or DO NOT feel! And if it doesn't work to meet them head to head, well, then slam them in the butt when they aren't looking! (That's what that little smarter-than-thou Nigerian does.)
Okay, well, sometimes maybe it just isn't worth all the effort. But on the other hand, how much effort are you expending having to make all those prescribed changes? Why can't there ever be a status quo? I don't want to stagnate, but I can certainly think of lots more fun ways to spend my precious time than in making unnecessary, unwarranted and unacceptable changes. What about you?
"All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward." - Ellen Glasgow
Thursday, April 5, 2012
When Life Gets In The Way
We all know what it's like. You have this list all made out in your head of all the things you want to do today. Maybe you even have it written out on paper. Yet somehow, when it comes right down to it, how many times do you actually accomplish what is on that list? You reach the end of the day, you look at that list and you say to yourself, "I didn't do A, B or even C, for Goat's sake! Why the hay not? " Well, my friends, the answer is that life got in the way. I think it is actually written down as a rule some place. 'If anyone has a certain amount of things they wish to accomplish in a day, only one is allowed, and that can NOT be something said doer actually wanted to do.' The rule looks something like that. In fact, if you really want to know, it's in the same book with 'bread slices are required to always fall butter side down', 'emergencies can only happen after hours, on weekends or on holidays', and 'all disasters, major or minor, must always occur in threes.'
So what is one to do? All those unforeseen things that pop up and demand our attention, right NOW. The worries that constantly taunt and tug at our thoughts. Even the people that somehow seem to feel their priorities are so much more important. Oy. It's a wonder anyone manages to get anything done at all, let alone anything they might care to do for fun. It is truly a dilemma.
Until now. Enter Marigold, goat philosopher, here to show you a better way. Goats know how to get things done, and, let me tell you, anything standing in the way of that simply doesn't stand a chance. There are reasons for this, and I am about to share those secrets with you. (Gee, this is beginning to sound like an infomercial.)
Anyway:
Rule No. 1 - The first rule is simple. Anyone or anything that tries to get in the way of what you are trying to accomplish, butt it. I can not begin to tell you how effective this is. Of course, an element of surprise is useful. But even if they happen to see it coming, if you are fast enough, they can seldom get out of the way in time. Butt them out of the way and get on to whatever it was you were trying to do. Works every time. Now that I think of it, this may cause one to experience a modicum of retaliatory behavior, but this will usually result in only minor setbacks. No worries.
Rule No. 2 - And speaking of worries, don't do it. Worry that is. Worry will cause one to become mired at point A in the day and make it impossible to go any further. In fact, you might not even make it to point A. Someone once said that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. Now how true is that? Remember that worrying is NOT one of the major food groups, so don't buy into it or it will consume you. Better to buy Peanuts. They ARE one of the major food groups, and they never slow you down or even get in your way. Peanuts are Zen. Worry is not.
Rule No. 3 - Remember that you are always in exactly the place you are supposed to be. Trust me, I've had to knock this one into the Goatmother's head a few times. If you remember this rule, you will always be in the present. The present is the only place you can actually get anything done. You won't be stuck back in the past someplace thinking about what you should have done, and you won't be off some place in the nebulous future dreaming about what could happen or what you could do if all these friggin' other things didn't keep getting in your way. I've tried with the Goatmother. I stand right in front of the door so she has to stop. And I don't move. That's because I'm trying to get her to stay in the present. Sometimes it works. Sometimes she just ends up telling me what she's going to do to me in the future if I don't get out of the way. Some people are just hard-headed. But take my advice and try it. Besides, it helps a whole lot with Rule No. 2.
Rule No. 4 - Don't think negative thoughts. Thoughts have power. They grow and take on a life of their own. I mean look at me. I have so many profound thoughts they have become like little mini-Marigolds. Those thoughts have manifested themselves - insinuated themselves into peoples' lives. If that isn't power, I don't know what is. So if all you think are negative thoughts, then negativity is what gets manifested in your life. And if you have negativity manifesting in your life, do you think you are actually going to accomplish anything positive? Don't think so, Merle. Nope. If you want positive, then you have to think positive. Send all those good thoughts out into the Universe and they will alight like little wind-blown Dandelion seeds. Pretty soon positivity will be springing up all over the place (just like all those happy little yellow faces all over your lawn).
Rule No. 5 - Always keep your imagination in check. It is too little to be out on its own. This is very important. Just like properly controlled kids, your imagination can be a good thing. It can bring you pleasure, help you dream your dreams, and even assist you in getting through your day because you imagined how it was going to be. Haven't you ever heard that saying about if you can imagine it, you can do it? That's true, but let that little sucker out on its own and look out! There's no telling where it's going to end up. So if you are prone to that futuristic mode of thinking I mentioned in Rule No. 3, your imagination is going to take the bit in its mouth and run with it. A runaway imagination is a huge hindrance because everyone knows that any scenario it is likely to come up with is bound to be at least 90% worse than the actual event could ever possibly be. If you think life was getting in your way before, just let your imagination out on its own and see what happens. I can guarantee you won't be pleased. I mean suppose I missed the rapturous taste of the Peanut I was eating because I allowed my imagination to run off and think about all those other Peanuts. No, my friends. One Peanut at a time. That's the ticket!
So then, if life has been getting in the way of the things you need to do, and more importantly those things you want to do, I hope you can find some Peanut... er... pearls of wisdom in the secrets I have revealed to you here. If you find some of them useful, that is wonderful. And if you don't , well, then remember that life doesn't always go as planned. Divine Providence can only do so much. After all, it has been written that the world was created in seven days, and on the eighth day God said, 'Okay, Murphy. You're in charge.' Truer words have probably never been uttered. In fact, I kind of wonder if it wasn't a goat that said them in the first place.
So what is one to do? All those unforeseen things that pop up and demand our attention, right NOW. The worries that constantly taunt and tug at our thoughts. Even the people that somehow seem to feel their priorities are so much more important. Oy. It's a wonder anyone manages to get anything done at all, let alone anything they might care to do for fun. It is truly a dilemma.
Until now. Enter Marigold, goat philosopher, here to show you a better way. Goats know how to get things done, and, let me tell you, anything standing in the way of that simply doesn't stand a chance. There are reasons for this, and I am about to share those secrets with you. (Gee, this is beginning to sound like an infomercial.)
Anyway:
Rule No. 1 - The first rule is simple. Anyone or anything that tries to get in the way of what you are trying to accomplish, butt it. I can not begin to tell you how effective this is. Of course, an element of surprise is useful. But even if they happen to see it coming, if you are fast enough, they can seldom get out of the way in time. Butt them out of the way and get on to whatever it was you were trying to do. Works every time. Now that I think of it, this may cause one to experience a modicum of retaliatory behavior, but this will usually result in only minor setbacks. No worries.
Rule No. 2 - And speaking of worries, don't do it. Worry that is. Worry will cause one to become mired at point A in the day and make it impossible to go any further. In fact, you might not even make it to point A. Someone once said that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. Now how true is that? Remember that worrying is NOT one of the major food groups, so don't buy into it or it will consume you. Better to buy Peanuts. They ARE one of the major food groups, and they never slow you down or even get in your way. Peanuts are Zen. Worry is not.
Rule No. 3 - Remember that you are always in exactly the place you are supposed to be. Trust me, I've had to knock this one into the Goatmother's head a few times. If you remember this rule, you will always be in the present. The present is the only place you can actually get anything done. You won't be stuck back in the past someplace thinking about what you should have done, and you won't be off some place in the nebulous future dreaming about what could happen or what you could do if all these friggin' other things didn't keep getting in your way. I've tried with the Goatmother. I stand right in front of the door so she has to stop. And I don't move. That's because I'm trying to get her to stay in the present. Sometimes it works. Sometimes she just ends up telling me what she's going to do to me in the future if I don't get out of the way. Some people are just hard-headed. But take my advice and try it. Besides, it helps a whole lot with Rule No. 2.
Rule No. 4 - Don't think negative thoughts. Thoughts have power. They grow and take on a life of their own. I mean look at me. I have so many profound thoughts they have become like little mini-Marigolds. Those thoughts have manifested themselves - insinuated themselves into peoples' lives. If that isn't power, I don't know what is. So if all you think are negative thoughts, then negativity is what gets manifested in your life. And if you have negativity manifesting in your life, do you think you are actually going to accomplish anything positive? Don't think so, Merle. Nope. If you want positive, then you have to think positive. Send all those good thoughts out into the Universe and they will alight like little wind-blown Dandelion seeds. Pretty soon positivity will be springing up all over the place (just like all those happy little yellow faces all over your lawn).
Rule No. 5 - Always keep your imagination in check. It is too little to be out on its own. This is very important. Just like properly controlled kids, your imagination can be a good thing. It can bring you pleasure, help you dream your dreams, and even assist you in getting through your day because you imagined how it was going to be. Haven't you ever heard that saying about if you can imagine it, you can do it? That's true, but let that little sucker out on its own and look out! There's no telling where it's going to end up. So if you are prone to that futuristic mode of thinking I mentioned in Rule No. 3, your imagination is going to take the bit in its mouth and run with it. A runaway imagination is a huge hindrance because everyone knows that any scenario it is likely to come up with is bound to be at least 90% worse than the actual event could ever possibly be. If you think life was getting in your way before, just let your imagination out on its own and see what happens. I can guarantee you won't be pleased. I mean suppose I missed the rapturous taste of the Peanut I was eating because I allowed my imagination to run off and think about all those other Peanuts. No, my friends. One Peanut at a time. That's the ticket!
So then, if life has been getting in the way of the things you need to do, and more importantly those things you want to do, I hope you can find some Peanut... er... pearls of wisdom in the secrets I have revealed to you here. If you find some of them useful, that is wonderful. And if you don't , well, then remember that life doesn't always go as planned. Divine Providence can only do so much. After all, it has been written that the world was created in seven days, and on the eighth day God said, 'Okay, Murphy. You're in charge.' Truer words have probably never been uttered. In fact, I kind of wonder if it wasn't a goat that said them in the first place.
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