007

 The name's Bond ... Mochi Bond.

“I was just running away from the person I'd been for the past five years. I wasn't particularly pleased with the person I was now, but I had hated and despised the other one ..." ― Ian Fleming, The Spy Who Loved Me 

 Still, this new me ... so handsome ... so debonair ...

Yet...“All the greatest men are maniacs. They are possessed by a mania which drives them forward towards their goal. The great scientists, the philosophers, the religious leaders - all maniacs. What else but a blind single nee of purpose could have given focus to their genius, would have kept them in the groove of purpose. Mania ... is as priceless as genius.”
― Ian Fleming, Doctor No

 That being said ... wait!  What have we here???

 Why it's a STICK!!!

 Oh, well, sauvity.  Who needs it. "A [stick], shaken ... not stirred ... "

 "Bow ties are cool!" - The Eleventh Doctor, Dr Who

Where Is Marigold Holmes When You Need Her?

 

I have discovered that pooping causes Mr. Hyde to come out.  No, it is not what you are thinking, though indeed something does come out.  I mean it in the sense that the action of pooping causes the Mr. Hyde half of Mochi's personality to come to the fore.  Hyde shows no mercy, zooming here and there, willfully attacking toys, Cabra, anything, really, that has the misfortune to be caught in his wake.  And yet I don't think it is something we can reasonably avoid.  I ask you, where is Marigold Holmes when you need her?  She even had 'experience' in the matter, to whit this post. Or this one.

Oh, what may be the cause of this rakehellish debauchery? Or is it simply a fact of life to be endured?

 “There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact.”
― Arthur Conan Doyle, The Boscombe Valley Mystery - a Sherlock Holmes Short Story

 Hmmm ... 

Dr Jekyll, Meet Mr. Hyde

 

Remember this cute little bundle of loving fuzz?  So cute.  So affectionate.  So adorable.  Until ...

Yes. Who knew puppies experience that span of notable juvenile malfeasance known as the Terrible Twos?  Okay, he isn't two years old, but let me tell you this.  There are times when there is a question about whether he will actually make it to one.  Well, maybe it isn't quite that bad.  Still ...

First, and foremost, Mochi is going through the dreaded 'No' stage.  You remember that stage, don't you?  The one that entails things like, 'No, I won't come, and you can't make me.', 'No, I don't want to eat. I would rather play.', 'No, I don't want to go to bed now. I need to pester Cabra.', No, I don't want to go pee.  I am too busy with this stick.'  And so forth and so on ... and on ... and on .... and on ...

Of course he has his good moments.  Sometimes that affectionate little Dr. Jekyll snuggles up to you, or licks your face, or actually comes running when he is called.  But then that evil miscreant, Hyde, takes over, prompting fits of the Zoomies (Remember those?) through every muddy puddle in sight, or, to Cabra's dismay, inducing drive-bys while she is trying to do, as they say in Texas, her 'bidness'. 

But the worst?

Mochi discovered the U'r Duck Hai.  And it is another of those situations fraught with indecision.  On the one hand he is consumed by a curiosity driving him to expand his boundaries.  On the other, he is still that scared little puppy man.  What to do?  Enter the doggie version of the Terrible Twos.  We run at them so they scatter and fly and then we drop back.  You know.  Just to be on the safe side.  Oy, as Marigold would say.

I have read this stage lasts perhaps until they are nine months old.  Well, hey, at least it isn't two years.  Nine months or two years, as Jerry Seinfeld said, "Having a two year old is like having a blender without a lid."  

Uh. Huh.

Ever Had One Of Those Days???

Last night, both goats were up near the house in the pasture.  Seeing that, I thought, 'Hmmm...., now might be a good time to introduce Mochi to the goats.'   So off I went down the driveway inviting both dogs to come along. 

All was copacetic until puppy man realized there were two large, never before seen, LIVE creatures in front of him.  Friends, it was a sight to behold.  Imagine, if you will, someone simultaneously scared out of their wits and yet so consumed by curiosity they can't resist going forward. You know, kind of like those horror movies where the person  just HAS to go down in that basement?  That was Mochi.  His back legs were furiously scrabbling to gain purchase and move him backward while his front legs were simultaneously trying to propel him forward.  Who knew that was even possible?  There were huffs and growls, and lots of flying gravel.  Finally, laughing, (I know.  I'm sorry, but it was funny.) I picked him up.  Of all the times not to have the camera with me.  

Yes, yesterday was quite a big day.  So you can imagine what idea popped into my head this morning when I looked out and saw both goats again near the driveway.  Ah, ha!  So I went back into the house and said to the Goatfather, 'Gee, both goats are up here again.  Why don't we grab the camera and see if Mochi has the same reaction?'

This is how it went:

"Oh, look!  It's one of those things again."

No reaction. Really? He was just curious.  I was so disappointed.  By this time both goats had gotten bored and wandered back to the barn lot.  So, me and my ever-churning mind thought, 'Hmmm.... Well, let's just take him up to the barn lot.'  Uh. Huh.

 "Okay, is this where they went? I think this is where they went!"

 "Yep.  This is it!  I see them in there!"

 "I can't quite see ... if I could just get a little bit closer ..."

 " ... but this darned fence is in the way ..."

 "If I could just get my head in  ... "

 "There! I think I can ... "

Now the squares in field fencing, at least mine, are just 5"x6".  No problem, right? But at this point, all photographic event recording was cut short because all of a sudden not only was his head through, but somehow the entire body! My friends, have you ever seen an overweight woman of a certain age make it over a four and a half foot fence yelling 'Here,Goatfather! Take this camera!' in under ten seconds?  Because if you haven't, you would have seen it this morning.  It was one for the record books, I can tell you.  And as if that weren't enough, to make matters even worse, the game was on!  Catch me if you can, Goatmother!!!!  Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!!!!

Thanks to the Goatfather's fortuitously having had 'special' treats in his pocket, I was finally able to capture the little miscreant before Peanut figured out he was within butting distance.  Whew!  

After that great sigh of relief, I had to get ready to go to the grocery store where I managed to drop an entire container of fresh blueberries all over the floor at the checkout. They went everywhere, even out into the main aisle.  A lady passing by looked down and said, 'If these were M&Ms everyone would be picking them up!'  There's always one.

So have you ever had one of those days?  I haven't yet noticed any physical signs of my foray into the world of Olympic hurdling.  Somehow, though, I think  tonight Ibuprofen and I may have a special relationship.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”—Martin Luther King, Jr.

Okay, remind me of this tomorrow.

I'm A Big Kid Now!

You remember it, right?  That commercial a few years back for some brand of 'pull ups' where the child dons the diaper-like underpant product and sings 'I'm a big kid now!'?  Remember?  I sure do, but perhaps I date myself.  It was a commercial that portrayed a passage.  A passage from babyhood to youngpersonhood (there's a word for you).  A passage from complete dependence to semi-autonomy.  In short, one step forward in the growing up process.  Was that child's mother sad that her 'baby' wasn't a baby anymore?  Was she disheartened thinking 'where has he gone'?  Or was she just relieved on some level?

Mochi went to the groomer on Tuesday for his first hair cut.  Some part of me is glad he can now actually see me, not to mention the world, without having to peek through a tangled jungle. The other part of me, however, is just so sad that my little fuzzball is gone.  Oh, yes.  Hair grows.  Still, it will never be quite the same.   Kind of like that first time your son goes for a real haircut (one minus the bowl look) and comes back a freshly combed and slicked down 'young man'.

"A tie.  Really?  What was that groomer thinking?"

 "This is too humiliating.

"Harrumph.  Surely there is a bright side.  Surely!"

 "Oh, look!  I can actually get this thing in my mouth!  Who knew???"

 " Hmm...  Doesn't taste too bad.  Now what can I do with this thing?"

 "Wheeeee!  I knew there was an upside!"

  

Never give a banana to a monkey.