You know, there are times. There are times when the sense of humor that keeps you afloat, evades you like the fragile, flighty butterfly it is. There are times when no matter how lucky you are, or how lucky you feel, the hard reality of it all comes crashing down on you like a thundering wave. Swallowing you up and making it hard to breathe. There are times when no matter how hard you try - to help, to be in control, to manage - you just can't. And you are tired. Sometimes so bone weary you think you'll never be able to manage another step forward, though forward is where you need to go because everyone is there waiting to see that you are somehow okay in spite of it all. They need to know. There are times when it hurts - physically, emotionally and spiritually. Times when you get up in the morning, look in the mirror to catch a glimpse of that person who used to be there looking back, but instead find yourself gazing at someone you barely recognize. There are times when you become mired in fear even though you know in your heart it isn't a good place to be. And sometimes those ugly 'what if's' grab at your heart and hold on, threatening to carry you away in a tsunami of doubt. There are times when all those half full glasses suddenly look half empty.
There are those times. They aren't much fun. Yet if one denies their existence, it only serves to somehow give them more power. In some odd quirk of fate, to acknowledge them makes it easier to let them go.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow" - Mary Anne Radmacher
Life goes on amidst change. Finding the laughter one day at a time...
23 comments:
I hear you.
Dear One, it seems wise that you acknowledge the "bad times of the soul," as well as when you can keep an optimistic face on things.
Not to dig deeper into the "bad times and feelings and fears." But as you said, to acknowledge them. All of them. Even in your blog.
You are human, after all.
Duality is part of being human.
Even the duality of how we are handling troubles.
Gentle hugs.......
Dearest Goatfarmer,
We KNOW you do.
Dear Candy,
Thank you for the hugs. Got Peanuts too? Oh, wait, those hugs were for the Goatmother, huh? Oh, well. Got any Peanuts anyway????
There are times when healing and acceptance require pain and fear.
There are times when darkness is needed to see light.
There are times when fatigue and exhaustion are needed to feel trust and faith.
There are times when doubt is required to find out just how many people will step up and pull you through the hell.
There are also times when life just sucks.
And that's OK too.
Dear Auntie,
There are times...even in the best of times. To ignore them is to set oneself apart. Can't do that because all life is interconnected. And somehow we have to know that it is okay to be wherever we happen to be. That, too, is part of this precious life we live.
Dear Goat Girls Rule,
Very well said. Which is, of course, why goat girls rule. :)
darn it anyway! I get that too, and when that dark cloud finally dissolves..I wonder why I let it consume me? I try to remember it'll pass. My memory anymore isn't what it used to be. Some days I just blame it on hormones...oh wait...they pretty much dissolved those too?! Those days are when I get to laughing so hard at something that I roll right into a bawling baby. My mind is a scarey place somedays!
How we wish we could spare our friends from those times. But we can't.
May the Goatmother's cup be filled with peace and blessing, and a renewal of that quiet courage which will enable her to "try again tomorrow".
Do yourself a favor and smash the glass and all mirrors. It's not an easy time for the goatmother anyway you look at it. It's OKAY to give into exhaustion and rest. Be gentle with yourself.
Dear DebH,
Oh! The Goatmother is going to dissolve??? Oh, no! 'What a world, what a world!' .... :) Plus I gotta' tell you, I thought only possums and armadillers rolled into balls. Deb in a laughing ball? Yes, scarey. Very scarey indeed. :)
Dear Mrs. Micawber,
Yeah, but if your friends got spared, they wouldn't get to have all the fun of getting smacked in the first place. I mean, we goats know this. Which is why we are so fond of T-boning each other. but that trying again tomorrow thing. I'm really down with that. That's how I keep getting Peanuts.
Dear J,
We don't have any mirrors and the only glass is the window in the sacred grain room - which, for obvious reason, no one will let us near. Another reason we goats are so fond of T-boning. Gets rid of a lot of frustration and good for the soul.
Dear Marigold, a friend of mine went through chemo, radiation AND a bone marrow transplant. She says she has PSTD from the experience. But, she's also here, back on her horse, and has the best sense of humor of anyone I know (a sense of humor she's always had, I've know her for 40 years. Since we were teens.) Anyway, I know that you, Marigold, wish in your goatie heart of hearts that peanuts would make everything better for your beloved Goatmother. They might not today, but trust me, they will in the future. If you dip the peanuts in chocolate. That will definitely help.
Thank you Dear One, for replying to my question, about seeing the 'symbols'.. Glad you can.
I don't know that I can say it any better than Goat Girls Rule. That's it in a nutshell. A giant nutshell. And the nut is still there for your enjoyment...
Dear Snowcatcher,
Giant nutshells? PEAnut shells???? Oh, be still my beating heart. Yes, those TN Goats are pretty astute, don't ya' think?
Dear Auntie,
We goats have exquisite eyesight. :)
Dear Terry,
Peanuts dipped in chocolate? Hmmm, a novel idea. If the Goatmother doesn't like them she can give them to me! (We are still chuckling over your comment about the cria looking like it was made out of pipe cleaners. :))
You truly are a wise Goatmother. We are all here sending you hugs.
Dear Millie,
Hey, wait a minute! It's me who's wise. I'm the philosophical one. I'll take the hugs, too. Shhhh....surely you have some for a lonely goat too? :)
Many hugs to you, human and goatie xx
Dear Michelle,
Thank you!!!
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