"If providence did beards devise,
To prove the wearers of them wise,
A fulsome goat would then, by nature,
Excel each other human creature." - Thomas D'Urfey

Sunday, December 23, 2007

A Very Merry Christmas!

‘Twas the night before Christmas,
A night just like most,
With ice crystals dancing
On field, tree and post.

The Homegoat Security Team was on guard,
Patrolling perimeters, buildings and yard.
And me with my side-panel radar on scan,
Stood watching for coyote, cougar or man.

And when we had made
All the checks we could make,
We ran to the barn
For a much needed break.

I'd just settled in on my side of the stall,
Past Boo who was standing there hogging it all,
When outside the barn there arose such a clatter.
Watson fainted, of course. What the hay was the matter?

I ran to the door and went on alert.
Ella tripped over Watson and fell in the dirt.
Boo just kept on eating, gave Peanut a smile.
He was stuck there behind her and would be for a while.

I peered through the darkness,
Cried out, “What was that?
It’s likely that idiot
Flight-challenged Bat!”

“Duck and Cover!” I cried,
And we all heard a thump.
They’d just better be keeping
Their mitts off my stump!

But then I caught movement
And thought, “Ay, yi, yi!”,
For I saw something strange
Coming out of the sky.

An amphibious sleigh
With lights all aglow.
This is the Pacific Northwest,
Don’t you know?

Well, you see o’er the world,
On one night each year,
St. Magnus Peanutos,
To goats doth appear.

A magnificent beard,
And a full set of horns,
And bags full of cookies,
Alfalfa and corn.

So I was convinced
That it simply must be
That jolly good goat
With his delivery.

Turned out I’d been right
As he came on inside,
Went straight to his work,
Trying hard to decide.

And laying his hoof
Aside of his beard,
He looked straight at me.
It was just as I’d feared.

“I hear you’ve been naughty
Of late, don’t you see?
Still I guess that’s as good
As you’re likely to be.”

So my 12 steps paid off,
And from what I can tell,
The Peanuts he left,
All come three to a shell!

Then amid Watson’s spewing Shakespearean prose,
He leapt to his sleigh and slowly it rose.
And I heard him exclaim,”If you need me just call.
And try to remember, NO butting, you all!”

Merry Christmas!


goatfarmer said...

Marigold! Or should I say Merrygold? I thought you were a philosopher, not a poet! Ho Ho HO!!!!!

Yang said...

And to you and yours, Marigold!!

Marigold said...

Dear goatfarmer,
What can I say? You taught me to be very versatile.

The Sweet Pea said...

Dear Marigold, you are my very favorite pen pal!!! What a talent
you are!! A marvel! You are so wise..... a poet, philosopher , goat security specialist...... I think you need to consider politics!! It's not too late to enter the presidential race!!! We can still get you in there before the Iowa caucus nominates a candidate! I don't know much about politics but I did hear de donna say that there are more than a few jack asses in the race. This must mean that goats can run for office
since we are much smarter.
Merry Christmas.... bhaaaa bahhahhh

Robyn said...

Finally the dog mother let me use the computer. I have tried repeatedly to use the computer and after 15 years the dog mother relented. Why in dog year I am ever so much older and wiser than she (maybe I shouldn't have typed that on her computer, as I am sure she will take offense - oh well the damage is done as I cannot located the delete button).

But I digress (that seems to be happening more and more frequently).

Brilliant prose Marigold! I only noticed one thing lacking in your wonderful rendition of the Night Before Dogmas, your story completely lacked the addition of the wise, loyal, compassionate, and affectionate dogs (specifically border collies), not that I am speaking specifically of myself, but you understand we are man and goats best friend.

I think the Pea is right, one should not let a mind as brilliant as yours go to waste, politics would be wonderful.............however as the Pea pointed out far too many jack asses in that field! Never did understand why they call it a race, it is much more related to mud wrestling.

Your ever humble friend Lady Bug!

deconstructingVenus said...

awesome. you never cease to amaze, Marigold.

Mimi Foxmorton said...

Oh my!
This is the BEST story I have ever read! DOes everyone know about this holiday? If not, they should!
We should celebrate every year!
And, quite frankly my dear, this is so spectacular that it should be published and marketed in the goat world! :)

Have a Bright New Year!
The Goat Borrower

denise f said...

Poem most excellent! You are SO philosophical, Marigold.